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Depressed after Losing My Baby, Please Help!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 02, 2019

Question

Assalam o alaikum. I lost my full-term baby girl after 38 weeks of pregnancy. It was my first baby after 3 years of marriage. I am so much depressed and devastated and can't stop myself to think about that incident. I know my girl is in Jannah but kindly advice me some due to recover from that depression and anxiety. JazakAllah khair

Counselor

Answer


Depressed after Losing My Baby, Please Help!

In this counseling answer:

•A strong faith in Allah is the best way to move forward positively. Continue to pray and turn to Allah In du’a.  Cry to Him, let Him know your concerns and ask Him to give you strength.

•You may also join groups for sisters who have been through the same. This way you can get support from those who have been there before and will be able to advise you based on their experience.

•You have just given birth to a baby and need time to recover. Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest at this time.

•Rest as much as possible for these first few weeks at least. Once this recovery period is over, do make sure to go back to your usual tasks and do the things that you enjoy.


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister

Inna lilahi wa Inna ilayi rajioon. Sorry to hear of your loss. May Allah reward your patience and bring strength during this difficult time. It is devastating to have carried a baby to full term only to lose them at birth, especially as a first child after 3 years of marriage.

Alhamdulilah, that she is waiting for you in Jannah, but you will inevitably fasting the depression that comes as a result of losing a child and accepting this as part of the journey. To be continually thinking about her at this point is perfectly normal and is all a part of the process of grieving.

In time, as you adjust, your pain will be eased and your heightened emotions will lift. You will never forget her, but you will learn to cope with the situation more effectively.

In times of adversity, we often get caught up in the negatives in the situation which leads us to lose track of and forget the blessings in our life. That’s not to say that we should not grieve such a devastating loss, because you should allow yourself to for a time, but then give yourself the space to focus on the positives that you can gain from the experience.

Firstly, to experience death is a reminder of Allah. A reminder that He is the giver and taker of life. Comfort yourself in the knowledge that it is by His will that your daughter was taken when she was. Allah knows best that that was her appointed time and He knows. Alhamdulilah, she is in jannah, but the test now is with you. Your test is to overcome this difficulty. A strong faith in Allah is the best way to move forward positively.

The belief that He knows best and your trust in this will help you to accept that this has happened. Staying sting in your faith through worship is the best way to emphasize and support this yourself. Continue to pray and turn to Allah In du’a.  Cry to Him, let Him know your concerns and ask Him to give you strength. Simply turning to Him like this can give you the strength to carry on as well as bring you more confidence and contentment in His will.


Check out this counseling video


Remember Allah at all times and spend time with good, Allah fearing people. This will give you the social support you need from those who will encourage you in your Deen. This will strengthen your faith as well as providing you with support from people which is essential in the grieving process. You may also join groups for sisters who have been through the same. This way you can get support from those who have been there before and will be able to advise you based on their experience.

Aside from spiritual support, it is also important not to let go of other things to. You have just given birth to a baby and need time to recover. Take care of yourself and get plenty of rest at this time. Following giving birth as your hormones change you will naturally go through emotional changes regardless of whether you have a stillbirth of not and this can also be difficult to manage.

Your body will also be going through other changes as well so it is important to be kind to yourself to support your recovery. Rest as much as possible for these first few weeks at least. Once this recovery period is over, do make sure to go back to your usual tasks and do the things that you enjoy.

The grieving process can take some time and if you are still feeling low after some weeks do make sure to seek further counselling in support you to move forward.

May Allah make it easy for you and may He give the strength and patience to cope at this difficult time.

Ameen

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. You are strongly advised to seek face-to-face counseling and consult your physician or therapist when making a drastic change in your lifestyle in terms of behavior, medication or diet etc.

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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