As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Congratulations on finding a compatible life partner!  It seems that you both know each other very well as best friends since childhood.  I am sorry to hear that both of your parents have disapproved of the marriage. I am very happy to hear however that you both held back from doing anything haram and decided to wait until you both got older so you could marry and enjoy the benefits which marriage brings. That in itself is a great accomplishment and may Allah reward you both for being patient and waiting. Also, this decision to wait illustrates maturity, love for Allah’s commands, and a desire to please Allah.

While I do not know any details about your cousin or you as to why either of your parents would object, I would kindly suggest dear sister that you sit with your parents and find out their reasons. Your cousin should do the same. While we like to please our parents, dear sister, as long as you both are of age, of sound mind and Islamically grounded, there should be no reason why you cannot marry. In the Qur’an it states,

“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing”.  (24:32)

As we can see, Allah encourages us to marry and as long as the requirements are met there is no reason to forbid a potential marriage. In fact, by forbidding a marriage that is halal and forcing you (or your cousin to marry someone else), the parents could be accountable to Allah on the day of judgment. Allah made it very clear as did the Prophet Mohammad (saw) that is it important to get the parents’/guardian’s approval and blessing for a marriage but that marriage is an individual choice. If approval cannot be obtained by either of your parents for reasons which are not in alignment with the Qur’an, please do seek the help of other relatives or perhaps a trusted imam.  t is possible to marry without your parents’ consent (though every effort must be made to get their blessings) as you are both adults and you have the right to marry whom you want within Islamic guidelines. While the marriage will be halal, there will be some rough times for awhile from both of your families until they have insha’Allah  accepted your decision.

I kindly suggest sister that you make a list of your cousin’s good qualities and attributes; your plans for married life such as how you will live (finances) and where, will you both complete college or does he plans to work,  etc.  In other words, have a plan in place to present to your parents (and your cousin as well)  which will help convince them that this marriage would be a successful one.   As he now lives in a different country, this may make things more difficult. When speaking with your parents about the subject, please do insha’Allah have a list of authentic hadiths and references from the Qur’an to back up your rights to marry.

Lastly dear sister and most important, make du’aa’ to Allah for guidance and in sha’Allah you both should make istikharah prayer regarding a final decision. I understand you miss him as you both grew up together and formed a bond. In sha‘ Allah, it will work out that the two of you can marry. However, in the finale sister, whatever Allah has decreed will be. If Allah did not decree that you marry him, then you must trust in Allah and move on with your life, the same for him. You both will know in time what it is that Allah has decreed for you both. If marriage to one another is what you both feel is right after much prayer and contemplation, then do take what measures you need, to ensure your parents understand the seriousness of your intentions.

We wish you both the best.