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Ex-Wife Against Teaching Islam to My Daughter

28 October, 2022
Q I am a divorced father who has remarried. I am a Muslim and my wife is too. What do I do when my wife and I try to teach my daughter about Islam and my ex-wife tells my daughter not to listen to me?

Answer

As-salamu `alaykum, brother,

I understand your concern for your daughter and your wish to raise her to be a Muslim. It must be a great challenge doing so with the presence of a mother who is telling your daughter not to listen to you; particularly, as I understood from your question, your daughter seems to be living with her biological mother. It must be very challenging indeed, brother.

Allow me, brother, to remind you of a hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). The meaning is that if Doomsday comes, and in your hand you have a small plant that you were planning to plant, then plant it!

Anybody would have expected the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to say throw it away and go pray, for example. This would sound right, for what good is planting at this point?

It is Doomsday and there is no hope for a tree, no time for one to grow, but the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) still said, “Plant it.”

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The point I am trying to pass across, brother, is that we are meant to do what we have to do, what we planned to do, despite the results. We do our duties and Allah Most High takes care of the result.

Now, regarding your challenge, brother, keep doing what you can. Be courteous and kind to your ex-wife day after day, week after week, month after month. This positive, consistent behavior on your part, in sha’ Allah, will minimize her resistance. At the least, it will put her in a neutral state with your daughter sometime in the future when you most need it.

Regarding your daughter, make your time together as positive, warm, and memorable as possible.

Every time you see her, make sure you choose what to tell her about Islam.

A well thought out short piece of information, suggestion, or story, can be more effective than unplanned mixtures of messages and information.

Be consistent in your courteous behavior with your ex wife and selective in what you present to your daughter, with lots of positive and warm feelings in your meetings. Keep praying, brother. Plant your tree, water it, be patient, and

Allah Most High will take care of the rest.


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About Manal Soliman
Manal Soliman attended the American University in Cairo where she majored in Mass Communication and minored in Economics. After her graduation in 1987, she went on to complete a TESOL certificate from Trinity College UK, a counseling course at Aberdeen College, Scotland, and obtained a Facilitator of Parenting Groups certificate from Parentline Plus UK.She has delivered many talks to non-Arab Muslims and converts on various topics in Islam, as well as sessions in a program for Muslim girls in Aberdeen, Scotland on various issues that concern Muslim teenagers living in the west. She also took part in the organization of many women and children Muslim activities and parties in Aberdeen as well as Cairo.