Too Religious Spouse or Just a Hard Heart?

18 November, 2020
Q There have been marriages that have fallen due to too religious spouses. So, how can we stop the other extreme form?

Answer

Short Answer:

  • This idea that you’re so lost in God, you cannot show affection, that’s messed up. I’m sorry but you are just lost, you’re not just lost in God. And the reality is, that not showing affection is not a sign of spirituality. It’s maybe a sign of having a hard heart.      

………….

The question states that there have been marriages that have fallen due to too religious spouses.     So, how can we stop the other extreme form of relief? That’s messed up.      

Prophet Muhammad’s Love for Aisha

So, here’s the thing. I’m gonna tell you guys a big secret, okay. The Prophet (ﷺ), nobody loves God more than him. And if you study how he was with his wives, I mean it’s like stuff that we would be like, “Oh my god.”

I’ll give an example. He is asked in a public setting, “Who do you love most?” Can you imagine?       Like one of our Shuyuukh (Scholars) in one of these big settings, is asked:  Who do you love most?” And he goes, “Aisha. My wife.”      

He’s not just showing affection in private in this case, right? Affection verbally obviously, he’s (ﷺ) publicly announcing his love for his wife. He said Aisha. And then this companion, this is a beautiful thing, this companion thought he was was gonna say him. And so he’s like,”No, no, no, from among the men?” Cause he’s thinking he is next.

And he goes, “Her father.” But the point is that even when he’s mentioning Abu Bakr, he uses Aisha as the reference point. Even the way he’s talking about her. He doesn’t even say Abu Bakr. He says, “Her father.”      

So in the way he used to be with his wives (ﷺ). If he sees her drinking from a cup, he would see where she put her mouth and put his mouth on the same spot on purpose. He showed affection.   And there are many examples of this affection that they had.      

Too Religious Spouse or Just a Hard Heart?

This idea that you’re so lost in God, you cannot show affection, that’s messed up. I’m sorry but you are just lost, you’re not just lost in God. And the reality is, that not showing affection is not a sign of spirituality. It’s maybe a sign of having a hard heart.      

“What can I do if Allah has taking the mercy out of your heart.”

The Prophet (ﷺ) once saw a man. There was a man who thought he was boasting and he said, “I have all these children and I’ve never hugged or kissed them.” He thought he was like getting extra points for that. And the Prophet (ﷺ) said, “What can I do if Allah has taking the mercy out of your heart.”

Do you understand? Like, if mercy and compassion has been taken out of your heart, what can I do for you? It’s not a sign of piety that you don’t show affection. The Prophet (ﷺ) was the most in love with God and he was the most affectionate.      

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch.

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch.

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

About Yasmin Mogahed
Yasmin Mogahed received her B.S. Degree in Psychology and her Masters in Journalism and Mass Communications from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. After completing her graduate work, she taught Islamic Studies and served as a youth coordinator. She also worked as a writing instructor at Cardinal Stritch University and a staff columnist for the Islam section of InFocus News. Currently she’s an instructor for  AlMaghrib Institute, a writer for the Huffington Post, an international speaker, and author, where she focuses most of her work on spiritual and personal development. Yasmin recently released her new book, Reclaim Your Heart, which is now available worldwide. Visit her website, yasminmogahed.com , where you can find a collection of her articles, poetry, and lectures.