Husband Becomes Abusive after Staying at Home, Help!

14 April, 2020
Q I’m a mother of 3 kids. They are feeling bored and isolated because we are forced to stay at home due to the coronavirus outbreak. The problem is that my husband can’t stand their noise.

He is shouting and yelling at or hitting them. Kids are very afraid of him. Sometimes when I intervene to talk to him or take the child away, he tells me not to take the child away when he is disciplining him.

I try to stay strong but sometimes I feel I can’t handle it anymore. Leaving home is not an option because of the current crisis. Please help me what to do and how to deal with him?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Speak with family or a close friend in the area to see if you and the children can stay with them.

•You may also want to contact your Masjid and speak with the Imam for guidance and suggestions for a place.

•Your children cannot remain in an abusive home-shelter in place or not-they must be protected.

• Please do call the Child Abuse Prevention hotline


As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to our Live Session. I’m sorry to hear about what is going on in the home. This is a serious concern and has been presented publicly by various health officials worried about domestic violence, neglect, and abuse in the home.

Emotional & Physical Abuse of Children

Sister, I kindly advise you to speak with family or a close friend in the area to see if you and the children can stay with them.

You need a safe place to take the kids. You cannot be sheltered in place with your children being abused. While there is a discipline for children, there’s also abuse. This does not sound like a safe or healthy situation.

Seeking a Safe Place

Additionally, If there are relatives or a trusted friend whom you can stay with, or whom your husband could stay with, I highly advise separating.

You may also want to contact your Masjid and speak with the Imam for guidance and suggestions for a place to stay if there is no one who can help you and your children.

Husband Becomes Abusive after Staying at Home, Help! - About Islam

I kindly suggest that you examine your city or county rules and options regarding sheltering in place and abusive situations. As every country, state, and region has different rules and options regarding this, you need to become familiar with your area’s resources.

Your children cannot remain in an abusive home-shelter in place or not-they must be protected. You are their protector right now dear sister.

Please do call the Child Abuse Prevention hotline (1), they will be a great resource for you sister. On an important note-move in your own way, do not tell your husband as he may become angrier and more abusive, be sure to erase all of your numbers, searches, etc. on your phone or computer.


Check out this counseling video


Conclusion

Please do ask a family member or a trusted friend if you and the children can stay with them. During the shelter in there are exceptions and resources for emergencies such as what you are going through with the children. Call the hotline for help.

While it is understandable your husband is frustrated it is no reason to be emotionally or physically abusive. If this is new behavior in response to his own fears regarding the virus, or if it is not new behavior, it needs to be dealt with now.

Your children do not deserve this. You can deal with your husband later, right now your children need to be taken to a safe place.

You are in my prayers; we wish you the best in this situation.

1. https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.