I feel so jealous of successful people. Maybe it's because I am being compared to them. My husband very recently was telling me how successful his female colleagues are and how he managed to have me who can't contribute financially.
I have recently seen a guy in a youtube video and felt extremely jealous of him because he is everything that I wanted to be: high confident, high intelligence, good career and talent.
Honestly I am also that person who is always grateful to Allah for whatever I have.I just want to overcome this feeling I also want to be successful.
I want to remind you that I have no complaints to Allah. I love him the most even when I am not worldly successful. I will not give up on my faith. But I needed to share it so I can feel better. Please pray for my better future and happiness. Thank you in advance.
Answer
In this counseling article:
- If this is a constant pattern and he repeatedly belittles you or makes you feel inferior to other women, it could become a form of emotional abuse. Communicate clearly that this behaviour hurts you and ask him to stop. Even if his intentions are good, comparisons that are intended as encouragement can have the opposite effect.
- As Muslims, we understand that success has a totally different meaning. It is not limited to worldly achievements but also has a spiritual dimension.
Assalamu alaykom, dear sister,
Thank you for your letter.
You mentioned that you feel you are becoming a jealous person, particularly when it comes to people you perceive as successful. You also mentioned that your husband recently compares you to his female co-workers. I can imagine that this makes things even more difficult for you.
First of all, sister, I understand what you are going through, and I am really sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. When someone close to you, such as your husband, constantly makes you feel that you are not good enough or that you are not as successful, kind, intelligent, or capable as other people, it is understandable that you might feel hurt, insecure, or even jealous.
I do not know why your husband does this or what his intentions are. But if this is a constant pattern and he repeatedly belittles you or makes you feel inferior to other women, it could become a form of emotional abuse.
I cannot determine from your letter alone whether this is what is happening in your situation, but it is something worth paying attention to.
On the other hand, you mentioned that you accept yourself for who you are. That is a good starting point. However, I also wonder whether you have considered what success actually means to you.
What is success?
There are many different definitions of success. It does not necessarily mean having a high-ranking corporate position, being highly confident, possessing exceptional intelligence, or achieving a successful career.
As Muslims, we understand that success has a totally different meaning. It is not limited to worldly achievements but also has a spiritual dimension. You know that the only ranking that exists for us is related to taqwa.
So, I would encourage you to reflect on your own life. How successful are you when it comes to your daily life, character, your kindness, your worship, your relationship with your husband, and the way you treat your family and others? These are all important aspects of success, too.
I am sure you have many qualities that contribute positively to your family and the lives of those around you, even if you do not always recognise them yourself.
Any resentment?
At the same time, I wonder whether you might be carrying some resentment or disappointment about certain things in your life. Perhaps there were opportunities you wanted to pursue, such as studying something or building a particular career, but circumstances prevented you from doing so.
Are there any unfulfilled aspirations or unresolved feelings you are struggling with?
I would highly recommend speaking to a counsellor or therapist who can help you explore where these feelings stem from and work with you to reshape the way you view yourself, your life, and your understanding of success. This could be a very helpful step towards developing greater self-acceptance and inner peace.
Regarding your husband, if he continues to compare you to other women, I would encourage you to communicate clearly that this behaviour hurts you and ask him to stop. Even if his intentions are good, comparisons that are intended as encouragement can have the opposite effect. He needs to understand that making you feel inferior to other women is not an appropriate way to encourage or support you.
If he continues to belittle you or make hurtful comments despite your expressing how you feel, consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a family member or a qualified professional. Remember that your worth is not determined by how you compare to other women, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
I hope this helps, insha’Allah.
