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Where Will I Turn To After My Divorce?

09 August, 2021
Q Assalamualaikum.

Actually I want to divorce my husband as he doesn't want to work and hardly tries to provide for us. Sometimes he provides us through haram means.

He married me for his benefits and we don't have any type of bonding. I don’t even trust him.

I have a son and I am an orphan as I lost my family at a very young age.

I was dependent on my sister before marriage. But I can't turn to her after my divorce.

I'm afraid I'm not even financially secured but I have finished my graduation.

I don't know how I'm gonna live after this? Is there any organisation that supports people like me?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Pursuing a Khul’a involves hiring a lawyer – and it can take anywhere from 4 months to over a year for the process to complete.

You will need to prepare yourself for a difficult period while you are in the process of Khul’a and would also need a place to stay where you and your son would be safe. 

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It is important that you build some kind of a social support to help you through this time.

Communicate With Your Sister.

Work on Your Finances.


Assalamu Alaikum Sister, 

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult phase of your life, but I also admire you for your strength and perseverance MashaAllah.

In your post, you have mentioned that you want a divorce from your husband, since he is not providing for you and your son. Further, there is also no kind of bonding or companionship between you.

Where Will I Turn To After My Divorce? - About Islam

You have mentioned that you have no support system as your parents died at a young age. And you cannot turn to your sister after divorce. Therefore – your primary concern is a support system, which can help you after your divorce. 

While I am not aware of any specific organizations in your locality; I would recommend seeking assistance from people who are working for women’s rights or some muslim NGOs (there must be a few in your area). 

Understand the Process

Sister, it is obvious that you have made up your mind for the divorce, and for good reasons. However, it is essential that you know the process for getting a divorce.

In some countries like Pakistan and India, pursuing a Khul’a involves hiring a lawyer – and it can take anywhere from 4 months to over a year for the process to complete.

Meanwhile, if you want to have custody or child support for your son – you would also need to file another lawsuit for that.  

While it is not very complicated, neither is it very straightforward. You will need to prepare yourself for a difficult period while you are in the process of Khul’a and would also need a place to stay where you and your son would be safe. 

Build A Social Support System 

It is important that you build some kind of a social support to help you through this time. Think of any friends who you can rely on. If you do not have any friends, you will need some in the time to come.

Therefore, start taking a few people into confidence about your life, so that you can receive the help that you will need. Some places to look for support could be your college friends, teachers, perhaps someone in your neighborhood and in religious Muslim women communities.

Having a few trustworthy people by your side will be really valuable. But if that is not possible – know that you are enough! 


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Communicate With Your Sister

I understand that your sister might not be able to support you financially – but since she is your only living kin – I believe that it would be greatly beneficial if you could rely on her for emotional support at the least (if she is emotionally available).

Therefore – communicate to her about your decision and ask her in what ways she would be able to assist you.  However, the decision of whether you want to live with your husband or divorce him, is totally up to you.

Nobody, not even your sister has the right to persuade you to keep on living in a marriage where you are not happy. 

Work on Your Finances 

As you already understand – finances are a major hurdle in the woman’s way to divorce. You mentioned that you have completed your graduation. Getting a good job will not be difficult InshaAllah. You can also do part time and/or freelance jobs, such as giving tuitions to children. 

On the other hand – if you want to start the process of divorce immediately, you could consider jobs that offer residence, for instance temporarily working as a warden for a girl’s hostel might solve the problem of the residence for you. 

This Life Is A Test 

Sister, life in this world is indeed a test for the Believers. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala tests all his believers in different ways.

For instance He tests people with hardships, finances, health and some with relationships and offspring. In the Quran, Allah SWT says, 

“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed – and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving –“ [67:2]

In other verse He says, 

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of Allah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!” [2:214] 

Allah Subhanahu Ta’ala does not leave His believers alone. Put your trust in Him and He will definitely guide you and Help you out of this trial, InshaAllah.

It is important that you keep your faith and hopes high and submit to the Will of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. 

I do understand that this must be a very difficult phase for you – not having anyone to turn to. However, Allah is always there and He creates ways for people who have strong faith in Him. 

Believe In Yourself

Last but not the least – do not stop believing in yourself. Sometimes, when we are going through tough phases of life; we get tired, worn-out and weary. Some days are hard and you feel as though you have just lost all meaning in life. My only suggestion would be to take it one day at a time, and just keep going. 

During these tough times, don’t forget to take out time for yourself and your son. Do small things on your own, as well as with your son – that will give meaning and color to your life.

Take out time, every day to do things which you enjoy doing, even if it is as simple as reading a page from your favorite book, or taking a small walk. Doing these small things will help you stay connected to your soul, and look forward to better days in the future, InshaAllah. 

Immerse Yourself In Positivity

I understand that it gets very difficult to stay positive and hopeful, when you are going through the difficult process of divorce – however, do understand that positivity gives you strength and hope. It is what keeps you going in the time of adversity and difficulty. 

May Allah SWT make things easy for you.  Ameen.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/family-life/husbands-wives/getting-divorce-five-things-consider/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/divorce/can-recover-divorce/

https://aboutislam.net/family-life/husbands-wives/divorce-and-children-the-difficult-question/

About Zainab Farrukh
Zainab Farrukh is a Counseling Psychologist. She is deeply inspired to bring about change at the individual, interpersonal and global levels.  She can be reached on her Facebook page – Thrive Now