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Having Wet Dreams, but Unable to Marry

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Dec 11, 2018

Question

Salam Alaykum. I have noticed that almost every morning when I wake up, my boxer is full of sperm. I am scared because this has become too frequent lately. I am still an undergraduate, and I am not ready for marriage yet. Please kindly help me out what can I do?

Counselor

Answer


Having Wet Dreams, but Unable to Marry

In this counseling answer:

• I urge you to pray on the matter of marriage and make istikharah regarding a possible way to get married and still complete your studies.

• During the day at school, remember to lower your gaze. Engage in things that will divert your mind from sex.

• Please, remember brother that this is a natural process.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum Brother,

There is nothing to be afraid of; it is a common experience in young men. I appreciate that you feel that at this time in your life you are not ready to take on a wife and all the responsibilities that go with it. However, I urge you to pray on the matter of marriage and make istikharah regarding a possible way to get married and still complete your studies.

There are, in fact, many young couples who are married while in school. Ultimately, brother, you know your own situation, but I do urge you to bring it to Allah (swt) for further guidance as marriage is a safeguard. Islamqa states “Allah (swt) has created desire in man, and He has commanded His slaves to use this energy in the proper manner, which is marriage for those who can afford it, in order to attain worldly interests such as building families, strengthening society and populating the earth according to the laws of Allah (swt). Moreover, one of the ways which Allah (swt) has created in His slaves as an outlet for this energy is wet dreams. It is a means of expending sexual energy for both sexes. A person plays no role in that, rather it happens as a result of human nature and a person will not be held to blame for that.”

Now, to address your original question: as stated earlier, this is a normal occurrence. However, in sha’ Allah you may be able to reduce the frequency by limiting your exposure during the day. If you have them too often, it could be because of the kinds of stimuli that you are exposed to in your daily routine. For example, if you are looking at sexually explicit material on television, in movies, or on the internet, then those thoughts are bound to remain with you when you sleep.”

Also, during the day at school, remember to lower your gaze. Engage in things that will divert your mind from sex. If you begin thinking about sex, consciously make an effort to engage in an activity like writing a paper, or taking a walk, or some other social or academic task that will help diminish your thoughts. Showers and fasting are also recommended as are increased prayers and du’aa’s to Allah (swt) to decrease the frequency.


Check out this counseling video:


Please, remember brother that this is a natural process. Just remember that when it does happen, make Ghusl (ritual bath) before Fajr prayer. You may be able to diminish the frequency, but ultimately it is your body telling you that it is time to think of marriage.

I hope this has helped, in sha’ Allah. Please write to us if you need further advice; perhaps the Islamic Scholar section could offer some more practical advice. You are in our prayers.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

What to Do with Excessive Wet Dreams?

Am I Liable to Punishment for a Wet Dream?

Wet Dreams: Am I Jinn Possessed?

 




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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