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How Can I Become a Muslim Without My Family Knowing?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 15, 2019

Question

How can I become a muslim without my family knowing? I have a boyfriend who is a Muslim and he wants me to be a Muslim.. How can I become a Muslim without my family knowing????

Consultant

Answer


Muslim

Short Answer: I know some people embracing Islam don’t tell their parents for some time, but it should be avoided if possible. How can they manage the prayers, fast Ramadan and eat halal food if they hide their Islam? As for your Muslim boyfriend, why can’t you introduce him to your family first? Then, if they accept him as a Muslim after some time you can tell them you are interested in Islam.  This should give a smooth entrance into Islam.

………….

Thank you for your question. I will try to answer but the question is very complex.

It is very easy to say words, but very difficult to live up to those words. In your case you can say the Testimony of Faith but, who to and where? Usually a person wants others to know what they have done so it is said in a Mosque, or a group, with an Imam (a Muslim religious leader). Doing things in secret is discouraged in Islam, and hiding things from your parents is wrong. When these things are done a Muslim is not practicing Islam.

Why does your boyfriend want you to become Muslim? Since he is your boyfriend his practice of Islam is already questionable as there is no boy/girl relationship prior to marriage in Islam. Yes, I know things are changing, but young women still have to be protected.

You don’t mention anything about your boyfriend; not his age, his ethnicity, nor how long he has been your boyfriend. I assume it is serious because of his request to you.

Do your parents know you have a boyfriend? Would they agree if they knew? Would they accept him as your boyfriend?

Why can’t you introduce him to your family first? Then, if they accept him as a Muslim after some time you can tell them you are interested in Islam.  This should give a smooth entrance into Islam.

If they raise objections, you would need to evaluate their objections. You can assume they have your best interests at heart, and that they care for you. If they say you are too young and you should wait. You should accept that. If the boy is serious he will wait.

They may try to get you to stop seeing the boy and for that they will have reasons. You should consider them. You might find it difficult, but it might be best for you

One example: I had a 13 year old girl say the Testimony of Faith in my house some 10 years ago, and a class-fellow, a 14 year old boy who had said the Testimony of Faith a year previously was present. Their situation was completely different. They had Muslim friends and liked the qualities (manners and moral values) they saw in their Muslim friends and wanted to be like them. Their parents had sat with the Muslim families and discussed what being a Muslim meant. Only then did they give their consent for their children to become Muslim.

Another example. I gave a lecture on Islam and a young Bangladeshi man asked me afterwards if i would talk to his 17 year old girlfriend about Islam. I said my wife would. They talked and the girl became Muslim in my house at the beginning of Ramadan one year. She told the boyfriend now we can’t go out together, we can’t kiss and we cannot be alone together. The boy was upset and talked to me about it. I told him the girl was practicing Islam and he had wanted her to become Muslim. After a year or so, he began to pressure the girl to marry him, but she wasn’t ready for marriage and she rejected him. I spent a couple of hours consoling him in a car eating chicken and chips.

Yes, young people your age do embrace Islam. It is un-Islamic to try to hide it. I know some people embracing Islam don’t tell their parents for some time, but it should be avoided if possible.  How can they manage the prayers, fast Ramadan and eat halal food if they hide their Islam?

In conclusion:

  • Do your parents allow you to have boyfriends at your age?

  • If they do, introduce your boyfriend to them as a Muslim.

  • If they accept him, then with time, you can declare your interest in Islam.

I know this sounds slow and painful, but it is the right way. If you are both serious then you can be patient and you will appreciate it later in life.

Now, your parents may not accept him, then what? You would have to accept that they only want what they think is best for you, and that they do care for you. It would be painful, but you are young and you would get over it, and it would probably be the best solution.

Islam does not condone secretive, underhand and illicit dealings. A Muslim should never engage in such activities. If one does do such things it is not Islam that is being practiced. It is always best to be honest and to tell the truth. Allah will protect you and guide you if you are sincere to Him. He will find a way for you.

Last but not least, embrace Islam wholeheartedly, not just for your boyfriend’s sake.

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps.

Salam and please keep in touch.

(From Ask About Islam archives)

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

I Converted to Islam: How to Tell My Parents?

How Can I Tell My Parents I Converted to Islam?

I Showed the Beauty of Islam Through My Actions




About Daud Matthews

Daud Matthews was born in 1938, he embraced Islam in 1970, and got married in Pakistan in 1973.

Matthews studied physics and subsequently achieved Chartered Engineer, Fellow of both the British Computer Society and the Institute of Management.He was working initially in physics research labs, he then moved to computer management in 1971. He lived and worked in Saudi Arabia from 1974 to 1997 first with the University of Petroleum and Minerals, Dhahran,and then with King Saud University in Riyadh. He's been involved in da'wah since 1986.

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