How to Avoid Relationships that Don’t End in Marriage?

12 February, 2020
Q There is a colleague at school I'm attracted to but I'm afraid to get to know him as I may fall in love with him. We are both 16 years old, and the chances of us getting married are very slim. What should I do? Should I avoid any contact with him, or try to keep our relations as friends only?

Answer

Short Answer: romantic relationship that has no future often leads to a broken heart. This causes depression and other painful ailments. So, although it might be difficult, curbing desires to submit to Allah’s commands will benefit you. It will save you from pain, mental anguish, spiritual loss, disease, and regrets. Whenever a Muslim young adult avoids friendships and relationships with the opposite gender, Allah rewards them. If they are patient, Allah grants them pure and gratifying halal love through marriage. And this love will not cause them the pain and regret, which comes with romantic relationships.

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Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.

It is commendable, sister, that you are so concerned about gender interactions. Indeed, it is a blessing to be guided to follow the rules of Islam at such a young age. I ask Allah to make it easy for you to obey the rules of your religion.

Islamic guidance about gender interaction

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From the onset of puberty, the scribe angels start recording a Muslim’s actions. This means, it is the commencement of their accountability before Allah. It is also the start of the trial of sexual attraction between genders. A teenager starts experiencing desires related to the opposite sex. E.g. wanting to gaze at, talk to, spend time with, touch, or be in a relationship with one of them.

Allah has stated that He does not burden a soul more than it can bear. The existence of these desires is absolutely natural and normal. However, Allah has created them in order to test us. To see which one of us submits to His commands, and who transgresses. To reward those who are patient in obedience. And, unfortunately, to take to account those who defiantly sin.

In lieu of this, sister, you should definitely avoid contact with this guy. Particularly since you have wisely acknowledged no chance of a halal future with him (i.e. marriage). I would advise you against falling into a trap that Satan often uses to entice youngsters. This is the premise of being “just friends”.

Even many non-Muslims agree that a platonic friendship between an adult boy and girl is not possible. It is prudent for a Muslim to even avoid friendships with members of the opposite sex.

The wisdom behind Allah’s rules

There is great benefit and wisdom behind the limits that Allah has placed upon us. Whatever action He commands us to desist from, leads us to harm. And whatever He commands us to do, leads to our own benefit. Allah knows us better than we know our own selves. He created us and is our greatest well-wisher.

A romantic relationship that has no future often leads to a broken heart. This causes depression and other painful ailments. So, although it might be difficult, curbing desires to submit to Allah’s commands will benefit you. It will save you from pain, mental anguish, spiritual loss, disease, and regrets.

Whenever a Muslim young adult avoids friendships and relationships with the opposite gender, Allah rewards them. If they are patient, Allah grants them pure and gratifying halal love through marriage.

And this love will not cause them the pain and regret, which comes with romantic relationships.

Effect of peer company

Consider what usually happens when you tell unrighteous peers about your feelings for someone:

Go and talk to him.”

Oh, how he keeps looking at you.”

What’s stopping you? Just tell him you like him!”

You both will make such a cute couple.”

Such phrases only fuel desires and make one inch towards forbidden relationships. That is why, I want to advise you to find company of righteous female friends. They will, instead, advise you to be patient until marriage. That is, until the time for the pure love that is preordained for you to reach you.

Conclusion

I pray that Allah grants you high ranks of faith that facilitates righteous actions. May He grant you patience and steadfastness upon the noble path of chastity and modesty that you are upon, sister. Ameen.

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps.

Salam and please keep in touch.

(From Ask About Islam archives)

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

Falling in Love When Young: Allowed?

Does Islam Give Us the Freedom to Love?

I Want to Convert, But Where’s the Love in Islam?