Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister

Thankyou for sharing your story. