My husband doesn’t show any type of interest in me or in spending quality time with me, he doesn’t compliment me, he doesn’t say I love you unless I tell him and even then he doesn’t look at me when he says it because he’s always on his phone. I always need to go to him to get a hug or a kiss and even then it’s a burden to him because I’m disturbing him (as he’s on his phone) and so he tells me I’m annoying. I’ve tried to go when he’s not on his phone but there is always something like “I’m busy I need to do this” or “that” and I would be like it takes you a second to give me a hug. He would then hug me with no love, just for the sake of it. I don’t feel like he cares for me or even rates me , every time I talk or try to explain something he says to be quick as I’m “starting to annoy him.”
All I’ve always wanted in my marriage was to be and feel loved, unfortunately I don’t feel this way, which is very important for me as it also affects my way of being with my husband. I tend to not want to do things for him or even be nice sometimes and this leads to arguments sometimes or more resentment from my side. When I try to be nice and think that he will then be nice and show me love he doesn’t.
I have told him all this but nothing has changed. I feel like he doesn’t care about me or our marriage. What am I supposed to do?
Answer
Not feeling loved in a marriage can happen even when everything works well. Different upbringings and different ways of expressing affection can cause misunderstandings.
To think that your spouse loves you is different from feeling that he or she does.
The feelings of both of you matter equally, so if he does not make you feel loved, there is some work to do.
Make a list of how you knew that he loved you at the beginning of your marriage. Try to find out what happened that time when he stopped expressing his feelings. Could this change be related to some events?
Communication matters; try to be kind and not emotional when you talk about this topic and convey your ideas in a neutral way. Why?
Click on the video to learn more about how to approach your spouse in a situation like this.
More from Sr. Aisha:
- I Love My Husband More Than Allah?
- I’m Not In Love with My Husband; I Don’t Know Why
- I’m Married, but Love Another Man Whom I Wish to Marry
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