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Co-Sleeping with Kids: How to Have Sex?

03 July, 2020
Q As-salamu `Alaikum,

I’m a mother of two. They are aged 2 and six months. They are sleeping with me in my bed. But my sexual life with my husband has been affected as they are always around in our bedroom.

They are still very young to leave them to sleep alone. How can I maintain my sexual life while they are sleeping with me? Thank you

Answer

In this counseling answer:

 

•I would kindly suggest that you prepare a fun, colorful welcoming room for your child and begin putting your child in his/her bed at night.

 

•Explain to your child that he/she is a big boy/girl now and that it is time for them to have their own room.

 

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•You may want to put a night light in the room or use a white noise machine that has soothing sounds to help your child sleep.

 

•If he/she comes into your room, tell your child that they have their own wonderful room and put your child back in his/her bed.

 

•If the pattern continues or your child fusses and cries you may want to lie with your child in their bed until they fall asleep for the first week or so to ensure your child feels secure and knows that you are near.

 

•Eventually insha’Allah your child will get use to sleeping in his/her own bed very soon.

 


As-salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing in with your important concern. It is one many new parents face. Your sexual life with your husband is a very important part of marriage.

It is a way in which couples connect physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It is also a time in which intimate talking and bonding occur as well as cuddling and de-stressing.

It is essential for both of you to maintain your connection to each other in this manner.

Your child who is two is old enough to sleep in a bed. You may have to go through a period of time wherein you acclimate your child to getting use to sleeping in their own bed, but in time your child will get use to it.

I would kindly suggest that you prepare a fun, colorful welcoming room for your child and begin putting your child in his/her bed at night.

Explain to your child that he/she is a big boy/girl now and that it is time for them to have their own room.

You may want to put a night light in the room or use a white noise machine that has soothing sounds to help your child sleep.

Your child will probably come back into your bedroom as he/she is used to sleeping with you. However, if you are patient and consistent, eventually your child will get used to his/her new room and bed and insha’Allah be excited that it is his/her personal space.

For the first few nights, I would kindly suggest that you put your child in his/her bed. If he/she comes into your room, tell your child that they have their own wonderful room and put your child back in his/her bed.

If the pattern continues or your child fusses and cries you may want to lie with your child in their bed until they fall asleep for the first week or so to ensure your child feels secure and knows that you are near. Eventually insha’Allah your child will get use to sleeping in his/her own bed very soon.

Co-Sleeping with Kids: How to Have Sex?- About Islam

As far as your 6-month-old, your baby is still very young, however, parents often do have their babies in separate rooms with a baby monitor on in case the baby wakes up or cries.

Other parent’s option to put a crib or bassinet in their bedrooms and have the child sleep in their room but not in their bed.

It is nice to have our children sleep with us as it provides extra bonding time as well as creates security for the child. However, it should be limited as it can create a dependence as the child grows older which may be unhealthy.


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Additionally, as you are finding out, parents often lose that very important element of marital life which is intimacy when children are always in the bed or in the room.

You should insha’Allah strive to make your bedroom a main place for you and your husband to bond and connect after a long day.

That’s not to say that there can never be family nights in bed with the children watching cartoons and eating yummy foods together but it is to say that it should remain your and your husband’s private abode.

We wish you the best sister, and please do contact us if you have further questions.


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

Read more: 

How Can I Teach My Child to Sleep Alone?
About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.