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Sensitive 6-Year-Old Lacks Confidence – Contribution

16 June, 2017
Q As-salamu `alaykum. I have a daughter who is 6-years-old and I don't know if I'm a good mom or not. We live in Canada now, but we are from Egypt. My daughter is very smart, ma sha’ Allah, and she is very sensitive. She starts to cry if I get angry at her and raise my voice, and then I get angry with myself.  I'm not sure if doing the right thing or not. I want her to be a special person, a good one in religion, manners, culture—everything. She is having problems with being alone all the time. When we see our friends, she loves to play with their kids, and that is okay, but she has started to copy them in everything they do. She is afraid that if she does not do that they will leave her. I have tried to talk to her, but she never listens. I really know what it feels like to be alone, especially in this country. I feel that she doesn't have any self-confidence.

Answer

As-salamu `alaykum, dear sister.

It is hard for parents to get out of the habit of shouting, so you should not worry too much if you find yourself shouting from time to time. However, it is important to realize that shouting isn’t a very effective way of getting children to comply, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) warned us against the dangers of anger.

As your daughter is a sensitive child, it will probably be more effective if you try to lower your voice and choose one or two issues at a time that you feel very strongly about. Anything else can be mentioned, but not pressed upon.

It is normal for a young girl to copy her friends and this is fine as long as it is within Islamic boundaries. Parents always need to be watchful about dress, speech, and habits. Controlling anything children watch on TV is one of the quickest ways to rule out discipline problems. Parents have to be extremely selective, if they let their children watch at all, and it is probably better to limit viewing to local Muslim channels and Islamic videos.

While children are brought up in a different environment, they need to be given the tools to interact within that culture, and this means the home culture has to be especially strong, and support available from Islamic schools or, preferably, fulltime Islamic education.

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Children need plenty of opportunities to meet friends regularly, and if families become involved with local Muslim activities, they will, in sha’ Allah, find like-minded people to socialize with. Information should be available at local mosques or on the Internet for listings of major Islamic organizations in Canada and their activities in the various regions. If there is nothing available in your area, local Muslim families could get together through the men meeting on Fridays, and arrange activities for themselves.


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