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How to Control Anger?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 18, 2016

Question

I always get angry, and I get fed up with people easily… I don’t want to be angry all the time. What shall I do?

Consultant

Answer


How to Control Anger

Salam Dear Reader,

Thank you for sending us your question, and for your desire to purify certain aspects about your character in order to live a more peaceful life with those around you. May Allah ease your task for you and help you lead a peaceful, serene and pure life. Ameen!

Now, we see many of our brothers and sisters who get angry very easily.

However, we need to remember that our Noble Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) was sent to teach us the most noble of characters, not only to bring us the revelations of our Creator Almighty!

Allah Almighty says:

Certainly did Allah confer [great] favor upon the believers when He sent among them a Messenger from themselves, reciting to them His verses and purifying them and teaching them the Book and wisdom, although they had been before in manifest error.” [Quran 3: 164]

Allah Almighty sent the Messenger to teach us how to purify our characters from all diseases, how to carry ourselves and deal with different life situations.

Allah says about the Messenger:

And indeed, you are of a great moral character.” [Quran 68: 4]

Learning how to have a noble character and follow the Messenger’s model is needed to attain hekma (wisdom), attain closeness to Allah and His Messenger, and to be raised in status in this world and the next.

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr:

“Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) neither talked in an insulting manner nor did he ever speak evil intentionally. He used to say, “The most beloved to me amongst you is the one who has the best character and manners.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

In another narration, Jabir said that the Messenger of Allah said:

Indeed the most beloved among you to me, and the nearest to sit with me on the Day of Judgment is the best of you in character.” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

So attaining a good character- one that is peaceful, kind and merciful with all those around you- is not a luxury; it is a must in this religion and this path.

Now, here are a few things to remember when you get angry next time:

  • Allah Almighty says:

So whatever thing you have been given – it is but [for] enjoyment of the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely. And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive”. [Quran 42: 36-37]

Remember how Allah says that what is with Him is “better and more lasting” than whatever we will gain out of unleashing our anger. Yes it feels good to let loose your anger, but it is more powerful to control it, master your emotions and prioritize inner peace and outer peace over momentary relief of tension.

You can watch here a very useful short reminder and explanation of those verses.

  • Remember Allah saying:

And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” [Quran 24:22]

So, maybe you forgiving someone who irritated you would be the reason why Allah (swt) forgives you on the Day of Judgement. Who among us doesn’t want Allah to pardon and overlook oHow to Control Angerur countless mistakes and shortcomings?

  • Remember this hadith:

A man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), “Counsel me,” so he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated [his request for counsel] several times, and [each time] he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Do not become angry.” [Al-Bukhari]

Note how the Messenger of Allah prioritized this specific advice and kept repeating it to the man who needed to learn an important life lesson.

So, whenever you get angry, remember the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) as though he is telling YOU: “Don’t get angry. Don’t get angry. Don’t get angry.”

  • Follow the Prophet’s advice of being silent when you’re angry:

Ibn ‘Abbas said, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘ Teach and make it easy. Teach and make it easy.’ three times. He went on, ‘When you are angry, be silent’ twice.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

  • The Prophet also taught us:

“When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

So change your position when you get angry. If you are standing up and thus are in a position to strike, then calm yourself down by sitting down. If this didn’t take anger away, then carry on calming yourself down by actually lying down.

  • Also, remember that the Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]
  • Remember when you get angry also to say the words that the Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) taught us:

“Mu`adh bin Jabal narrated:

That one of the two men cursed the other next to the Prophet (peace be upon him), until anger could be recognized in the face of one of them. So the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“Verily, I know a statement, that if he were to say it, his anger would leave: ‘I seek refuge in Allah from Shaitan, the rejected (A`ūdhubillāhiminash-shaiṭānir-rajīm).’” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

Why is that? Because this anger is from the Shaitan (the accursed devil). It is like an intense heat or fire that overcomes the person… this fire is from the Shaitan. He too is made of fire!

He inflicts one’s ego at moments of anger, provokes people, magnifies words and situations to give them a greater magnitude than they deserve, and so people start to get overly angry at matters that might not be significant if analyzed rationally.

So when angry, try to anguish this fire by seeking refuge in Allah from the accursed devil, and also by making wudu (ablution) or drinking water… since water overcomes fire.

  • We need to take heed that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The most perfect believer in respect of faith is he who is best of them in manners. [Sunan Abi Dawud]

This is because those who have the best of manners are calm and peaceful due to their true faith in Allah (swt), because of preferring His reward and pleasure over momentary releases of tension. Also they fear Allah in harming other people.How to Control Anger

They know that Allah’s Name is The Source of Peace, how can they be close to Him, yet carry anger, hate and tension all around them? If you are close to The Source of Peace, then you must carry this with you and reflect it at all times and fear losing it… lest you lose His Closeness!

O Allah, You are the Source of Peace and from You comes peace, blessed are You, O Possessor of Majesty and Honor!

Hope we gave you some encouragement and few tips to follow.

Salam and please keep in touch.




About Dina Mohamed Basiony

Dina Mohamed Basiony is a writer based in Cairo, Egypt. She is the Chief Editor of ProductiveMuslim.com. She specializes in Islam and spirituality. Dina holds an MA and BA in Journalism and Mass Communication from the American University in Cairo.

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