I brought my children 14 and 12, there to live with my husband. My husband has a good job and a big heart. He has no problem caring for my children. I was alone for 9 years before I remarried. My children have had a very hard time adjusting to sharing me with someone.
They do not accept him. Also, they hate the middle east. They say it is too hot to play outside and there is nothing to do, it's too boring. I brought them back to the USA to leave them with their father's family.
I am having a very difficult time leaving them. They refuse to return to this Middle Eastern country, simply will not get on a plane. I am torn between my children and husband. My husband is becoming increasingly angry and he will divorce me if I am not back in his house soon. Please advise me.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Children, especially teenagers often find it difficult to adjust to a new parent. Although it is a bit late now, we have to ask whether the children were involved in your re-marrying process.That is, did you prepare them for the changes that would occur?
In your case, not only did you re-marry and introduce a new parent into their life, you also decided to move to another country altogether. This is referred to as ‘uprooting’.”
As-salamu `Alaikum sister,
We appreciate the urgency of your question. However, beyond the counseling concerns, there are very real questions about Islamic law concerning marriage, re-marriage, and the rights and duties of parents and children.
As for the counseling concerns, we feel it is imperative that you re-establish communication with your children.
Children, especially teenagers often find it difficult to adjust to a new parent. Although it is a bit late now, we have to ask whether the children were involved in your re-marrying process.
That is, did you prepare them for the changes that would occur? In your case, not only did you re-marry and introduce a new parent into their life, you also decided to move to another country altogether. This is referred to as ‘uprooting’.
Check out this counseling video
A lot has been written about the difficult psychological and cultural challenges that face children when they are uprooted and thrown into unfamiliar surroundings.
The friends change, the schools change, and yes, even the environment (not being able to play outside because it is so hot) is a source of distress for uprooted children.
So, while you are getting the legal answers as to what you should do from an Islamic perspective, do attend to the needs of your children.
The decisions you will make will ultimately impact your children for many years to come.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.