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My Sister Married a Christian Man: What to Do?

14 September, 2016
Q My elder sister has been married to a white Christian man , has two children , one is almost 20 years now, which means her marriage to him is so long . She is way older than me. I love her; she is so nice. she played a big role in my life including paying my education and taking me to Europe from Africa. Our mother died when I was a baby and this sister that time was 13 years old, I have other sisters and brothers older than me from the same mother too. Our family never accepted her marriage to a Christian man since she was born and raised us a Muslim. To her it seems okay, also never practices Islam anymore and doesn't seem to associate to Christianity; she lives in the west. Our family have never been happy about this including me. She rarely visit home but I always visited her; her elder daughter is already dating men. Basically my sister is in the wrong relationship, where she lives there are no Muslims in that area. Her kids and husband don't know about Islam. We always prayed for her. My father who passed away 10 years ago, liked her since she was helpful to him, and used to pray for her. My question is how can we help return her life back to a practicing Muslimah.

Answer

Dr. Mohsen Haredy
14 September, 2016

Salam Dear Habsa,

Thank you for your question. We highly appreciate your concern about your sister.

We also appreciate your acknowledgement of the role she played in your life in terms of taking care of your and helping you with your education.

Let’s agree that you sister had taken the wrong decision when she married that Christian man. Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslims. Christians and Jews are not an exception. This is what God (Allah) has decreed and we have to abide by it.

We read in the Quran what means:

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{…and do not marry (your girls) to idolaters until they believe…} (Al-Baqarah 2:221)

We also read concerning the immigrant Muslim women:

{Then if you know them to be Believers, do not send them back to the unbelievers. They are not lawful for them (as wives), nor are they lawful for them (as husbands).} (Al-Mumtahanah 60:10)

Your sister has to end this relation with the Christian man at once. She is not allowed to live with him anymore.

The children of your sister are considered Muslims as the children follow the best religion of the parent’s different religions. In this case, Islam is the religion of the children not the religion that the father follows, if any.

No comes your role in correcting the behavior of your sister. First, you and other family members are best advised not to severe your relation with her. Do not wait for her visiting you. Always take the initiative and visit her. If visiting her frequently is difficult, try to call her. Make her feel that she is still a very important member in the family as she used to be when you all were young.

Try to search for a nearby mosque in her neighborhood. Try to introduce her to the Muslim community. This might be difficult in the beginning, but with some efforts you will find some Muslims in her area.

Give your sister and her kids some books about Islam so that they can read them to increase their knowledge about Islam.

Strengthen your relation with your sister’s children. It is very important to win the daughter to your side. Always ask about her and inquire about her progress at school. Explain to her that a Muslim girl is not allowed to date. Islam prohibits premarital relations of any kind.

Tell her that once someone proposes to marry her and she agrees, she can know as much as she can about him within the guidelines of Islam. Tell her not to be deceived by others. Tell her from experience, all stories of dating in the West have ended badly. Islam introduced the institution of marriage to regulate the relation between males and females.

Make a lot of du`aa’ (supplication) to Allah the Almighty to help your sister get out of this dilemma.

We hope this answers your question.

Salam and keep in touch.

Marriage to Non-Muslim
About Dr. Mohsen Haredy
Dr. Mohsen Haredy holds a PhD in Hadith literature from Leiden University, the Netherlands. He is the former Executive Manager and Editor-in-Chief of E-Da`wah Committee in Kuwait, and a contributing writer and counselor of Reading Islam. He graduated from Al-Azhar University and earned his MA in Hadith literature from Leiden University.