The argument escalates if he asks me a question and I respond to it quietly then he gets annoyed. It's a lose-lose situation. I’m dreading the rest of Ramadan with him.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Find a place or room in the home that your husband does not frequent very much. Fix it up so that is comfortable for you and represents a place of peace.
•Try to identify what your husband’s trigger points are and try to not feed into them.
•You may also wish to suggest to your husband that the two of you read Qur’an, pray, take a walk together, or engage in some other spiritual and enjoyable time.
•If at any time however you feel unsafe, please do call 911 or seek help immediately.
Ramadan Mubarak sister,
Shokran for writing to our live session. I am so sorry to hear about what you are experiencing with your husband.
I can imagine you feel very frustrated and hurt. We often expect our spouse to be a source of comfort, and that is not always the case.
Lockdown and Ramadan
As yes we are living in a lockdown as well as it is Ramadan, things can get a little bit tense to say the least. A lot of families are having to deal with short tempers, irritability, and arguments due to being all together in the home 24/7.
While Ramadan is our most joyful and holy month, fasting can also affect our mood sometimes, and we become irritable which adds to the already tense situation.
Finding a Peaceful Spot in the Home
I kindly suggest to my dear sister that you find a place or room in the home that your husband does not frequent very much. Fix it up so that is comfortable for you and represents a place of peace.
When things get a little heated between you and your husband, insha’Allah you can always go to this little place and regroup, calm down and take a few breaths.
To Speak or Not to Speak
I understand that your situation is conflicted. If you respond he escalates and if you sit quietly he gets annoyed, so you feel like it is a no-win situation. However, if you could find the responses which will keep him calm, you might want to utilize that technique.
While it is not advisable to respond in a way that is not natural for you, or one that you do not agree with, it can be done in a way that does not betray your feelings yet does not trigger him.
Trigger Points
As we are living in a tense situation in society right now, people are getting triggered very easily. Try to identify what your husband’s trigger points are and try to not feed into them.
You may also wish to suggest to your husband that the two of you read Qur’an, pray, take a walk together, or engage in some other spiritual and enjoyable time. This may get his thoughts turned back on a more positive note.
Check out this counseling video
Conclusion
Sister, insha’Allah this lockdown will end soon. There is so much stress surrounding it. Please do try the tips, insha’Allah they will work. If at any time however you feel unsafe, please do call 911 or seek help immediately.
At this time, more and more cases of domestic violence are going on as well as child abuse. Women need to know to call for help should they be in this situation.
Make duaa to Allah to grant you ease, protection, and blessings. Insha’Allah your situation will be resolved soon dear sister. Please let us know how you are.
We wish you the best dear sister.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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