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Husbands are Pre-decided, Do I Still Have to Look?

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Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 25, 2019

Question

Salam, hope you are doing well.This is my second time writing to you, as I believe that your responses are not only logical but thorough and easy to understand.I would like to know what Islam's take is on love marriages. Because I know that if a person likes someone else, they should let their parents know and if all goes well, they can get married. But how does one begin to like someone based on their personality without getting to know them first? As friendships and the like are forbidden.My problem right now is that I have already been close friends with this person. And in a few month time our high school will be over and we'll be parting our ways. As a person, who tries to do the right thing based on her religious findings, I am completely perplexed on what to do.I, more than anything else, want to marry this man. He's so much things, but most of all he is the sort of person who talks about things that matter. He makes me a better person and moreover a better Muslim. We only keep in touch in school and outside meetings are out of the question.The problem lies in the fact that he has little to no idea of my feelings. I fear that if I lose touch with him, which is inevitable really, I will lose my chance. Islamically should I just move on? Or let him know? I should also mention that my parents have told me that they do not mind me finding someone for myself. But what can I do??The timing for now is not right, otherwise I would have straight up told him how I feel and what I want to do. But is it worth it now? I know that the person you will marry is already decided for you by Allah, but does that mean that we shouldn't look?If in fact he feels the same way. I can assure you that there will be no dating of the sorts. I'd personally prefer to lose touch now and just let him know, so that in the future when he settles down I might be someone he considers.My intentions, I assure you, are nothing but pure in this sense. I don't have any hidden agendas. But does that have any say in the court of Allah. Or is this just a test? I understand that spouses are pre-decided but does that mean we don't have to look? Regards,P.S: He is someone who believes himself to be unlovable. But he is so much more than that. I just want to help him. I truly love this man. Even if we don't end up together. If my telling him helps curb his inner demons, is any of this justified?

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About Dina Mohamed Basiony

Dina Mohamed Basiony is a writer based in Cairo, Egypt. She is the Chief Editor of ProductiveMuslim.com. She specializes in Islam and spirituality. Dina holds an MA and BA in Journalism and Mass Communication from the American University in Cairo.

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