Asalamu alaykom, i have a question in regards to divorce. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. Divorce was always brought up during arguments. We got married very young (17) and didn’t have right guidance about marriage and how to deal with one another. We had to basically learn as we go. When we were about 20 our marriage got so bad. We fought so much, had 2 kids and it was just really bad. He kept saying he doesn’t want to be married anymore and he moved out. I don’t remember him actually saying, you are divorced or I divorce you. He just kept saying that we will be getting divorced. Even though he moved out, he would still come back to my apartment and have sexual relations with me. It was so much going on that I can’t remember all the details. Anyway we ended up working it out and got back together. Fast forward about 4 years later, again we get into a huge fight and this time I said I wanted a divorce. I called my parents and his parents and said I didn’t want to do this and he agreed. So my dad told him to pronounce divorce. After a week we reconciled. For the last few months he has been talking about divorce again. He kept saying that our relationship was toxic and we need to just separate. He is always questioning me and suspicious of everything I do and say. The day before Eid, he asked me to swear on the Quran that I have never let another man touch me sexually while being married to him. I did it just to give him peace of mind and of course because I have never done that. Then he asks me to swear about something that was in my past before marriage. I wouldn’t do it because this is something I have kept from him due to it being a sin I am ashamed of and have repented for. So I ended up admitting it because I did not want to swear on Allahs name and lie. So he divorced me on the spot and went to my parents house to inform them. I was pregnant and had my baby a few days later without him by my side. I just want to know if based on our previous divorces is this my final one since the first one is doubtful? Also, was he in the right to divorce me the way he did? With me being pregnant and asking me about something in the past and telling me to swear on the quran.
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
Your husband is wrong in digging into your past and making you swear an oath on the Quran. You should not have divulged your history and could have refused to swear. Now you have done it; he has no right to divorce you based on your past sins, which you have repented and moved away. He is guilty of a second offense: First, digging into your past; second, divorcing you based on a past sin you have committed. We are not allowed to dig into the past sins of anyone.
Moreover, Islam teaches us that we are not allowed to lift the cover Allah has placed over the past sins. By divulging them, we are exposing ourselves, while Allah Himself has covered them. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever has guilty of any the filthy actions in the past, let them not lift the cover that Allah has placed over them.” (Malik and others)
If he is a conscientious Muslim, he ought to ask forgiveness of Allah for his offenses. He also owes it to you to ask your forgiveness and take you back. Otherwise, he will be accountable before Allah for being unjust, abusive, and inconsiderate towards you and the baby you are bearing for him.
I pray that he comes to his senses and repent and seek forgiveness and takes you back.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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