Dear Brothers/Sisters,

Thank you very much for joining us in this Fatwa session. We would also like to thank our guest, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, for answering the questions directed to him. You will find the answers to your questions below.

Q:

I read a hadith that if a Muslim falls into a doubtful matter then he falls into the unlawful. Does that mean if we agree with a certain scholarly opinion that allows something that other scholars don’t allow, we will be sinful? For example, some scholars permit digital photography and some don’t, so by doing photography since I agree with a certain group of scholars make me sinful?

A:

Allah orders us to refer to those endowed with knowledge regarding issues we are confused about or if we do not know.

Allah says, “Ask those endowed with knowledge-if you do not know.” (An-Nahl 16:43)

“When some news of security or alarm comes their way, they broadcast it. But had they referred it to the Messenger, and to those in authority among them, those who can conclude it would have comprehended it.” (An-Nisaa 4: 83)

There is an enlightening story highlighting the critical nature of this issue.

A group of companions was traveling. One of them had had an injury to his head. He experienced a wet dream. And it was freezing. So he asked those around him whether he needed to bathe. They told him that he should and when he did that, his sickness worsened, and he died. When they related the incident to the Prophet (peace be upon him), he said, “They killed him. He should have consulted the knowledgeable. It would have been enough for him to perform tayammum.”

Imam Ibn Abd al-Barr comments: “If a Muslim is ignorant of any issue in religion, they must ask those who are knowledgeable.”

As for the question of whom to consult, one should consult the one known for integrity and expertise.

We have precedents from the Prophet’s companions for this: even though all of them had the basic knowledge and had mastery of the language when in doubt, they would consult those reputed for their more excellent knowledge. That is why we learn that not all of the companions offered rulings were around 130, while only 7 of them were the most prolific.

When faced with conflicting rulings, one should follow the opinion of the one whose integrity and scholarship one can trust.

There is no need to be overly anxious on such issues since we are allowed to follow any divergent views on controversial issues among scholars.

Someone told the pious caliph, Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz: I wish that the companions held differences of opinion. He objected to the statement and said, “I am so happy to see that they held different views; as I can choose any one of them; if they did not hold different views, then we would have to choose a single opinion.” That is the maxim: “Differences of opinion in my Ummah is a sign of divine mercy.”

 Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Once, at the request of a friend of my mother, I wrote Sura al Fatiha (in Arabic) so that later these verses could be inscribed on a tombstone.

Will this sin be forgiven me if I do tawba or, in addition to tawba, I definitely need to contact my mother’s friend and explain to her that it is forbidden to write the verses of the Quran on the tombstone, since by my actions I indirectly confirmed the permissibility of inscribing the verses of the Quran on the tombstone?

A:

The majority of scholars believe that it is haram to inscribe the Quranic verses on tombstones as it is akin to desecrating or violating the sanctity of the Word of Allah. Therefore, graves are not the proper places to preserve the sanctity of the Word.

Therefore, one should neither resort to such practices nor facilitate nor condone them. One who condones a sin is also a partner in sin.

You should do your best to remove the tombstones or erase the inscriptions in light of the above. You also ought to seek forgiveness and resolve, never to repeat it.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Can a son whose parents were divorced Not visit the parent he’s not living with, because the parent he’s not living with kicked him out of the house and wronged him. Even if the parent that he’s not living with wants to see him, but also spreads lies about the parent that he lives with. jazakAllahu khayran

 A:

Our duties towards our parents come second only to our duties towards Allah. Therefore, Allah commands us to honor our parents even if they are non-believers. The only exception is that we must never obey them if they order us to disobey Allah.

Therefore, you ought to visit your father even though he has been rude to you. By doing so, you stand to gain the blessings of Allah. Therefore, you should not abandon your father even if your mother tells you otherwise.

We are not to obey any of our parents if they order us to do things that Allah does not sanction. The Prophet said, “No obedience is due to anyone in disobedience to Allah.” (Reported by Suyuti)

As for what your father did to you, you may do well to forgive him.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Asalamualaikum,

I have dreams that are always very much near to reality, mostly I see things happening beforehand in my dreams. Once a spirit disturbed all my family, afraid all of us by showing it’s existence, I started wazaef and it started appearing and fighting with me in my dreams, I defeated it in my dream and it never came to scare me or any of my family member after that. Whenever anyone in my family dies, the person also starts coming in my dreams, few asking me to pray for them, while I see some of them enjoying in paradise, they keep coming for many days after their death.

I have also seen some very important religious personalities in my dreams. What’s all this? I am not very virtuous but close to Allah. How should I respond to my dreams?

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I do not claim to know how to interpret dreams.

I can only make some general comments here in response to your question:

First, some dreams are glad tidings for the believer. So, if you have seen dreams that came true, they can be considered sound.

Therefore, you should thank Allah and motivate yourself to be more pious when you see such visions. However, you are not allowed to decide a person’s destiny based on such dreams, whether in paradise or hell.

Dreams can also be our self-projection or occupations during the wakeful hours, or it could be the result of Satan playing with our minds or the effect of foods we consume or images or scenes we watch.

If you see bad dreams, offer the following supplication:

Bismillaahi lladhee laa yadhurru ma’ismihi shayun fi al-ardhi walaa fi al-ssamaai wahuwa al-ssmeeul `aleem

(In the name of Allah; with His name, nothing on the earth or heaven can do any harm. He is the All-Hearing and All-Knowing).

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I don’t have the desire to get married. How can I convince my parents?

A:

If you have no desire to get married, you may choose to forego marriage. However, if sexual desires torment you, you should get married to guard yourself against falling into sins.

If, however, you have no such desire and hence no fear of falling into sins, then you may remain a celibate. And your parents cannot force you to get married. Imam Ibn Taymiyya says marriage is left to a person’s choice, just like choosing the food he wants to eat. Hence neither parents nor anyone else has the right to prevent a person from exercising that choice.

On further details on the legal status of marriage in Islam, let me cite one of my earlier answers:

“Although marriage is generally considered a highly recommended act, yet from the point of view of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence)—because of diverse circumstances—it can readily fall into one of the four categories listed below: Fard (obligatory) or mustahabb (recommended) or haram (forbidden) or simply halal (permitted).

1. Marriage is considered fard (obligatory) if a person is so tormented by sexual desire that he/she fears falling into the sin of fornication. Since staying away from fornication is obligatory, and since marriage is the only avenue for legitimate sexual satisfaction, it becomes obligatory on such a person to get married. This is based on the principle in jurisprudence that says: “If an obligatory thing cannot be fulfilled except by fulfilling another, then fulfilling the latter becomes equally obligatory.”

2. If, however, he or she is not so tormented by sexual desire, and, hence, there is no fear of falling into sin, then it is highly recommended to get married if one has the means to do so. By doing so, one is fulfilling one of the great Sunnahs of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), our perfect role model.

3. If a person knows for certain that he or she cannot fulfill the duties required in marriage, and there is no fear of his/her falling into sin, then it becomes haram for such a person to get married. Islam forbids us from doing injustice to another person; this would definitely be the case if one were to neglect his/her spousal duties.

4. If a person has no means to marry and is, therefore, incapable of fulfilling his spousal duties, but has strong desire, it is permitted for him to get married—provided he tries earnestly to seek an honest source of living. Allah has promised to help such a person. We must also add here a further note that the Muslim community has a duty to assist such people until such time that they become self-reliant.

If, however, no such measures are available, and a person finds himself unable to fulfill his spousal duties, he is advised to curb his desires through the discipline of fasting and other acts of sublimation.”

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Assalamualykum,

I have been married for 4 years now. I have one baby boy. Recently I find out my husband addicted to pornography and chat with random girls in online. He flirts with them and did adult chat even show his privates parts to the girls randomly. I caught him many times he said he won’t do it but he just do it everytime. He is still doing it. I am really stressed and break inside. i love my husband a lot. Want a happy family.but He is not interested to stop this thing s.

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I empathize with your situation and pray to Allah to inspire you to make the right decision. A person addicted to porn can only break that habit if he is motivated to do so. So, you will not have any peace of mind in your marriage unless he does so.

Likewise, a person who finds pleasure in porn cannot be motivated to change the habit unless and until he recognizes the pain he is causing himself and his partner. If he is a Muslim, he should worry about his salvation, for his addiction to porn and vices can cost him his after-life.

So, try to speak with him and ask him if you would like him to go for counseling; if he is not willing to do so, you have to decide to ask for a divorce.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I’m at the end of my rope, with my mother and her siblings controlling my inheritance after my father’s death, constantly bullying me to get married to some cousin. They even tell me to marry a 18 yo cousin since no one else is single in family, so my inheritance doesn’t go outside family. I’m almost 30. I don’t like my family. I’m open to marrying a pious guy who’s also educated and has a good thinking pattern, if i come across one. I don’t have any superficial standards. I just don’t think i NEED just the label of marriage instead of a healthy relationship. I am also comfortable beinh single. I cannot live with my mother and her family forever. They’re driving me crazy. I get threatened and my mobility is limited. Am i not allowed to live my life? I want to move out, maybe even out of country once I’m financially independent. But they won’t let me. I just want a peaceful life free of greed and their unfair control. Does islam not allow this to a woman? Do i not have the right to mobility, travel, and leave toxic environment and build my own life, and maybe find a good partner in the process?

A:

Neither your mother nor her siblings have any right to control your inheritance or force you to marry someone you don’t want to marry. Islam does not allow parents to dos so.

We have a clear precedent from the Prophet to prove the above point.  A woman complained to the Prophet that her father had married her off to his nephew to raise his family status. When the Prophet verified the issue, he wanted to dissolve the marriage. At that point, the woman said, “I have accepted my father’s choice, but I wanted the women to know that parents have no right to compel their daughters in regards to marriage.” (Ibn Majah)

Therefore, you have the right to refuse to marry your cousin. So, you are free to marry the person you want to marry as long as he is compatible in faith and character. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If someone with sound faith and character approaches for marriage, marry him; otherwise, you are paving the way to corruption in the land.” (At-Tirmdih and Ibn Majah)

Once you are married, you may move out with your husband.

It is not correct to say that parents can restrict the free movements of their sons or daughters. However, it is true that Islam, out of concern for women’s safety and protection, warned them against travel without mahram far away unless they had no reason to fear for their safety.

That is why he said in Makkah, “I will continue this struggle until a young woman can travel all by herself to Hira to Haram without any fear!”

 In light of the above, let me make the following points:

First, your mother or other blood relatives have no right to force you to marry anyone; you have the right to choose a person with good faith and character even if they object.

Once you are married, you are not bound to live with your mother or have blood relations; you can move wherever you mutually agree as a married couple.

Islam does not restrict the freedom of movement; it is a false belief; it has no basis in the precedents and practices of the Prophet and his companions; women, including the wives of the Prophet, used to travel while ensuring their safety.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

AoA

My father died on 1October 2021 which is 24 safar1443. I am very confused about the calculation of days my mother has been in iddat from his death day but now me are not able to estimate when it will be finished kindly help us.

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Before answering the question, let us pray to Allah to forgive your father and admit him to paradise; I also pray that Allah inspires your mother and all of you to accept the will of Allah with patience.

Now let me come directly to your question:

Allah says: “As for those of you who die and leave widows behind, let them observe a waiting period of four months and ten days. When they have reached the end of this period, then you are not accountable for what they reasonably decide for themselves. And Allah is All-Aware of what you do.” (Al-Baqarah 2: 234)

Some scholars believe that one should follow the lunar or Hijri calculations, in which case the days could vary; others say they should track the number of days as ruled by Imam Abu Hanifah. Accordingly, she should complete one hundred and thirty days from the day of his death. Therefore, I would advise her to follow this ruling to make the calculation easy for her.

Based on the above, your mother’s Iddah would expire on Thursday, the 10th of February.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I have ocd. I put 2or3 clothes in bathroom floor and use hand shower to wash clothes.

While giving water in clothes water splashes from one to another. Does it make clothes pure?

A:

You don’t need to worry over the purity and impurity of clothes as long you have cleaned them three times. If you cannot do so, a single washing would suffice as long as it is thorough.

Islam is easy to practice, so leave it easy; if you make it challenging, you will give up religion altogether.

The Prophet said, “This religion is easy; whoever makes it hard will be defeating himself.” (Al-Bukhari)

So, what you are experiencing is due to the whisperings of Satan; you ought to drive him away by seeking refuge in Allah and don’t let Satan force you to stop practicing your religion.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Assalamwalikum. My maid mop floor with same bucket and cloth. Sometime there is urine dried in floor and she mop with same bucket and cloth.

Today while mopping room she touched my clothes with wet hand.do this make my clothes impure?

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

It would be best if you had to instruct her to clean the floor twice, the second time after emptying used water and filling it with fresh water. Then, you can deem the spot clean once she has done it.

Also, you may ask her to clean the spot touched by urine with water first before using the mop.

If you are sure that she touched your clothes with dirty hands, you should rewash them.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Fasting in Rajab is good or not? I will like to know

A:

Eminent scholars such as Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyin, Ibn Rajab, Ibn Hajar, and others have ruled that there is no sound tradition on the excellence of fasting during the month of Rajab. All of the so-called reports cited in this regard are unreliable, so we cannot base any ruling on them. Nor are we allowed to attribute them to the Prophet; he said, “Whoever misattributes something to me, let him find his abode in hell-fire.” (Al-Bukhari)

Imam Ibn Hajr states: “There is no sound tradition from the Prophet, worthy of adherence in regards to the excellence of the month of Ramadan or fasting during the month or any of its days specifically or setting aside any day of Rajab for special prayers.”

Ibn al-Qayyim says: “All of the traditions allegedly stating the excellence of offering optional fasts or prayers during the month of Rajab are pure fabrications.”

Therefore, there is no basis for setting aside the month of Rajab for special devotions such as fasts or prayers.

Having said this, this does not mean you are not allowed to observe voluntary fasts in Rajab just like any other month as long as you do not fast on the days when fasting is forbidden or undesirable.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

My question is I married to a person who seem ok British later after marrige he go back after 4 year got visa when I come here I realise he is drugie smoke powder now he not interested in me all time smoke. Now I cannt take divorce because my family not support me they say live here now I am single his parents take his sides . They do fraud say boy is ok though he not. Now what I do question is he is getting worse mentally. I cannt go back I cannt marry again now what I do his health is v worse no kids we have. Now I am upset they not allow me to do job etc.

A:

I empathize with your sad situation and pray to Allah to relieve you.

Islam does not force you to bear the abuse your husband and his family are subjecting you. You are free to end this abusive relationship. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘There shall be no harm or reciprocating of harm with harm.” (Ibn Majah)

The scholars have deduced the following rule from the above Prophetic dictum: Where there is abuse, one can resort to legal measures to remove it. So, in your case, you are allowed to resort to legal measures to end this abusive relationship. Once you have done so, you are free to find suitable marriage partners. If you turn to Allah for help, Insha Allah, you will overcome the oppression and find the right marriage partner. Do not despair at the mercy of Allah.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I want to create a game, can i use 3d character like human, animal, dragon which is already in online stores i just have to buy and use those characters on my game I’m not creating the characters.

So my question is

Can i use those characters in my game?

A:

Your question relates to the lawful use of the media. The use of media can be halal or haram, depending on the use and function. For example, if used for promoting virtue and ethical conduct, it is halal; if, on the other hand, it is used for vice, corruption, or promoting ideas or messages harmful to society, they are haram or forbidden.

Islam teaches us that we are accountable for how we use our talents, endowments, and blessings. So, it behooves all of us to ask what kind of a legacy we are leaving behind us. If you were on your deathbed, I would urge you to ask if you would be comfortable with the way you have used your talents. Once you are confident that you have used them to render beneficial services that would promote virtue in society, you can rest assured that your work is acceptable. Then it would be best if you continued; otherwise, you ought to direct your energies in far more beneficial endeavors.

I pray to Allah to show us the truth as truth, help us follow it, and help us see the error as an error and shun it. Amen.

Almighty Allah knows best.

 Q:

What can each of us do to bring peace to this world?

A:

Each one of us has the responsibility to work towards bringing peace to the world. 

They say, ‘charity begins at home. So, we ought to start with ourselves: our home, family, and kith and kin; the spirit of peace and love should then extend to our neighbors and colleagues and fellow citizens and all of humankind.

Here are a few tips to remember:

1. As you wake up, make a habit of counting the blessings of Allah. And pray to Allah to guide you to the ways of peace, truth, and justice, and resolve to devote your energies to achieve them.
2. Start with little acts of kindness every day. Do what you can to alleviate the suffering of fellow human beings. 
3. Contribute regularly towards charities that help the poor and needy in various parts of the world. 
4. When you sit down to eat, think of the millions that cannot afford to enjoy a morsel of food. This thought should force you to cut down food waste and be content with fewer dishes so that you can spare some money to help the starving and needy.
5. Stand for the truth and justice. So wherever you find injustice and oppression, do what you can to change. 
6. Form alliances with those against oppression and genocide and unjust wars, apartheid, and discrimination.
7. Align yourself with those who work for world peace and extend full support to them.
8. Pray to Allah to guide you to the ways of peace and guide others through you and make you an instrument of peace, truth, and justice in the world.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

How can i deal with depressed, tramatized suicidal mother if she doesnt accept help from anyone? (She tried to take her own life multiple times) she also blames us for the attempts. I know she is my mother and she is very important to me but i am getting tired of being rejected all the time. Our mental health is suffering because of this. She always invalidates my (and my familys) feelings and opinion. I just want to do right by my religion because a mother is very important in islam ofcourse.

A:

I empathize with your situation and pray to Allah to help you get help for your mother.

It would help if you treated her with the utmost kindness as she is not well.

Therefore, you should be patient and forgive her tantrums.

You may do well to remember that paradise lies at the feet of the mother.

Having said this, I must also rush to add: Since your condition has to do with her depression, it is not a matter of religious ruling; instead, you need to get professional help to deal with the challenges you are facing.

Therefore, I would advise you to consult the counselors and therapists who appear on this site. You can ask the editor to send you their contacts. I am sure they would be willing to help you with their professional expertise.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Is one sinning for following the easier/more lenient views of scholars with regards to divorce? For example paying expiation for conditional divorce if the intention was to stop one’s wife from doing something, multiple divorce in one seating is counted as one, divorce does not count during menstruation. I read somewhere where some scholars say that if in your heart something makes you feel uneasy then you are sinning. I am very confused & in a hard place in my life because of this thoughts, i am unable to sleep, eat or carry on with my married life as it was. I was given this fatwa’s but i keep feeling like i am living in Zina with my husband cause of the difference in opinions of scholars, could this be waswas from shaytan? What can i do to stop feeling this way?

A:

You can refer to my answer posted above (for a similar question).

However, I would like to add a further note here: In case of doubt on such rulings, you should follow what your conscience is comfortable. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Consult your conscience.” (Ahmad)

 He also said, “Leave what is doubtful in favor of what is not doubtful.” (At- Tirmidhi)

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Sallam Sheikh, am i sinning if i follow the easier/more lenient fatwa’s, such as 3 divorce in 1 seating equals to 1, Conditional divorce counts only with intention, divorce doesn’t count during menstruation. I am unable to sleep or eat cause of the thoughts & confusion of different views of scholars.  I read somewhere where some scholars say if something makes you uneasy then you are sinning, is that true? I am unable to carry on with my married life as it was cause of all these thoughts, could this be waswas?

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

You need not worry over these differences among scholars.

On the contrary, it is good to look at differences among scholars not as a curse but as a sign of divine mercy.

Since we have to consult scholars on issues that are not clear to us, you are allowed to follow the opinions of scholars known for their integrity and knowledge. We are also entitled to choose lenient rulings. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “This religion is easy; whoever makes it hard will be forced to give it up.” (Al-Bukhari)

Aishah, the Prophet’s beloved wife, said, “When left to choose between two options, he would always choose the easier one.” (Al-Bukhari)

So, it would be best if you dismissed such lingering doubts. However, if choosing an option agitates your conscience, you may leave it and follow the one you are comfortable with.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I’m a bad muslim, I want to start over, but my mental health issues are in the way

A summary: I am suffering compulsive thoughts, and lately, I feel like Allah isn’t listening, so I start doubting Islam, and even felt like leaving it a couple times. I want to just start over, but my mental health issues are in the way. (Please at least read the description below once)

Asalamualaikum, I suffer with my mental health and I suffer with my religion as well. I first suffered (and still do, but not as bad, but still is a bit bad) with compulsive thoughts of Al-Riya, I still am, they get in the way of what I do and who I am. And I did sin, lying to my father, missing prayers, disobeying my mother. I will list some of the thoughts in the notes section. I try to ask forgiveness, but I had doubts of Islam because I feel like Allah isn’t listening at all. Like He’s left me astray. Is Allah even real? I ask myself questions like this. I even considered leaving Islam a few times. Well, I’m still here. I can’t just “leave”. I don’t want my family to be upset. To motivate myself, I searched for reasons why Islam was the true religion. The reasons convinced me. I am a bad muslim. Why am I like this? i want to start over, but my mental health issues are in the way. I haven’t spoken to my doctor about it because I am not able to, I still live with my parents, yet they aren’t scheduling a day for me and my doctor to meet. Writing this, maybe overthinking is part of my problem. I overthink little aspects of Islam (though this has improved tremendously, I mainly do this for Al-Riya). I just need the big picture, not overthinking every single little bit of it. And, depression is another part. I get irritated with some of my family members. I don’t want to live anymore. I just want my life to end. But in a way, I want to continue. How can I start over? Maybe another way to get help with my issues?

Jazakallah Khair.

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I empathize with your challenges and pray to Allah to give you relief and peace of mind.

There is no need for us to despair of the mercy of Allah. The door of mercy is wide open for all of us who are sinners.

For details, you may refer to the answer linked below:

The Door of Repentance Is Wide Open

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

I know scholars have different opinions about the level of lowering the gaze but ı want to know if a girl doesnt have the proper hijab a man can look at her without lust.or without the lust involved or not is it haram?

A:

When you come across a member of the opposite sex, you are excused for the first glance. It would help if you did not continue to stare. Allah says: “Say to the believing males to lower their gazes and guard their their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. Tell the believing men to lower their eyes and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed God is Aware of whatsoever they do. And tell the believing women to lower their eyes and to guard their private parts, and to not display their adornment except that which is visible thereof.” (An-Nur 24:30-31)

And the Prophet said, “The first look is yours, but do not continue to stare.” (Abu Dawud)

In other words, when we come face to face with the members of the opposite sex, we cannot avoid the first glance, which is casual and not intentional. So, we are not accountable for it; we will be liable only if we continue to stare lustfully.

In the final analysis, intentions are the deciding factor. As the Prophet said, “Intentions judge actions. Everyone will be rewarded according to their intention.” (Al-Bukhari)

Before closing, I would also like to state: When we set out from home, we should offer the following supplications:

Bismillaahi tawakkalthu ala Allah; laa hawla walaa quwwatha illaa billahi

Allaahumma innee a`oodhu bika an azhilla aw uzhalla aw ajhala aw yujhala alayya

(In the name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah; there is strength to resist evil or power to do good except by the will of Allah.

O Allah, I seek refuge with You from slipping up or causing others to slip up and from acting foolishly, and others treating me foolishly).

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Aaslam o Alaikum,

Please hide the question statement if possible. Because i do not want someone from my family to see this problem online. It my put more fire on my situation. But please answer me as well.

I got married about 2 years ago. Me and my wife agreed upon not to engage in sexual intercourse straight away after marriage. But we had other intimate relation during this time. After a year i tried to talk to her about starting this as well but she refused to do it, she never let me try to do it. After 2 years she started behaving strange, some times start hitting me and push me away when i tried to sit closer to her or try to be intimate with her. Very rarely she let me be intimate with her but only with promise for not doing intercourse with her. Once she sit with me and said to me that she do not like the presence of me around her, me being around her make her upset.

Although i fulfilled all my duties towards her but she says it would not be enough for her. I really got frustrated one day with our situation one day and told my parents about these issues (our fights and not being able to have intercourse yet) and they communicated it to her parents. But situation is now worst, my wife denied everything i said and made it matter of her self-esteem, and don’t want to live with me any more.

But i love her and don’t want to leave her. Besides my intention was to talk to parents to resolve issues not to increase issues. But it ended up so badly that i did not had expected. At this point i do not know what to do. I wanted to ask from your platform about this situation. Is it my mistake to take this sensitive issue to family? As i already tried to talk to my wife to seek some professional help, but she never listened to me and never wanted to talk about it, she was a person who just wanted to be staying far apart from me as much as possible physically.

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I am not a professional counselor; however, from my experience as an Imam in dealing with marital issues within my limited scope, I suspect your wife may have some problems with intimacy. Only a professional can diagnose it and develop practical tips to resolve it.

If, however, she is not willing to seek professional help, you should consider divorce as a last resort. You have the option to leave a sexually deprived marriage.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Asalamuwalaykum, I hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask your opinion on this situation I am currently going through.

Me and a girl have fallen in love with each other and have spoke about marriage and everything seems to be good between us and our future goals align with each other. I asked to speak to her dad directly and give my proposal in the Islamic way. However, her dad refused to speak to me and doesn’t want any part. The girls’ mom and sisters met me and said I was perfect for the girl and were more than happy for things to move forward. They also liked how I am a good person Islamically and how I would like to provide and move in to our own home as soon as we are married. However, the dad started to question my family background to people in the local area and somebody told him my mother has previously suffered from depression and mental health issues. He told her mother about this and although the family really like me they are scared about me also having mental health issues and giving it to the kids in future. The girl was concerned at first but is now standing firm and wants to marry me. However, her dad has threatened that if she is to marry me, He won’t let her back in to the house and will disown anyone who try’s to speak to her after she marries me. This has put her in to a very bad situation as she is now struggling with what to do and although the dad is using threatening tactics, she is afraid of marriage without his blessings and is scared of losing her family after his threats. I have asked if I could speak to the dad but he continuously refuses to do so and it has put us in a very difficult situation. I would really appreciate any advice on this situation.

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

If she is an adult, she has the final say in choosing her marriage partner as long as she has chosen someone compatible in faith and character. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If a person with sound faith and character approaches marry him; otherwise, you are paving the way for corruption in the land.” (At-Tirmidhi)

For further details, you may refer to the answer linked below:

A Guardian Refuses to Marry His Daughter Off: Can She Marry Herself?

 Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Assalamualaykum, when I first started looking into Islam, one of the few things that caught my attention was how well women were treated. I later on found some hadiths and verses from the Quran which seemed unjust and difficult but after some time, I found their explanations which helped me understand and I hope they’re true. My question is that what happens if a wife is upset or sad or mad at her husband or for something else and he wants intimacy?  It could be a small reason like if the wife, for example, is sad or mad at her husband for not buying her something if he can afford it and it’s not haram or harmful for themselves or their families? It would be sinful for her if her intention was to manipulate her husband into getting what she wanted but what if she’s just sad, mad or upset about it? Would she still be obliged to satisfy him regardless of what she’s feeling? Thanks for your answer

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Marriage in Islam is a union based on mutual love and affection. It is not that of a slave-master relationship. Allah says:

“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum 30:21)

Marriage is a solemn contract that we must try to keep according to the best of our ability. However, since it is a partnership based on justice and altruism, it is not fair for either party to insist on getting everything while depriving the other. Such a marriage is not worth keeping; it is akin to slavery. Therefore, my advice is that you ought to see a professional Muslim counselor who should advise you on how to resolve the issues in your marriage amicably on fair terms for both sides.

Therefore, while you can expect your husband to fulfill your needs reasonably, you cannot burden him with unnecessary demands. If you do so, you are being selfish. Without altruism and self-sacrifice, you cannot experience happiness in marriage.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Assalamualaykum. I came across a ruling in a prominent Islamic website which said that according to verse 33 in surah Al-Ahzab, women aren’t allowed to go out of the house except in a case of genuine need. They argue that the verse isn’t specifically for the wives of the Prophet SAW since all women have to follow them and the use of plural ‘houses’ shows that all households should follow this. So I wanted to ask if it’s true that women cannot go out for fun, to meet friends, family or even to go to the park?

A:

Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

I do not know the context of the above ruling you are citing.

Even you have quoted rightly. However, I’m afraid I have to disagree with such a ruling since it is repugnant to reason, common sense, and the sound understanding of Islam.

One of the self-evident principles of the Quran is that men and women are equal in spiritual status, and they are partners to work together to create a virtuous society. That is why from the early years of Islam, men and women struggled shoulder to shoulder. They did not simply hide in the interior sanctum of their houses; instead, they were at the forefront of the Prophet’s struggle. The first martyr in Islam was a woman, and they also used to migrate and travel whenever they chose to do so.

The verse mentioned above does not restrict woman’s freedom of movement. It is intended to teach them to shun the permissive lifestyle of the pagan times where women used to flaunt their charms for all to see,

Otherwise, how could we reconcile it with the historical facts?

We learn from the practice of the wives of the Prophet that they would travel for Umrah and other needs, and they were also on the battlefield.

There is a six-volume work by Abu Shuqqa which documents the fact that women during the time of the Prophet were active in all aspects of Muslim social life.

We also learn that Aishah, the beloved wife of the Prophet, used to take with her to Umrah even those who were in Iddah; when asked about it, she replied, Iddah is an attitude. Also, when someone asked her, does a woman always need a mahram to travel? She replied, ‘Can every woman find a mahram?’

In other words, according to Aisah, a woman is allowed to travel if she needs to as long as she feels safe.

Before concluding, I would also point out that the above fatwa is the opinion of one of the scholars; I am sure there are others who would not support such a literal interpretation.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

Which one is better a muslim women pray at home or in the masjid? I heard some narrations for it is better in their home but ı also heard a lot of narrations about the first generation of  muslim women praying in the masjid, if prophet said house is better how can we understand this this topic?

A:

We cannot pick a single tradition out of context and state that women should not come to the mosque; instead, they should pray at home.

It is contrary to sound evidence in the texts and the practice of women during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

It is a well-known fact that women attended prayers, including that of Friday at the Prophet’s Mosque during his time. Many of them were so consistent in attending prayers at the mosque that they memorized entire surahs of the Qur’an from the Prophet’s mouth as he was in the habit of reciting them during sermons and prayer.

The practice of women attending the prayers continues today in the Prophet’s Mosque; the same has been the consistent practice in the Sacred Mosque in Makkah. That can be vouched by anyone going for Hajj or Umrah, for it is a common sight of women praying all over the Haram sanctuary in Makkah just as men do.

Furthermore, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also clearly forbade men from banning women from mosques. He said, “Don’t stop the maidservants of Allah (that is, women) from coming to mosques of Allah.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Having said this, I must rush to add that women in Islam are not obligated to pray at the mosque if they are burdened by their duties of nurturing and caring for their little ones. Women are thus absolved of this obligation solely because of the compassion of Islam.

This exception, however, must never be used by men against women to prevent them from coming to mosques, especially if they are not in the above situation.

Based on these, women may choose to come to the mosque to pray and participate in mosque-related activities.

Finally, I would also make an important point: It is wrong to tell women who are in the habit of going to shopping malls and hanging around there that they are better off if they pray at home instead of going to the mosque. Only Satan would be pleased with such rulings as it would only hasten the decline of Islam and Islamic values.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

What is the right way to pray Salah? Which fiqh is considered the most authentic?

A:

You may follow any of the four schools. However, whichever school you choose to follow, you should learn it from a knowledgeable scholar who is qualified to teach it.

The eminent scholars have ruled that prayer according to any four schools is valid. Therefore, any Muslim who follows one madhhab should not hesitate to pray behind another Muslim who may choose to follow another school.

All of the four schools agree on the primary form of Salah; their differences are related to details or what is referred to in fiqh as fur` and not usul (fundamentals). Scholars like Ibn Taymiyyah, Shah Waliullah, and others have examined the causes of the differences. They concluded that such differences could be traced back to the companions themselves. The companions differed among themselves, yet they never condemned each other; instead, they prayed. They have taught us that such differences must never cause sectarian divisions.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Q:

If guy died unmarried in this world, can guy marry girl from worldly instead of hours  in jannah?

A:

Jannah is where all of our desires materialize. So, your dream of being united with your beloved in this world can materialize.

However, I need to rush to add the following: Heaven and Hell belong to a realm that lies beyond our human cognition and reasoning; therefore, we ought to accept what is given to us to know in the revealed sources while referring the details to Allah, who alone is All-Knowing.

I would also advise you to focus on working hard to get to Jannah. We can hope to get there only through faith, good works, and seeking the mercy and grace of Allah.

I pray to Allah to endear the works that would bring us closer to Jannah and keep us away from those that would bring us closer to Hell. Amen.

Almighty Allah knows best.