Answer
Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for the question.
Short Answer:
- Whether one is doing istikharah for marriage, or any other life-changing matter, one thing should be kept in mind. It is not a requirement for one to see a dream or vision afterwards. Although, Allah might show a Muslim a dream, as an allegory. However, this is not a must.
- Sister, it is very common during marriage proposals, for both parties to have very different inclinations.
- While one side might be keen, sadly, very often, the other is totally uninterested. Though this causes hurt and pain, one should remember that feelings cannot be forced.
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Sister, first of all, let us clarify some things about the istikharah prayer. Istikharah is a prayer in which a Muslim asks Allah for guidance in making the right decision. The Prophet ﷺ has prescribed that Muslims pray this beneficial prayer before deciding any important matter. (Sunan Al-Nisai)
Whether one is doing istikharah for marriage, or any other life-changing matter, one thing should be kept in mind. It is not a requirement for one to see a dream or vision afterwards. Although, Allah might show a Muslim a dream, as an allegory. However, this is not a must.
After doing istikharah sincerely, a Muslim should do what they think is right. The more sincere their istikharah is, the more quickly events will take a decisive turn. With the will and help of Allah.
What istikharah entails
The istikharah prayer is a beautiful way of asking Allah for goodness. A short sum-up of what this prayer actually entails:
In this prayer, a Muslim asks Allah for either one of two outcomes in a matter. They ask Allah to decree a particular outcome for them, if He knows it to be beneficial. Further, they ask Allah to avert that outcome from them, if He knows it to be detrimental for them.
By doing istikharah, a Muslim basically puts their full trust in Allah. They ask HIM to decree that outcome, which is best for them. Then they wait for the situation they find themselves in, to take a decisive turn.
Whatever eventual outcome comes about, they trust that it was Allah’s decision, in their bestinterest. Therefore, their heart finds peace and contentment with it.
The credibility of dreams
Dreams are not something on the basis of which a Muslim should make important, life-impacting decisions. A dream is a subtle hint or glad tiding from Allah, at best. And it is a baseless scare from Satan, at worst.
Sister, what you should do is to keep repeating your istikharah until a decisive outcome happens.
When that happens, trust in Allah that He decreed what was best for everyone involved. Then you should try to move on and seek your provision elsewhere.
Opposing results
Sister, it is very common during marriage proposals, for both parties to have very different inclinations.
While one side might be keen, sadly, very often, the other is totally uninterested. Though this causes hurt and pain, one should remember that feelings cannot be forced.
Especially where marriage is concerned, natural inclination is very important. If someone does not feel inclined towards marrying another, we cannot change the way they feel.
Please also bear in mind that, even more sadly, lying is very common during marriage proposals. It happens often that someone, when not inclined to a proposal, lies to save face.
They put the onus on other factors for refusing. E.g. they might say the istikharah did not come out positive, when they did not even perform one.
Or, erroneously, they could’ve asked someone else to perform istikharah on their behalf. Sadly, such mistakes are common.n
When one party is not interested, the other should accept this and move on.
All the while, they can continue praying to Allah, to ask Him to compensate them with better.
Turn to Allah and seek your provision
Imam An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “After making istikharah, a person must do what he or she is wholeheartedly inclined to do, and feels good about doing, and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah.“
Sister, I would recommend that you ask Allah to decree for you that which is better for you.
For this purpose, you can pray Salatul Hajah often. Ask Allah for a loving and happy marriage for yourself. I pray that Allah grants you such a marital union very quickly. Amen.
And Allah knows best.
I hope that this answers your question.
Salam. Please stay in touch.