Answer
Salam (Peace) Dear Stephanie,
Thank you for your questions and trust in Ask About Islam.
As for the canning issue; it is another serious point, which needs to be addressed thoroughly and in details. But, I’ll brief it for you here:
– Men in Islam are not allowed to hit or beat their wives. There is a big difference between the linguistic connotations of the English words “hit” or “beet”, and the Arabic word “darab”, which is mentioned in the Quran and then translated into the act of hitting or beating.
– The Quran clearly directs men to “darb” their wives when other techniques do not work.
– But what are the linguistic connotations of the word “darb” and when do men have the right to use this technique?
– Well, many scholars have agreed that this “physical punishment” is only used whenever a woman willingly and consciously chooses to pressure her husband, for the sake of her own demands, by denying him the right to enjoy their physical relation in order to reach her goals. If she uses her physical nature against him, then it is fair enough that if she receives a warning, it would be from the same nature; physical.
– Please note that the Quran presents other solutions before using darb. It suggests consulting wise family members and ignoring her physical needs (as she did), while they are sharing the same bed.
– Then, if nothing works, then the husband (only in a husband-wife relation) is permitted to darb his wife. You use the word cane and I insist on using the Arabic word “darb”. I do this because, as mentioned above, the linguistic connotations of the Arabic word, differs than the English word “hit”, “beat” or even “cane”.
– darb is an Arabic word that has multiple connotations, among which are the ideas of moving and treading on earth, and can also mean to draw something softly on the other. For example, when women draw their head cover over their bosoms, this act is to do “darb”. And, when a person moves and treads like a traveler on our Mother-Earth, then he is doing “darb”.
– Endless meanings and connotations are for the word, but none give the aggressive meaning of hit or beat. Maybe the closest in meaning would be “to draw”. Some scholars go for the opinion that the divine order mentioned in the Quran might mean that if trying to draw the attention of one’s wife that her attitude is not accepted, and she does not re-consider it, then the husband can do “darb” on Earth, by leaving her and going away, maybe she will feel how mistaken she was.
– Some other scholars, which are the majority, agree that the husband is permitted to “sewak” his wife, or to do “darb” to his wife, using “sewak”. Sewak is the natural plant that is used as teeth cleaner. A normal sewak rod would look like a long human finger, of a nature very close to fresh bamboo.
– So, if it is a rod a bit longer than your finger, as soft as fresh bamboo, will it ever hurt when someone touches you with? How would you feel as woman if you have not been in physical touch with your husband for a while, and then he suddenly touches you with a soft short juicy rod? Have you ever seen a natural sewak? Will it tickle when he does that or will you feel abused? Will you laugh or frown? Will you curb a smile or burst in anger?
– The logic here Stephanie is about physical reconciliation. God wants us to reconcile. He opens a door for the deserted men to reconcile in dignity, without getting rejected again, and for the women to accept the man coming close, without feeling enslaved to his physical needs. It is all about reconciliation my dear. It has nothing to do with physical abuse. You cannot abuse anyone in the world with a soft juicy fresh rod, as short as your finger, a bit longer or a bit shorter.
– A point worth mentioning here is that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is considered the role model to be followed by all Muslims. Yet, it was never mentioned that he ever hit or beat any of his wives. On the contrary, he was always good to them and he even shared in the household errands!
– It is a fact that many Muslim men do physically abuse their women. They beat them, hit them, scold them and even rape them! Yet, this has nothing to do with Islam. The other reality is that Islam in itself is all about peace, love, and self-development. It is about a Prophet who had a complete household of brilliant women, but he always chose to sweep the ground and sew his sandals. Then where is the hitting and beating of women?!
– A final note Stephanie: If a husband has the right to use “darb” with his wife in order to reach reconciliation, then what would stop a wife from “darb-ing” her husband whenever she feels like it!!!
I hope this answer is useful enough my dear.
My salams and please keep in touch.