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Married But Don’t Want Children Now, Advice?

Questioner

A (30-male-US)

Reply Date

Dec 02, 2018

Question

I'm a newly married man. I'm thinking not have children now, what about taking pills? Your advice is very appreciated

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer: 

•Be mindful, that by the time you are ready to have children, you might find that you are able to have children, or that if you do have children, you are not open enough to be the kind of parents who are willing to give your time, your patience, and your unconditional love

•Long-term use of any drugs takes its toll on the body, and oral contraceptives can lead to diseases of the circulatory system, breast, cervical and liver cancer, and interaction with other drug taken, so it is not a simple case of popping the pill.


As salamu ‘alaykum dear brother,

Congratulations on your marriage, and may your marital relationship grows from strength to strength, with Allah (SWT)’s blessings, in sha ‘Allah.

You have probably heard what I am about to say many times, but having children is a blessing, truly it is. If we are lucky, and Allah (SWT) grants children, whatever the circumstances, we will never really know what it means, and what we as parents learn from having children.

When one gets married, especially in these times, one wants to establish a home, and a steady income in order to build a family, but, as you know, we can not see what the future holds, only Allah (SWT) has that ability, and know one really knows what will happen tomorrow, or within the next minute.

As a couple, the challenges of marital life, and with both spouses working, especially if they are both ambitious is the accepted status quo, but many things can change within ourselves as one reaches out for the wealth of this world.

The ability to have time for others, compassion, mutual respect, and understanding, as well as the ability to make those necessary sacrifices ( and for that to be reciprocated from others), is what one learns from having and nurturing children, especially if tarbiah is involved.

That wealth cannot be replaced by anything else for many people and is a way of contributing to the upliftment of society – no wonder Islam teaches us to not fear to have children unless health is in danger. By reaching out for material gain for itself can only teach one to be selfish, and in turn when one is in need, to not be responded to. It is only our lack of faith that challenges and tests us.

Be mindful, that by the time you are ready to have children, you might find that you are able to have children, or that if you do have children, you are not open enough to be the kind of parents who are willing to give your time, your patience, and your unconditional love because your heart and mind is shaped by your intentions and your actions of which actions have the upper hand.

Long-term use of any drugs takes its toll on the body, and oral contraceptives can lead to diseases of the circulatory system, breast, cervical and liver cancer, and interaction with other drug taken, so it is not a simple case of popping the pill.

Salam

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hwaa Irfan

Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.

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