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How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting His Brother?!

10 January, 2022
Q

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Please do examine his home life-if he watches any violent shows on TV, has anyone ever been violent with him at daycare, home, school or relatives/friends.

Please do protect the child that is being attacked.

Talk with your 3-year-old when things are calm and ask him “why do you hurt you brother?”  Please do offer him alternative ways of dealing with anger which are age appropriate.

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Do praise and reward him for the times his interactions are positive with his brother.

You may want to give him some crayons and a book and ask him to draw you pictures of the family, of him and his brother.


As-salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to us with your most critical issue. While I am not sure of your other child’s age, it is imperative that you do protect the child from being harmed.

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When you say “violently attacking”  I am not sure if you are speaking about fist fights between a 3-year-old and 5 years old or a 3-year-old punching hitting a 1-year-old. In any event, it must stop.

What you are doing is correct for now.  Please do separate them insha’Allah. However, insha’Allah you must get to the bottom of the behavior.  Why is he so violent?  Has he seen or witnessed violence?

Please do examine his home life-if he watches any violent shows on TV, has anyone ever been violent with him at daycare, home, school or relatives/friends. Violence is also sometimes seen in children who are on the low spectrum of autism or have ADHD

How To Stop My Toddler From Hitting His Brother?! - About Islam

Other medical conditions, either mentally or physically could produce violence in a child thus I kindly suggest that you seek out the advice of your child’s pediatrician.

In the meantime, please do protect the child that is being attacked. Talk with your 3-year-old when things are calm and ask him “why do you hurt you brother?”  Please do offer him alternative ways of dealing with anger which are age appropriate.

Do praise and reward him for the times his interactions are positive with his brother.  You may want to give him some crayons and a book and ask him to draw you pictures of the family, of him and his brother. 

Often times art will help a child express more than words.  From his drawings, you may see some clues which may generate some idea’s as to why he is doing this.

As you probably already know, the internet is filled with parents writing in about their violent toddlers, so please know you are not alone. 

Please do insha’Allah contact your pediatrician for further help, examinations, and referrals for your child.  Insha’Allah it is a passing phase that can be managed, however, it is best to get situations such as this professionally evaluated.

We wish you the best you are in our prayers.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.