Regarding behaviour towards parents

Q:

As salamalaikum.

When I was young, I was constantly beaten by my mother and she would lock me in the toilet and violent behaviour was frequent. She would always say she is so strict towards me because she loves me, but it never looked like it.

On the other hand, I never really had a strong father figure. My father would always be angry and I have seen him fight with my mother and this was very common. My fathers anger was something no one from my family understood. He has done so much wrong to me and my mom out of his anger that even after decades, we are still suffering.

As a result of the beatings and bad stuff, my behavior towards my parents was not good when I was young. I have been rude and bad to my mom and refuted and insulted my dad as well. However, at that time, I was really not a devout Muslim. I never really got hidaya or tarbiya from my parents. My mom never cared if I prayed or no. My dad himself was highly disobedient of Allah. Due to this, I never knew the reality about Islam, I had no idea what the day of judgement was and along with it, I was never taught the seriousness of disobeying ones parents and the importance of parents. My mother would always say that below the feet of the mothers lies Jannah. But when she said this, it felt more like she is saying out of arrogance or anger and not out of love and care.

Unfortunately in the year 2013, my father passed away all of a sudden. I never got a chance to improve and change my ways.

I finished my college in 2016 and by the end of tht year or beginning of 2017, Allhumdollilah, Allah guided me to the straight path of Islam in a way I could never have imagined. Before this, I was almost like a kafir, more like an agnostic.

After coming to Islam, I understood the reality of Allah and the Nabi (SAW) and the day of judgement. I also understood the reality and importance of parents. Allhumdollilah, since then, I have tried to be a good child to my mother.

However, I did not get that chance with my father. When my father died, I was not even a good Muslim and had no idea about the reality. Later I became obedient of Allah. I do not know if I should say this or no, but I feel it was unfair that I never got to be a good child to my father. He died way earlier than I became a good Muslim.

Since all this has happen, what do I do now? Even though I am trying to be good to my mother. Is there any chance I can still enter Paradise due to what all I have done? Is there any chance of forgiveness? I do seek forgiveness for my dad for the sins he has committed and do sadaqah for him whenever I can. But still, do I stand a chance to Paradise? For me, I cannot even imagine disobeying Allah at this stage and His pleasure is my pleasure. Will Allah have mercy on me?

A:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu waRahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

I commend you for the change of heart and your sincere love and desire to practice Islam. I pray to Allah to bless your efforts and grant you steadfastness and reward your efforts.

Our duty towards parents comes second only to our duty to Allah, our Creator.  That is a lesson we learn from the Qur’an. Allah says,

{Your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say no word that shows impatience and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully.} (Al-Israa 17:23)

And this despite the fact they may not be Muslims, except that we ought not to obey them if they order us to do things that are against Allah’s commandments:

{If they strive to make you associate with Me anything about which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. Yet keep their company in this life according to what is right, and follow the path of those who turn to Me. You will all return to Me in the end, and I will tell you everything that you have done.} (Luqman 31:15)

Therefore, even if they have been rude to you, you still owe them respect and take good care of them as best as possible.

Now that your father has passed away, you should pray to Allah to forgive him and have mercy on him and admit him to paradise.

As for your mother, forgive her shortcomings and treat her kindly as long as she is alive. Never take revenge on her because of her past misdeeds.

And never forget to pray to Allah:

Rabbi irhamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanee saghfiran

Rabbi ighfir lee wali waalidayya walil mu’mineena yawma yaqoomu al-hisaab

(My Lord, have mercy on my parents even as they were merciful to me when I was little;

My Lord, forgive me, my parents and the believers on the Day of Reckoning).

Allah Almighty knows best.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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