A few weeks ago I was walking up a high hilled street with my daughter.

Apparently I was walking too fast and turned around watching her pant her way up the hill.

Just for a short minute if one may say I backtracked to when I was panting just like her, up the same hill twenty two years ago like her I was heavily pregnant with her while my husband carried our 11 month old toddler.

He turned and smiled and said, “Race you to the top!”

Needless to say I lost the race as he sped up while I made a pitiful effort of rolling up the hill. Sadly gravity was not with me. I looked at my now red faced pregnant daughter and told her of our story ending it “Never fear, I beat your father the year after I was much lighter, and as karma has it he was now carrying both daughters up the hill, it was now my turn for sweet revenge and I turned around to your dad and said “Race you to the top”.. I won.

This story reminds me of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who had many happy moments with his wives. Like us he raced his wife two consecutive years. Like us there were alternative winners. Like us and most importantly they made it work regardless of the circumstances. The Prophet is my role model and his wives are my heroes.

Islam you see teaches us the beauty of marriage it teaches us that a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers prepared to make the best of the worst. It teaches us to create in our life the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day. The beautiful verse in the Quran reads:

{And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.} (30:21)

It goes without saying that us women are vital to the very existence of all humans. After all, men are born from women, not the other way around. God tells us in the Quran that He has created both men and women, all from a single person, Adam (peace be upon him). From Adam, God created his mate Eve and from these two God brought forth many men and many women.

God also tells us He created us all from a single soul and from him, brought forth his mate and from these two He created many tribes and nations and made us all different so that we might recognize one another.

Of course we may flatter ourselves that marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband, but this is another story. We are now here to reflect on how to merge and become as one a relationship which is all too beautiful if differences are ignored and ambitions embraced.

So equipped with the knowledge that we are an equal partner in marriage and the same weights and responsibilities befall us how do we make things work, and how do we make our choices and how in the dominion of weddings and marriages do we base our plans. God says:

{And give the women their dowries with a good heart.} (4:4)

Nothing in the above verse outlines how much, nothing says the more the better. Reflect on the last three words; ‘a good heart’.

If your fiancée only had a bigger pay cheque you’d be happier and more satisfied, right? Not necessarily. As the late rapper the Notorious B.I.G. described it in Mo Money Mo Problems in some cases the more money we come across, the more problems we see.

Islam teaches us that:

“Blessed is a woman whose engagement and dowry are easy”.

One story relays when the Prophet witnessed a marriage transaction he asked the potential groom:

“What do you have to give as a dowry’?”

“I have nothing but the shirt on my back”

The prophet said:

“If you give her your shirt you will have nothing to wear, so find something else.” He said:

“I have nothing.”

The Prophet said:

“Do you memorize something of the Quran?”

The man said:

“Yes, I memorize such and such” and named some verses in the Quran. Then The Prophet said:

“I gave you to each other in marriage for what you memorize of the Quran.” (Al-Bukhari)

I am by no means insinuating encouraging our sons and daughters to not spend on their marriages; I am however supporting the hadith highlighted above making life easy for the potential newlyweds.

The moral here is not to as parents pressure our potential brides and grooms to be in debt since a man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against his young wife and begins to hate her when he is still paying off the debts incurred because of it.

There are many particularly in the younger generation (my sons although too young to get married included) believe that getting married is more of a financial liability than a benefit. And if you’re being carried away by all these popular beliefs, think again.