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My Mother-In-Law Turns Daughter Against Me

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Dec 17, 2018

Question

As salam `alaykum I am going through a lot of difficulties. As you know most Asian women go through these difficulties. My In-laws really messed up my marriage and my husband is very weak about protecting me and standing up for me in front of his family. His mother controls his mind and she brainwashed me very well because I was naive. Now I have no respect for my husband.

Every time she plays a new game with us and my husband ignores it. She even made my daughter turn against me but thank God my daughter is ok, but she has depression. My husband and I have it also. What should I do? Should I leave him knowing the fact that it will hurt my children? Please guide me to the right path.

Counselor

Answer


mother

In this counseling answer:

“Now for a moment, put yourself in your husband’s shoes and realize that he was raised that way, therefore, you have an advantage over him and with that advantage, you have to find a way to awaken him as to his rights for the best interest of your family including your child.”


 As-salamu `alaykum my dear sister,

You know, sometimes, when we find ourselves in a situation, that is the worst we have ever found ourselves in, the solution can be seem quite remote.

If you were to walk away from your situation, it would only be a physical leaving as emotionally you are quite drained, and spiritually you are feeling quite empty. Your ability to be the mother that your child needs is also handicapped. In this individualistic world it is easy to walk away either physically or emotionally, but when we do that, we lose the chance to not only learn from it, but we lose the chance to fully recover.

Not everyone who intends something is able to do it. Not everyone who is able to do something will be granted success in something will do it in the right place. When ability, success, and correctness come together, then happiness is perfected.

In other words, it is not only you who have been demoralized, but your child and your husband as well. If your husband was able to stand up for you and protect you against your in-laws he would have done so. So this leaves only one solution. As low as you feel right now, you have a perspective on the situation and you are aware that your rights have been abused.

Now for a moment, put yourself in your husband’s shoes and realize that he was raised that way, therefore, you have an advantage over him and with that advantage, you have to find a way to awaken him as to his rights for the best interest of your family including your child.

Admittedly, this will take some time as basically, you are teaching him, but the best way to do that without causing more problems is through humor. Once you can see your husband is becoming aware, then it is time to start working on finding a home away from these in-laws. Not too far, but far enough so that your own family can develop unhindered. With care, and compassion and all the energy, you can find within yourself and call on Allah for, you will be surprised what is possible.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




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