Answer
Salam Dear Sister,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
May Allah reward you for taking this responsibility of looking after your mother and trying to guide her to what pleases Allah; may Allah grant you a higher position in Paradise Insha’Allah.
As you are well-aware, Islam encourages us to treat our parents kindly. It is mentioned in the Quran, what is translated as:
Your Lord has decreed not worship none but Him, and to be good to your parents; should both or any one of them attain old age with you, do not say to them even “fie” neither chide them, but speak to them with respect (Quran chapter 17, verse 23)
There is also a special place for the mother in our religion; it was narrated by Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man came to Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) and said:
“O Allah’s Messenger! Who is more entitled to be treated with my best companionship?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man said: “Who is next?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man further said: “Who is next?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet finally said: “Your father.” (Bukhari, Book 73, Hadith 2)
My first advice to you is to stay steadfast and very patient with your mother, which I am sure you are already doing. The approach to curing your mother from improper Islamic behavior is more or less like taking a medical treatment. You need to try a few of these tactics and come back to us for more if they don’t work.
Remind Her of Allah’s Choosing of Her
First, remind your mother that when she took her shahadah that she made a covenant with the Creator, Allah. This act was for her own sake, and it was not to please you or to please anyone else; it was only to please Allah since He is the only One who will forgive her sins and grant her Paradise. So losing such an opportunity is a great mistake.
Upon taking her shahadah, your mother’s sins were wiped out as if she has never committed any sins; this was mentioned by our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).
Many scholars are of the opinion that Allah even replaces her bad deeds with good deeds as in verses 63-71 from Surah Furqaan, chapter 25. Now that your mother has started with a clean account, she needs to keep it up since going back to disbelief will surely make her lose all these great rewards.
Focus on Foundation
Being of old age means that she is approaching death faster than most of us and she should be looking forward to the hereafter rather than this world. So, her awareness that her friends might not be her real friends should be emphasized, since some people are calling her to the hell-fire while others are trying to call her to Paradise.
This world’s temptations are easy to fall for, while what pleases Allah might be harder to follow unless someone is well-established in Islam.The question is how to practically put these ideas in her mind. Doing this requires daily reminders in the form of short but to-the-point talks about the five pillars of Islam, starting with the oneness of Allah and moving on to the next pillar as she understands the previous one.
There is no use talking to her about the five daily prayers if she did not yet grasp the concept behind the main Islamic creed; so take your time until the message sticks in her mind.
Be Realistic Regarding Her Male Friend
I suggest inviting her friend to these talks, in the hope that the message reaches his heart, since she seems to like him and is even willing to marry him. If he becomes a Muslim then her idea of marrying him would become lawful; this might not be what you are looking for, but it could be ideal considering the circumstances. Give this approach some time to work and please do not give-up.
If this does not work, then I suggest removing her from her current environment; this is obviously easily said than done.
It would be wonderful if there is a nursing home for older Muslims in your community so she can fill her time with people who share her same creed. Note that I am not in favor of Muslims putting their parents in such places, but this could be a solution for your mother’s lifestyle.
If this is not an option then you need to fill her time away from her neighbor; you would have to think about what could be beneficial for her. You might suggest to the local Muslim community to have regular meetings between Muslims of her age.
Be Patient With Her
To summarize, do your best to patiently advise her and try to incorporate her male friend and invite him to Islam, but remember she is a grown woman, and your mother, so be respectful. Remember you cannot force her to do anything outside her will, including wearing hijab, praying, or staying away from her male friend.
I advise you to make lots of du’a for you and your mother; constantly asking Allah to guide her and to keep you steadfast upon belief. Also give the matter ample time to gradually work.
I hope this helps answer your question.
Salam and please keep in touch.
This response is from About Islam’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date
Satisfy Your Curiosity by checking out these other helpful links: