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Ask about Parenting (Counseling Session)

Aisha Mohammad
07 June, 2018

Salamu ‘alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Aisha for answering the questions.

The answers will be published very soon.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

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[email protected]

Monday, Jun. 11, 2018 | 08:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

As-salamualikumHope you guys are doing well by the grace of Allah.

I’m married and have two daughters aged 9 and 11. Last year got pregnant and is due in this month. It wasn’t really planned and I feel like I’m still not ready to have this child. I was hoping for another child but not really!

I know Allah gives life and death but I can’t convince myself that it was already Allah’s plan to give me this child. I want to know that having children, is it only choice how much a couple will have and at what time? Sometimes I get mad at myself that if I had taken full precautions then maybe it wouldn’t have happened!

Jazakllahukhairan



As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Thank you for writing to our live session. As I understand, you are married and have two daughters, ages 9 and 11. You are pregnant with another child (congratulations). You stated, however, that you feel like you are not ready to have a child yet. While you did not mention why you were not ready, I can imagine that yes, it will be a big change in your life after the birth of your youngest 9 years ago.

 

Sister, I kindly suggest making a list of the reasons why you want to have a child (whether now or later) and a list of reasons as to why you do not want to have a child now. Insha’Allah, for the reasons why you would not want to have a child now, please describe underneath these reasons, and think of possible solutions. Insha’Allah, search deeply within your heart.

 

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It could be that after waiting 9 years you may be a little bit scared. That is okay! You are not alone sister. Many feel the same way when an unexpected pregnancy happens. You may feel you are not ready; there may have been career or job plans, there may be a financial or relationship issue going on. We never know what is going to happen, sister, when we get pregnant. Even if a pregnancy is planned and we feel it is the perfect timing-things can change quickly.

 

Insha’ Allah you have a supportive husband and family. Sister, I have the feeling that once the baby is born (as the baby is due this month) you will be very happy and fall in love when you see the baby’s sweet face and hold the baby close to you. Insha’Allah, any regrets or any fears that you may have will fall away. Allah is the best of planners.

 

It could be that if you did not get pregnant when you did, you may not be able to have another child. Perhaps this was a time that Allah decided to give you this child as you did want three. Allah Knows Best.

 

Sister, if you are experiencing any depression now or after your child’s birth, please do seek help from your doctor for a referral to a counselor. You may have a depression that could develop into postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can be a serious disorder if not treated. I only mention this because you are having hesitations about this birth now, and I want to let you know that there is help available should you still feel this way once your child is born.

 

Trust in Allah’s timing sister, Allah knows best. We wish you the best you’re in our prayers.

Alsalaam Alikoum,I have two boys 16 and 13 years old. I am raising alone for the past 7 years. We have no man in our life and now I am coming to realize that I am unable to really give the support they need and I am scared! My older one is an angel and ahead in his studies, and try to practice his Deen. My little one on the other hand; very nervous and gets very angry with me whenever he doesn’t get his way. He is more about his friends, video cams and always on his phone. I want to change our lifestyle and be more involved in their lives but sometimes I come home exhausted from work! Keep in mind that I am the provider for the house as well. Please guide on how to make them the best of the ummah and how to build an environment at home where it feels like a family.

Note: their father picks up my little one from school and drops him off. He is an angry man, so I really don’t ask him for help or anything because he needs to help himself. I am always speaking positivity about him even when the kids complain about him.



As salam alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. I understand that you have two boys ages 16 and 13 who you are raising alone. You do work full time and do your best to keep the home as well as keep your boys on point. You stated that their father is not really involved in their the boys lives, that he has issues of his own. Sister, you are doing the best that you can to create a home-like environment for your family and support them at the same time. This is no easy task! While your older child is doing very well, you are worried about the younger one who is having anger issues.

 

I will kindly suggest sister that you get the boys involved in Islamic activities at the Masjid. A lot of Masjid’s do have groups for boys. They meet once or twice a week and discuss “teen life” in an Islamic context. This may insha’Allah give them great insights (especially your younger one) as well as encourage them make Muslim friendships that will last a lifetime. You may also seek to take them to Islamic events in the community. As Eid is coming up, that is one of our holiday’s that is very special for us as Muslims.

 

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It is a joyful time. There are other events that go on in communities such as ice skating, going to the park, sports, movie nights, hiking etc. This will help shape your boys’ ideals regarding creating a family conducive home-life based upon Islamic principles.

 

I would also consider insha’Allah finding a Muslim male Mentor for your youngest son. It can make all the difference in the world. There are Islamic counseling centers wherein they do pair up a male with a boy, and a female with a girl when there is a need such as a single parent home wherein the child needs some extra assistance. As we are one community/family, it can be a great help insha’Allah.

 

If your younger son continues with his angry outbursts I will kindly suggest sister that insha’Allah that you do get him into counseling. He may be dealing with some issues related to the absence of his father or he may be getting bullied at school or something else that you are not aware of that is causing this behavior. All children go through different emotions at this age sister. Some handle it well (like your older son) and some experience difficulties such as your younger son. I would kindly suggest addressing it now that he is younger, rather than waiting for it to possibly get worse as he gets older.

 

I’d also kindly suggest that you as well, try to get involved with the sisters at the Masjid and do some fun social activities with them. I know you are very tired when you get home from work, it’s hard. However, if you also need to have “self” time-which is taking care of you too.

 

Sister, you are doing a wonderful job. You are a single mom raising two boys and working full-time. The above suggestions are conducive to the growth of both boys and as the family as a whole. This, in turn, will insha’Allah, help create a warm, loving Islamic home. I know this is not a not easy road, may Allah bless you for all of your sacrifice and hard work.

 

Insha’Allah both of your boys will turn out to be very fine young Muslim men. May Allah swt make it easy on your sister, you are in our prayers.

 

I hope you will help me in addressing a matter with my 12-year-old son. Here is the situation; I have found some online chats and pictures that were exchanged with male adults and my son was pretending to be a girl. My husband and I talked to him about it and he told us one of his friends dared him to this. We took away his iPad for a while and gave it back to him after he promised it won’t happen again. Couple of months later. I discovered on Snapchat that he posted he is bisexual. I found out some chats between him and his friends- mainly him telling them he is bisexual and he likes this one boy from his class and he sent a message to him to be his boyfriend.

Again he is saying it was dared by his friend. He told us he is bisexual. My husband sat him down and clearly explained to him that this is not allowed or acceptable in Islam. His Snapchat has been deleted. I found him following something similar on Pinterest, which also has been deleted. I believe my son is lying about his friend daring him to ask this boy to be his boyfriend. He admitted to me that when he was caught the first time. He was just curious and he told us a lie about his friend daring him.

He has always been friends with girls all his life and is soft-hearted, and a bit feminine. He has a younger sister that he plays with all the time. Most recently I have seen an email sent to a make up artist inquiring about make up and he said in his email, “I may be a boy, but I love makeup” I saw him watching a video of some YouTube celebrity that is guy and he was giving a tour of his apartment and had make up on.

He goes to masjid, gets online Quran lessons. Please help me on how to handle this matter with my son.



As salamu alaykum,

 

Thank you for writing into our live session. I understand that you’re having issues with your 12-year-old son. You have found some online chats and pictures of exchange with male adults wherein your son was pretending to be a girl. You stated that your husband and you talked to him about this and he stated his friends dared him to do this.

You also discovered a couple months later on Snapchat that he posted he’s bisexual.  You also found evidence of his liking a male classmate.

Sister, while your son may have feelings of bisexuality, he may be afraid to tell you, thus his saying that it is his friend who dared him, or making up other excuses to avoid how he’s truly feeling.

 

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I will kindly suggest you sit down with him when things are calm. Maybe take him out to lunch or for a walk in the park or somewhere else quiet and undisturbed.  Insha’Allah, discuss with him how much you love him, how proud you are of him and maybe share an experience or two about your life when you were his age.

 

Perhaps it’s best that his father does this so he can relate to him as a man. Once you (or your husband) can gain his trust through communication, insha’Allah he will discuss with what he is going through his mind, how he feels, and what direction he feels his desires are going and why.

 

While you stated he’s always been friends with girls all his life and is soft-hearted and a bit feminine, this in itself is not a cause for alarm. You do not know if he is bisexual or not.  The point right now is to gain his trust so that he will communicate with you how he is truly feeling. What is cause for alarm, however, is his secretiveness, his covering up, and his lying.

 

We live in a society of an online life. Anything you want to know about is online. Unfortunately, some children get caught up in things that are publicly displayed and get curious.

