Parents Forced Me to Go to College But I Dislike It

24 January, 2021
Q My parents are very strict as they keep to culture a lot. I and my siblings are not allowed to do much and we stay at home constantly. We are not allowed to make friends or move to study.

They said I have to study at a local university and I said fine. There are a lot of universities around me locally.

I told my parents I would like to go to the university which is 1 hour away by train but they refused and they are making me go to a university which is 20 minutes away but I don't like it.

I don’t know what to do. My parents left their country so that I could get a good education but now I feel like they are really jeopardizing it.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Do try and see things from their perspective.

•You can, however, have a respectful chat with them about where you want to study and why.

•Use this gratitude to fuel motivation to perform well and get good grades even if it is not where you want to be.

•It may be that opportunities arise for you in this local university that never would have come your way.


As-salamu alaikum,

It is always difficult for children when they want something but their parents disagree and want something else for them.

On the other hand, you want your voice heard, but on the other, you must respect their choices.

Firstly, do try and see things from their perspective. They moved countries and are likely paying the fees for your education so have done a lot for you in that respect. It is, therefore, quite difficult to justify challenging what they want you to do.

You can, however, have a respectful chat with them about where you want to study and why.

If you don’t discuss this with them then they will never be able to see it from your perspective and support anything other than what they want for you.

Additionally, keeping in line with considering their perspective, think about reasons why they may prefer you to study closer to home, even if the university is not as good.

Parents Forced Me to Go to College But I Dislike It - About Islam

First of all, it’s difficult for parents to let go of their children as they grow older and become more independent.

Understand their concern

Encouraging you to study closer to home will enable them to feel Korea like you are still close to them and not traveling far for study each day.

Furthermore, understand their concern that things are less safe in today’s climate.

As a young Muslim woman, they will probably be feeling very concerned for your safety fearing for you traveling far each day.

If you remain close they will feel more secure of your wellbeing.

Be grateful

Perhaps you will be able to convince them to allow you to study in your university of preference, but if not, focus on being grateful for even having the opportunity to go to university and having your parents support.

Use this gratitude to fuel motivation to perform well and get good grades even if it is not where you want to be.


Check out this counseling video


It may be that opportunities arise for you in this local university that never would have come your way should you have gone to the university you wanted to.

Allah will open opportunities in places you would never have imagined.

May Allah grant you success in your university career and bring happiness and contentment between you and your parents

Salam

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.