Am I Punished by Allah?

28 May, 2021
Q I'm a young doctor from Bangladesh. I passed MBBS in 2016 and finished an internship in 2017. Since then I have been studying for getting a chance in a fellowship program in surgery.

My family, friends, near and dear ones all requested me to go for job exams. I didn't listen to any. I live alone. For the last 6 months, I have been studying. I used amphetamine to be awake extra hours for extra study. I am a big sinner. I have done a lot of sins; having extramarital sex, drugs, boasting over issues, but for the last 6 month I was really depressed.

I studied very hard. I didn't eat well. I have very bad health now. I did that because my intentions were if I could pass the exams I could make my parents, near and dear ones happy. My father is at stake since last month. He is falsely accused of bribery by an anti-corruption commission. Last month I couldn't study as I did before. The last days before exams I couldn't study at all.

As I am writing to you, my exams are tomorrow but I am so low that I cant study. I have cried all night fearing that Allah is annoyed with me. I have been crying at night for Allah's mercy but every time I break a promise and do the same sins again. Last night I had thoughts of suicide.

How can I avoid this? I have all the scientific knowledge regarding depression and its management but none is helping me. I need Allah's mercy only. How can I ask him? Tell me about the ways?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

You feel sorry and this will make it easier for you to stand in front of Allah in prayer and ask for His forgiveness.

Your best solution might be learning stress management and time management skills and implementing them so that exams cause as little disturbance to you as possible.

If you are feeling suicidal, do please seek professional help and counseling. It may be that you need to use some medication for a while to treat your symptoms of depression to make it easier for you


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It seems like you have been going through a lot of bother in your quest to pass all your exams and this has made you stressed and depressed and as a result, you have turned to all sorts of haram. You are now feeling regretful about everything you have done and fear how Allah will deal with you.

The good thing is that you are feeling bad about it. It may not feel like you are in a good place right now, but having regrets like you do will stand you in a good place to overcome your difficulties. You feel sorry and this will make it easier for you to stand in front of Allah in prayer and ask for His forgiveness. Allah’s loves to forgive so continue to ask him and beg Him.

Seek Him in the early hours of the night, cry to Him and beg for His Mercy. This will help you to feel better by taking your affairs to Allah and having confidence in His Mercy. This will also bring you to comfort more generally as hearts find rest in His remembrance as He tells us in the Qur’an  Never stop with this. Remember Him in all you do and your heart will find more and more comfort.

The next step after seeking forgiveness is to do all you can to not commit such acts again. You say that in the past you have gone back to these sins again, so it’s important that you strive to avoid them. Do what you can to avoid situations that make you feel like turning to these things.

Am I Punished by Allah? - About Islam

So, for example, if it’s about avoiding people who encourage you, or don’t stop you, then avoid being with them. Instead spend time with people who will stop you, or are Allah fearing and will only encourage you to do good things.

In your case, however, it seems that your trigger is stress. Stress to pressure and exams. Therefore,  your best solution might be learning stress management and time management skills and implementing them so that exams cause as little disturbance to you as possible.

Make sure to start you revision way ahead of time so you don’t end up in the last minute rush. Make yourself a schedule so you can be sure you cover all topics with sufficient time. Furthermore, exams are naturally stressful, so always factor in time for self-care also, time to things you enjoy, time to take exercise, and time to just relax for example. Also, make sure to get sufficient sleep and eat well.

These are all things that will help in numerous ways. They will bust exam stress as well as being natural treatments for depression and just generally make you feel more positive.


Check out this counseling video 

Of course, these are things you can do to help ease your situation, but if you are feeling suicidal then things have gone to a different level  you certainly should engage in all of the above to make things easy on yourself, but if you are feeling suicidal, do please seek professional help and counselling. It may be that you need to use some medication for a while to treat your symptoms of depression to make it easier for you to move to the next step, and counselling will help you to deal with the psychological aspect.

May Allah forgive you and make it easy for you. May He give you the best in this life and the next.

Salam

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)