 

Insha’Allah, your son must be made aware that what he is doing.  It is a dangerous situation. It is dangerous because he could get hooked up on the internet with someone who may hurt him, he is only a child. Please do insha’Allah, try to open up communication with him concerning this topic. To be effective, this would mean not accusing him of anything nor talking to him about how haram bisexuality is at this point.

 

It would mean putting all that aside for now to ensure his safety.  Insha’Allah, help him feel comfortable as well as receptive to what you are saying.  Insha’Allah, if he does at this point, you can guide him in regards to matters of Online safety. This is critical as most of his activities to date are on line. You may also want to supervise, limit or eliminate his time online. I know this is hard with teens, but inshaAllah it is to his benefit and safety.

 

You can later talk to him about Islamic values concerning bisexuality. Right now the big red flag is his age, his immaturity and his willingness to just trust anybody online.He is an easy target for pedophiles. By keeping communication open with your son, you will insha’Allah be able to have a great effect on his current and future decisions and feelings regarding his sexual identity.

 

Given his age, it could be a passing phase or curiosity or it could not. You will not know until you speak with him.   Using a nonjudgmental approach may Insha’Allah, pave the way for an open and honest dialogue. He may at that point, be receptive to your Islamic guidance and advice’s regarding his feelings and choices.

 

We wish you the best you’re in our prayers

My elder brother has been giving my family problems since he was in the 6th grade. He has a very low self-esteem due to years of bullying and torment and suffers from depression and social-anxiety, he also can be triggered at literally anything and will be like a rabid dog when he gets angry. There’s no limit in controlling him, he curses, and it’s like he’s literally possessed when he’s angry. If this was not bad enough, he recently told me that he sometimes feels attracted to men and I asked him on a deeper note if it’s sexual feeling such as would you have sex with them and he said no, he likes women’s bodies and finds a man’s body to be repulsive but he still sometimes gets attracted to them.

I check his search history, most of it was random women and then I came across him searching a gay YouTuber on YouTube as well as watching a gay movie. I have lost all hope for him and it’s like he’s getting worse and worse, he does not like to sit down with the family at all and has a vendetta against my other older brother who has done absolutely done nothing to him. He also didn’t fast at all this Ramadan even tho he used to all the time.



He’s selfish and doesn’t see the pain he’s causing us especially my poor mother. We’ve taken him to therapy and youth groups and tried to get him involved with the community but nothing seems to work. I’m scared and so worried about what he might become in the future. What do I do? I feel so hopeless ya Allah



As-salam alaykum sister,

 

I understand that your oldest brother’s been giving your family’s problems since he was in the 6th grade. He was bullied and tormented as a child and suffers from depression and social anxiety. He also has anger issues which are uncontrollable. He recently told you that he sometimes feels attracted to men. When you questioned him, he stated he likes women but is often attracted to men.

 

You did search his YouTube history and found most women but you did come across a search for a gay YouTuber.  In addition, you said he didn’t fast for Ramadan and he used to all the time.

Sister what your brother may be suffering from in addition to depression and anxiety is post-traumatic stress disorder. This is common in children/adults who have been bullied, tormented and/or abused.  His anger management skills are very poor.  This may be due to holding everything in for the years he was being bullied and tormented.  Now he is older and the fear and rage he’s been holding inside may be coming out.

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As he has been to therapy and youth groups, and nothing has helped so far I highly encourage you to seek a therapist in your area who specializes in children who have been bullied. I am not sure to what extent his previous therapy lasted or if it addressed all of his issues, but it is imperative to get him engaged in therapy again. While you didn’t say how old he is now, it is apparent that his past traumatic experiences have altered who he truly is to a point where he is a danger to himself and possibly others with his angry outbursts.

 

I would also kindly suggest that you seek counseling for the family as a whole if possible, to help you deal with your brother and his behaviors. While he is the one that is truly suffering, the family is suffering as well.

 

It is my feeling sister that he did not intend to stray away from the dean. He is suffering with mental health issues that need to be addressed as soon as possible so he can overcome the trauma, heal and go on to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Often times when people have been traumatized or they have a mental illness it does affect their relationship in regards to practicing Islam.

 

People who been traumatized often cannot grasp the comfort and the healing that is in prayer, submission to Allah, and our Islamic way of life. They feel so hopeless and trapped inside of their pain that the only way they can release it is by acting out in rage.

 

As stated please do look for a specialized therapist who can help your brother insha’Allah. Please do keep him in your duaa’s, ask Allah to grant ease and mercy; and to guide you in your search for a qualified therapist.  You are in our prayers, w wish you the best.

As-salamu `alikum, I and my husband were married for 9 years. He was not settled and my father and brother helped us for years financially and even we stayed at my brothers place for long time It was an arranged marriage and was never a happy marriage from the beginning. As soon as we got married, within few days I came to know about his aggressive nature and anger. For small issues also he used to get angry and not talk to me unless I say sorry and cry in front of him. He never trusted me from day 1 and always checked my phones and he and his mother were very strict with me.

And he even didn't want me to talk on phone for more than few minutes to my sister, mother, and brothers and whenever they used to come always had an argument with me the other day that I used to cry the whole day and said I care for my mothers and sister and not him. And always wants me to appreciate him and praise him daily. He always had a doubt on me and even if a man saw me when I'm outside only my face he used to get mad. I was so frustrated that I wanted to end my marriage after few months but my parents didn't agree and sent me back to him. Then I got pregnant had 1 and then 2nd son and then I thought this is what Allah wanted my life and adjusted but as years passed by my husband became more aggressive and his doubt for me only increased passing by.

And then one day when he got a good job and was financially stable, he said my parent and brothers no one should visit me and he started saying to me to leave the home and his children daily. I didn't want to leave the home because of children. But he kept on threatening me daily. I was so stressed that I started getting pain in that my chest. My parents got so scared that they came and brought him to my brothers home. And I asked for khula and my husband happily accepted and wants to get married as soon as possible and next month he started looking for proposals and now hired a lawyer for divorce but now my husband wants me to have the custody of children and wants to get married.

And my parents have also left for their country. I'm alone and temporary staying at my brothers home and started studies and have no support and no job as my husband never allowed me to go out of the home. I do not even have the confidence to work and take care of my kids alone. My parents suggested me that he should take the responsibility of kids and custody too as he was the one who was saying to leave the home and kids.

I feel guilty that I left my kids. Though I talk to them on phone video chat and they are with my husband's parents and are happy. I want to keep them but I cant as I don't have a home, job anything. I myself is a burden to my brother. If I give my husband the custody for kids will I be guilty in the eyes of Allah Subhanutallah. I can't sleep in the nights, this bothers me so much. I love my kid so much but can't keep them with me. I'm helpless. My elder son is 7 and younger is 5. Please advice me so that I have peace in my heart and mind.



As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. As I understand, your husband and you have been married for 9 years.   As he was not settled financially, your dad and your brother helped you both and you even stayed at your brother’s place for a while.

 

This was an arranged marriage and you stated it was never a happy marriage from the beginning. Your husband was always very aggressive and angry. He used to get angry about small issues and not talk to you until you would say you were sorry or cried in front of him. He never trusted you. Further, you were not allowed to talk on the phone for more than a few minutes to your family and he was jealous whenever they came over.

 

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Sister this sounds like the traits of a very abusive man. What you described in your question are hallmark features of abuse. He was abusing you mentally and emotionally. As you got pregnant and had two children you now had other lives to think about.

 

Sister you tried to do the right thing and make the marriage work but it became too much.  Alhumdulilah, you are now at your brothers home.  As your parents have left the country to go home, you feel very much alone. You are in the process of divorce and your children are with their grandparents. I can imagine the turmoil you must feel sister. You have not only gone through an abusive relationship but now you are without your children and do not have a clue on how to proceed with your life.

 

You do talk to your children and chat with online them but you miss them very much. You also feel like you’re a burden and you fear being alone because you don’t have the confidence to work and take care of your children alone. Sister, it sounds like you are going through a lot of anxiety and stress.

 

I will kindly suggest that you seek out a counselor in your area for regular counseling. As you have been through an abusive situation it has no doubt left emotional scars on you which needs to heal. I am confident that you are a very capable young lady.  Insha’Allah, you will secure a job which is enjoyable and beneficial.  You will be an excellent mother to your children. It will take time to sort things out sister, but I know you can.

 

I kindly suggest that you also see an employment or career specialist to find out what your interests are so you can get the training for a job that you may enjoy. I’d also kindly suggest that you go to the Masjid as much as possible to pray, make friends with the sister’s there, and go out from time to time for social outings. Having balance in our lives is necessary and it is a good thing especially when one is under stress and feeling lost.

