Q:       

So I have recently been talking to a guy I met through social media and I like him a lot and my intentions are to talk to him and get to know him to see if we are compatible for marriage. For some reason i feel really guilty about it and i am not sure if i should continue the conversation. I am not someone that can do an arranged marriage because my personality and lifestyle does not allow it, so I need to find someone on my own terms and just want to see if I am compatible with them, but i am not understanding why I am feeling so guilty and as if I am doing something haram. So please give me advice on how to keep things halal, why i am feeling guilty, and how to go about finding someone or continuing the convo i’m having now. For some reason I feel as if I am betraying my mother and allah swt so if you could advise me somehow that’d be great. Jazakallah.

A:

When speaking with a guy, you must observe the three P’s: purposeful, public, professional. When chatting with a guy online, even if for the eventual potential for marriage, these rules still need to be followed.

If you meet, it must be in a public area. When you talk or chat, the conversation must be purposeful, in that you are not just chitchatting or flirting but are talking about marriage and what you are looking for.

Also, the conversation must be professional, in that it doesn’t become too casual.

Following these three guideline will prevent people from ‘falling in love’ or becoming too emotionally attached. This does not mean you will have an arranged marriage: you can get to know the person and their character/personality by speaking to them for many hours, as long as those rules are followed.

Also, you must let your mother know that you are speaking to this guy, and the types of things you are speaking about. This will further protect you from crossing more boundaries.

Almighty Allah knows best.