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Shall I Force My Son to Pee While Sitting Down?

29 December, 2020
Q Salam Aleikom. My son is 4 years old. We live in Europe. My problem is that although at home we taught him to use the toilet while sitting, in the nursery, he is not monitored by the nurses and learned from the other kids that he pees while standing. So now he refuses to sit down.

I know in Islam it is recommended for boys to use the toilet while sitting, but I am not sure what to do now. Is it really a big issue? Shall I force him to sit down or just leave it? But in this case, of course, it is more likely that some drop will go to his clothes while being in the toilet. Please help.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Forcing him to sit down might not be the best option as he may become resilient and even less likely to have the desire to sit down at all.

Instead, take a firm approach, but without punishing him at this point if he does stand up. Every time he does sit down to pee, you could give him some kind of little reward to encourage him to continue to do this.

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Since the problem arose at nursery, if you feel confident enough to talk to the teachers there, then you might begin by addressing it with them. Perhaps they could organize things in such a way that the children don’t use the toilet at the same time and instead take it in turns.


As-Salaikum Salaam wa rahamatulahi wa barakatuh,

There are many times when western and Islamic practices clash and, therefore, raising a Muslim child in a non-Muslim country will come with challenges related to this.

Regarding peeing sitting down, the very reason it is encouraged that boys sit down are for the reason you have suggested – that some may drop onto his clothes which, of course, then makes the clothes impure. Therefore, he becomes unable to pray in them.

He is 4, however, and, therefore, is not obliged to pray at this age. So, it might be said that it is quite irrelevant whether pee drops on his clothes or not. However, habits are formed at such a young age.

Shall I Force My Son to Pee While Sitting Down? - About Islam

If he gets into a habit of peeing standing up from this young age, it is likely he will continue to do so as he gets older and enters the age upon which praying does become obligatory. Trying to change the habit of standing to pee at this age will be a lot more difficult.

The problem is that now he refuses to sit down to pee as he has seen his peers standing up. There are a couple of things you can try to encourage him to get back into the habit of sitting to pee.

Since the problem arose at nursery, if you feel confident enough to talk to the teachers there, then you might begin by addressing it with them. Perhaps they could organize things in such a way that the children don’t use the toilet at the same time and instead take it in turns.

This way, he will not be observing others stand to pee. However, understandably, they may not be willing to adjust their own practices just as a means to encourage you son to pee sitting down. Either way, you can still be encouraging him to pee sitting down at home.


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Forcing him to sit down might not be the best option as he may become resilient and even less likely to have the desire to sit down at all. Instead, take a firm approach, but without punishing him at this point if he does stand up. Every time he does sit down to pee, you could give him some kind of little reward to encourage him to continue to do this.

This reward could even be as simple as acknowledging what he has done in a positive way. Generally, continuing to instill respect for his parents into him, eventually, he will begin listening to you and sit down to pee out of respect for your instructions, without the need to force or continually reward the act.

As he gets used to it at home and develops positive associations with peeing sitting down at home, even if the school doesn’t do anything about it, he will likely develop the same habitat school in time, too.

May Allah (swt) reward your concern for raising your child in a way that is compatible with the Sunnah from a young age. May He make your son a righteous child who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Amen,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-parenting/child-development/training-the-potty-way/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-parenting/child-development/my-son-and-the-potty/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-parenting/potty-training-is-driving-me-crazy/
About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)