 

At the same time you are getting your life together, I would suggest that insha’Allah you create an agreement between you and the grandparents in regards to how long they will have the children. You may or may not want to secure a lawyer (they do have free ones for people who are low-income).   A lawyer can help you in regards to child custody as well as your rights to alimony and child support.

 

During this time insha’Allah, do get counseling, seek out the services of an employment-career training center.  Maintain or build relationships with your sisters at the Masjid and know that this situation and feelings will not last forever. There are many, many successful single moms out there who started off just like you-alone, scared, with little skills.  They made it, and so will you!  We wish you the best.

 

As-salam `alaikum, My question is: When we were still young our dad used to severely beat our mother and they divorced n then we grew up with our mother providing all needs by Allah's leave and now our dad is coming back but we are annoyed with him about what he did. What should we do cause even now I don't want to talk to him or even smile at him? What should I do according to Islam? Thank you.



 As salamu alaykum brother,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. I am sorry to hear about the horrendous situation where your dad severely beat your mom. Alhamdulilah they divorced and she got to a safe place.  May Allah swt reward her brother, for taking such good care of her children, after all, she went through.  Abuse can take such an emotional toll on a woman-your mom is strong.  May Allah swt also bless you and your siblings for being so loving, protective and supportive of your mom.

 

Now that you are grown up, your dad is coming back. I can imagine dear brother that you were shocked, hurt and angry upon hearing this.  Who wouldn’t be?  It is a natural response after all he did to her.  It is also a natural response as you watched her striving alone to provide for you and your siblings all these years.  Now here he comes…

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Naturally, you and your siblings are still annoyed with him about what he did and rightfully so. While you didn’t specify why he’s coming back or if your mother has been talking to him throughout the years that is between them.

 

At this point brother, there is nothing you can do about it as it will be your mom’s decision if she takes him back. Insha’Allah, your father has changed. Insha’Allah he is not a violent man anymore and he is following the path of Islam. Insha’Allah he can come back, make amends and bring something “to the table” to bring ease for your mother.

 

I will kindly suggest you talk to your mother about the situation to ensure that she is getting back with him because he will be a benefit to her and to her deen. It could be that maybe now that she is older, she may fear growing old alone and that is why she is letting your father come back.  It could also be that he has shown her that indeed he has changed and they are trying to “start over”.

 

Please do kindly speak to her about the situation, express your feelings and concerns in a respectful way.   Perhaps she can ease your mind with new knowledge. While it cannot erase the memories of what your father did, nor make up for all the years she suffered alone-it may give you some insight as to why she has made this decision.

Brother the best thing I can advise you is just be there for your mom. Try to accept whatever decision she makes and continue to show support and love. While you definitely have issues with your dad for good reason, it may be that this is by Allah’s will that they are back together if he has changed. Should they get back together, insha’Allah brother try to be respectful? You do not have to try to have a relationship with him, but do show respect.

 

As we know Allah is most merciful and forgives. However, it is harder for us as humans to do so. It’s especially hard to forgive somebody who hurt our mothers, and it is devastating when the person who hurts our mothers is our dad. It I an emotionally charged situation.

 

Please do make duaa to Allah and ask him to relieve this pain, anger and hurt from your heart if He so deems it. I know this is hard. Pray to Allah to make this transition easy on both you your siblings. You are in our prayers we wish you the best.

Assalamualaikum. I'm in a long-distance marriage. I got married a year and half ago. My husband lives in the USA & I live in U.A.E. Before marriage we didn't know each other very well. We just met & within a month everything happened. It was arranged marriage,of course. It was both our families' decision. Not much of ours. I have no regrets regarding the marriage because I love my husband very much & I'm ready to do anything for him. But my husband seems to have regrets. He wanted to marry a few years later but his family forced him to do it now. Now he keeps saying that he shouldn't have married now & he regrets it. I feel bad each time he says that. I feel like he regrets marrying specifically me.

If it was some other girl, maybe he wouldn't have regretted so much. I tried explaining to him that I grew up in a different manner. My parents are very strict. I never had any freedom in my life. I was never allowed to hang out with my friends. Maybe that's why I'm not smart and mature like other girls. He wants someone who is very mature like him & understands him. I try to understand him. But I feel the problem is,we spent only 17days together after marriage. After that he left for US & I haven't seen him for the past 1 & half years. I don't know how I'm supposed to understand him. He can't come because he's very busy there, with all his work and family.

