Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear brother,
Addiction to pornography and masturbation is a major problem today due to the ease of which pornography can be accessed. Once we engage in it, it is also a very difficult habit to kick, as you are now experiencing first hand.
This Can Even Destroy Future Marriage
The long-term effects of porn addiction and masturbation will be with you for a very long time unless you get help to overcome this problem. The images that you have allowed to pollute your mind will stay with you whether you are married or not, and in some cases, experiences with pornography can hurt and even destroy marriages.
Should Be Treated as Drugs & Gambling
Although marriage is important for addressing the desire and need for sex, don’t assume that this addiction you have will go away just because you are married. Chances are it won’t because porn has become like a drug to you, and you have become addicted to it. According to Marriott (2003), porn is as addictive as drugs or gambling and, therefore, should be treated as such.
David Morgan, a counselor that works with porn addicts said, “the more time you spend in this fantasy world, the more difficult it becomes to make the transition to reality. Just like drugs, pornography provides a quick fix, a masturbatory universe people can get stuck in. This can result in their not being able to involve anyone else.” And many men do get stuck there, even after they marry or have real relationships.
The author continues and says this about the path you are on now, “The myth about porn, as a witness told the 1983 Minneapolis City Council public hearings on it is that “it frees the libido and gives men an outlet for sexual expression. This is truly a myth. I have found pornography not only does not liberate men, but on the contrary is a source of bondage. Men masturbate to pornography only to become addicted to the fantasy. There is no liberation for men in pornography. (It) becomes a source of addiction, much like alcohol. There is no temporary relief. It is mood-altering. And reinforcing, i.e., ‘you want more’ because ‘you got relief’. It is this reinforcing characteristic that leads men to want the experience they have in pornographic fantasy to happen in real life.”
So brother, you are an addict, and you need to get help. Marriage is important, but it won’t be enough probably, given the extent of your addiction.
Share Your Problem
Do your parents know about the extent of this addiction? If they did, perhaps they would feel differently about your need to marry. I strongly advise you to share with them the extent of the problem you are facing no matter how humiliating disclosing such information might be. You have little choice at this point as you are endangering your spiritual and psychological well-being.
Also, I think it’s imperative that you see a counselor or a therapist to get help. Please seek assistance to help you understand this problem and address it.
If there is no way to marry at this point in time, try to surround yourself with pious male friends or family as often as you can so that you are in the company of those who can stand as a barrier between you and the porn. Being alone is very dangerous for people in your situation.
Destroying Your Deen
You need to realize that this addiction is going to destroy your deen, not to mention your future marriage, if you do not get help and act.
Make du’aa’ asking Allah to grant you an easy and clear path to overcome this problem. Ask Allah to put love in your heart for that which Allah loves, and displeasure for that which Allah displeases.
Every time you feel yourself weakening and desiring pornography, leave that place if you can and go out into public, pray, do something to break that desire.
And all success and help is with Allah.
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