I Fear of Divorce, But I Can No Longer Stay in This Marriage

15 February, 2021
Q I want to walk away from this marriage but I don’t know if I’m doing right or wrong. I pray. I keep thinking Allah keeps showing me signs but I don’t go.

My husband is financially dependent on me because he basically uses me. I am the breadwinner. He has taken approx. 30k out of me.

Secondly, he has a debt with everyone including me, a loan I pay for.

Thirdly, he failed to declare he was married in 2017. I am wife number 2. He has been seeing me without telling me he is married. We got married in Aug. 2019. I paid for our wedding honeymoon while he’s been seeing wife number 1. He pretended he went to visit his family. I never went because he used to live with my family.

Wife number 1 lives in a different city. She also has her own boyfriend so I don’t know, maybe it was just hook-ups but she didn’t know he was married again. I confronted her in October.

Fourthly, he has 4 kids who are 18 years old from an arranged marriage/ He divorced that lady before.

I have never been married. This was my first marriage and yes he hit the jackpot. I wasn’t a fan of being with someone with kids. He made it out like they don’t talk and now here they are all with him asking for money which no doubt comes back to me.

Finally, his anger management and emotional abuse of having a fit for not getting his way is the reason why so much money has come out of me. He kicks up a fuss and has a fit when he doesn’t get his way.

I left him twice for a few days and came back. My parents don’t want me with him, but my mum is divorced and I fear a divorce. Will my life get better? How do I walk? I sure do not deserve any of this as a young girl. I thought I could help him, but this marriage is all for his benefit.

I’m losing more money in the process of paying for rent when I can live with my mums for free. His family I don’t talk to anymore. Just need some common sense advice.

He doesn’t pray. I pray. I feel like I slowed down on my practicing when I’m with him. I really wanted someone religious and he is not religious. I pray Allah gives me a sign but then Allah does and I don’t go. What is wrong with me?

Answer

Salam Aleikom,

In this counseling video, the counselor advises to:

Think about all your options before making any decision.

It is never easy to move on after a divorce.

Your dreams are not signs of anything, just part of the process of your moving on.

Make sure you meet your future husband in the correct and halal way.

Always strengthen your faith.

Check out the video:

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)