So my question is that what and how should I discuss this with my son? I felt very bad as a result of the teachers' behavior towards my son. He told me that he got a time out twice and was made to sit separately, (away from his classmates and eat his snacks). The teacher complained that he hit a boy and was talking in the class during story-time. Do I need to talk to the teacher about this and if so, what should I say? Since I wear a hijab, I always try my best to keep our Muslim image good in front of the non-Muslims. I don't want them to think that Muslims and their kids are aggressive and violent, but at the same time, I don't want my kids to be losers and bear discrimination. Jazaka Allahu khayran.
In this counseling answer:
“There’s no better way to handle these situations than being polite but yet firm, and never accuse your children’s teachers and put them on the defensive, this will make it more difficult for you and your children. In this way the teacher feels that you are a caring parent and she will appreciate your support with no illusions. Even if she made a big deal out of the situation, this approach will make her back off.”
As Salamu `alaykum sister,
May Allah protect your kids and guide them to the straight path.
I too have a four-year-old son, and from my experience as a mother and an social educator, this age group is an age that is trying to discover their identity . Some of the ways they try to discover who they are is by, behaving like other kids that they’re socializing with, examples, siblings, classmates, friends, relatives. This could be one of the explanations, another explanation could be is that he’s looking for attention , from the people he deals with who use these manners.
Having said that, it looks like the teachers have always been impressed with your son, but now they’re seeing changes, and depending on the number of students in the class that the teacher is handling that would make it difficult for her to take the time and handle it wisely, another factor is how educated and professional is the teacher. Professional teachers always find a positive way to handle challenges with students .
I believe the best way of handling this issue and any other situation that may arise, (because kids are kids and they wouldn’t be kids if they were perfect ), is to talk with your son, I know we all could never see or imagine that our kids could be mischievous you will be surprised how differently our kids behave when we are not around, either too perfect a side we hardly see or too wild a sid they will never show us, so be careful of how you support your child. You’re building his character for life through these matters.
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This is what early childhood education is all about, look into the situation justly and rule with your mind and not with your emotions, for your son’s benefit.
Explain to your child that the teacher is a person we respect, she takes the time to educate young kids, and explain to him the role of the teacher in Islam and how we respect her. Also explain to him that he should play nicely with his class mates and treat them the way he wants to be treated.
Be very alert to any changes in his behavior, talk to him on daily bases on his activities in class without showing him that you’re spying on him. You should also talk to the teacher, and let her know that you don’t approve of your son behaving that way, and that you have talked to him and explained to him its unacceptable to behave that way.
There’s no better way to handle these situation than being polite but yet firm, and never accuse your children’s teachers and put them on the defensive, this will make it more difficult for you and your children. In this way the teacher feels that you are a caring parent and she will appreciate your support with no illusions. Even if she made a big deal out of the situation, this approach will make her back off.
May GOD give us the wisdom, courage and strength to strive for change in ourselves, to guide us and to guide others through us, and make us realize and fulfill the responsibilities we owe to our spouses, children, families, communities, and the living and future generations .
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(From Ask About Parenting archives)