That is fine, but on the other hand, a wedding is very important to me, and my father absolutely won’t pay for everything as that’s not his Islamic or cultural responsibility. In Palestinian tradition it is the husband who covers wedding costs. My fiance is not very well off, his family is poor and he doesn’t have a full time job yet so funds are limited.
At the same time I am not asking for anything crazy, I found a small venue that I like, my father has offered to cover the food costs, and my friends and I can put together the decor for as cheap as possible. That’s literally it. My father insists that my fiance should cover the cost of the venue and the cake, as well as at least one piece of gold for me.
I’m not sure what I'm supposed to do in this situation because I'm already compromising on a few things with my fiance that I'm not thrilled about, so losing a wedding too would be extremely sad and disappointing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Try to approach this conversation not as a battle over money, but as an opportunity to learn how the two of you solve problems together.
- If having the wedding is very important to you, perhaps both of you could consider a simpler honeymoon so that some of those resources can go toward the wedding.
Assalamu alaikum sister,
Thank you for sharing your situation. You are engaged and currently planning your wedding and honeymoon. Your fiancé has told you that he is not financially able to cover the cost of the wedding. He is willing to pay for the honeymoon without restrictions.
In your culture and tradition, the wedding expenses are usually covered by the groom’s family. Your father does not want to carry the entire burden alone, although he has agreed to contribute. You are also willing to reduce costs, and even your friends are offering help. It seems that you are trying to compromise and make things work, while hoping your fiancé would contribute to some of the wedding expenses, such as the venue or the cake.
From what you describe, it sounds like you are already making efforts to compromise and find solutions. I also understand that for you, the wedding has great significance. I am not sure what he thinks about it.
Your fiancé’s financial situation is also understandable. Pressuring him beyond his means probably won’t be helpful and can lead to further conflict.
Reconsidering priorities
One thing that may be worth discussing together is whether the honeymoon budget could be adjusted. If having the wedding is very important to you, perhaps both of you could consider a simpler honeymoon so that some of those resources can go toward the wedding. Or, you may choose to delay it, if he does not want to restrict its expenses.
It would be helpful to have a conversation with him. Seek compromise not only in the wedding but on both plans.
What is more important to each one of you, the wedding, the travel, or both? What is realistically affordable to cover, and what is that you may need to let go for now? Letting go does not have to be altogether; you can seek cost reduction too.
Hopefully both of you are able to hear those needs that are not shared. For example, if for him the wedding is not as important, he should understand that for you it is, which means that he has to adjust on his plans too.
Try to approach this conversation not as a battle over money, but as an opportunity to learn how the two of you solve problems together.
I hope this helps,