Asalamu Alaikum Dear Sister,
Thank you for contacting About Islam with your very important question.
Please find part one of the answer to your question below. Find the second and final part at the link here.
My heart goes out to you, and I ask Allah to grant you ease and relief from distress, and make your life and your relationship with your family very happy.
Sister, Shaitan is trying to preoccupy you with the circumstance of your conception. The pens have been lifted regarding how you came into this world. And it is a test for you and your family.
Nothing short of complete memory loss, or deliberately stopping yourselves from recalling or talking about the circumstances of your origin will ever allow you all, as a family, to move past that unfortunate incident of rape.
And this suppression of the past might not be so healthy. I highly recommend that your entire family seek therapy for the hurt you are all feeling from this attack and the aftermath. But know it is not your fault and you hold no blame.
Please understand that anyone who tries to claim that a human being’s moral character is impacted by the sins of their parents is not drawing from Islamic teachings.
Original sin and inheriting sin or a sinful disposition comes from the Christian belief that humankind is responsible for Adam and Eve’s (Hawwa) sin.
This idea is rejected in Islamic teachings. Each person is only responsible for his or her own self. And to think that something you had no control over, especially your conception, will make you more sinful than others is baseless.
You are a creation of Allah, born with a nature (fitra) that leads you to do goodness.
No one should ever call you a “harami”. This term is hurtful and being conceived out of wedlock has no bearing on your moral capabilities. You are a human being, whole, and perfectly capable. Slandering you, calling you demeaning names, and threatening you, are all despicable and evil actions that Islam never allows.
And your family members should be counselled to refrain from demeaning you and repent for doing so in the past.
Despite the oppression you are suffering, you should focus on the three great blessings that you have right now, after your religious faith and belief in Islam of course, you are young, in good health, and have free time.
Now, in order to bring about a positive change in your life, you will need to follow a multi-faceted strategy, outlined in the points below:
Practice Patience and Self-restraint
Despite how unjustly your parents are treating you, you should never return their behavior and be disrespectful to them. Remember that Prophet Ibrahim’s (PBUH) own father had him thrown in a fire, but he was never disrespectful to him.
I know that this is a very difficult thing to do, especially in your circumstances. However, your parents have rights over you. And those rights include respect. Their treatment of you will be in their book of deeds. Do not add bad deeds to your account as a reaction.
Read and Educate Yourself
If you are mostly at home, study your deen and recite/ponder upon the Quran. I especially recommend that you read the explanation of Surah Yusuf, in which you will learn about the unfortunate events that Allah decreed for Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) for Yusuf’s own betterment.
Also, read life-improvement books and online self-help articles. I would especially recommend two books for you: Enjoy Your Life and Don’t Be Sad. These wonderful books are an excellent remedy for anyone who is being oppressed, or is going through a depressing time in their life.
Please continue reading at the link here: Part 2
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links: