Answer
Short Answer:
- If your family doesn’t want to get together with you, that’s fine. Value their opinion and find other ways. Call up your friends for dinner at your place. Go shopping. Do something that makes you feel good.
- After a few days, when the Christmas celebration calms down; connect back to your parents and relatives. You can get together and plan a new year’s dinner with the family and go all nine yards out. You have many chances to try and find a balance where it works out for everyone.
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Walaikumassalam warahmatullah wabarakatahu. Thank you for approaching us with your concern.
Holidays are beautiful times spent with family and friends. All relatives take off from work and make an effort to catch up with one another. This can be a very joyful gathering for some. On the other hand, it can also be a very desolate occasion as well.
A Believer’s Attitude
A Muslim must be respectful of others around him/her. Regardless of what the other person is doing one should always respond with a better attitude. As we learn from our beloved Prophet.
The Prophet Muhammad was surrounded by people who did not only hate Islam but also tried to harm him. His own uncle conspired against him. The community that used to shower him with praises hurled him with rocks!
The Prophet Muhammad dealt with all adversities. From losing a loved one to being alienated from society. His key to success was patience and Dua. He was patient in regards to the hypocrites who slandered his family.
He made dua to Allah that Allah guides the cruelest tyrant of his time Abu Jahl. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad was persistent and merciful.
Allah says in Surah Al-Anbiya,
“And We have sent you (O Muhammad) not but as a mercy for the ‘Alameen (mankind, jinns and all that exists)” (Quran 21:107)
Family Ties
Islam takes family relations quite seriously. The reason being is that it brings harmony to society. Being Muslim many people have rights upon you. The greatest right on you is of those who are your kith and kin.
In a long hadith Qudsi, the importance of upholding ties of kinship has been stressed. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
“The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Allah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (al-rahm) stood up and said, “This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” It said, “Of course.” Allah said, “Then your prayer is granted.”
Also in Prophet Muhammad’s life, we see the example of how he dealt with his uncle- Abu Talib. He sincerely yearned for his uncle to take the shahada. He didn’t disconnect himself from his uncle, due to the fact that he refused to follow him.
Even at his uncle’s deathbed, he kept urging, but to his dismay Abu Talib refused. The Prophet kept praying for Abu Talib until Allah revealed to him that it won’t be of any benefit.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
All praise to Allah who has guided you to the truth. Of course, you want the same for your family and friends as well. However show your Islam through your actions, keep calling them. Send a nice text message once in a while. Try and help them when you can. It’s the small gestures that count.
You have to respect your mom’s wish. If she says not to come then respect her decision. Don’t make it into a confrontation. This will be tough on you, but your mom will appreciate it. Also, don’t back off, keep in touch with her through this time. Send her pictures of the kids. You never know she may change her mind.
You can also send text messages to other relatives. Let them know that you miss them. Show them care and affection. Inform them that you will be glad to meet them when possible.
I Miss My Family This Time of Year
If your family still doesn’t want to get together with you at Christmas, that’s fine. Value their opinion and find other ways. Call up your friends for dinner at your place. Go shopping. Do something that makes you feel good.
After a few days, when the Christmas celebration calms down; connect back to your parents and relatives. You can get together and plan a new year’s dinner with the family and go all nine yards out. You have many chances to try and find a balance where it works out for everyone.
Allah says,
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience” (Quran 31:14-15).
And Allah knows best.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
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