A few days back he got angry at me. He gets angry for small things,& I'm very reckless with what I say. I say whatever comes to my head.I've always been like this. My family and friends know this about me very well. When I told him this, he told me not to talk to him like that, because he's very sensitive. I sort of stopped talking to him since then, because I'm scared when I'll say what & he'll get pissed.

Few days when he got angry at me, we were talking about random stuff. In between he started talking about he never had a girlfriend and how good he was before marriage,just because he wanted to give his love to the girl he marriage. After marriage he told me to stop talking to all my guy friends. I did. I blocked all of them on Facebook,because he didn't want me to talk to them. Now the day he got angry at me, I told him that another guy friend, with whom I wasn't friends before, on Facebook, had sent me a friend request. I didn't accept it because he didn't want me to talk to them. Isn't that a sacrifice? Not talking to my childhood friends for my husband's happiness? I also told him that I've been waiting for him all this time,with patience. Not once did I force him to come and see me. Isn't this sacrifice? Yesterday I texted him with sweet words. I wrote around 5-6 sentences.

To make him happy. But he didn't say anything. Just replied with a smile.Later when I asked him y he didn't say anything,he told me that he had nothing to say. I said so much & he couldn't even say a word. I felt so bad. Now whenever I call him,he says he's busy or he says that I'm disturbing him or he gets irritated. And I'm so weak. I can't stay without calling him or talking to him. But still I'm trying to be patient. After a week,Eid is coming up.I don't want our Eid to go like this.I want a way to make everything ok before Eid. Each time we have problems like this,I feel like it's going to end in divorce. Alhamdulillah each time Allah helps us.I don't know what's going to happen this time. What do I do? Please help me.



As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Thank you for writing into our live session. You stated that you got married 1.5 years ago. Your husband lives in the United States and you live in the UAE. This was also an arranged marriage and it was not much of you or your husband’s decision according to you. While you have no regrets, you stated that your husband does. He apparently wanted to marry a few years later but you stated his family forced him to do it now.

 

As you were raised in a strict manner and weren’t allowed to hang out, you feel that you are not mean you’re not smart or mature as your husband wishes you to be.   Sister, please do realize that by not focusing on an intense social life,  you had more time for your studies and for things that would prepare you better for your future. Your husband according to you, wants someone who’s very mature like him and who understands him. But as you pointed out the problem, you don’t live together.  He lives in the US and you live in the UAE.

 

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Often times couples do live apart when they’re married.  It is not really a good practice, especially a new marriage.  It is very important for the husband and wife to get to know one another, bond and spend time doing things together as a couple. This creates love and affection between a husband and wife. You stated your husband is getting angry with you, and you get short with him and say things that you shouldn’t. This may or may not be due to the lack of bonding time and the distance apart.  It is stressful and depressing when you must live away from the one you love.

 

Sister, I will kindly suggest insha’Allah discussing with him the things that you would like to see changed in the marriage. This may also mean sister that you also have to work on some of the things you fall short on too.  You may want to make a list and be sure to include the good points of the marriage, as well as things that you feel will help make it stronger. Insha’allah, he will be receptive to trying to save the marriage.  Perhaps it can be looked upon as an Eid gift to each other. If he does not want to talk right now, write him a letter and follow up with a call.

 

In regards to him feeling like he regrets marrying you, I don’t think it is your sister, I think it’s just that he was forced into a marriage at a time when he didn’t want to marry.  He may feel anger and resentment over that. It may be directed at you more so but I am willing to bet he is upset with his parents.  In regards to you sacrificing not talking to guy friends from childhood and not accepting guy friends on Facebook, those really aren’t sacrifices sister, those are things you should just be doing anyhow.

 

As Eid is coming up, I do kindly suggest that you try to schedule a time to speak with him inshallah.  Explain that you would like to start over by both of you being more kind and communicative to one another as  Eid gift. I would kindly suggest that the two of you begin to discuss when it will be possible to live together and make plans for this. This really is a critical part of marriage.  This may be part of the tension between the two of you. Insha’Allah it gets resolved soon.  Make duaa to Allah sister, asking Allah to bless your marriage and make it possible that you live together as husband and wife.

 

We wish you the best.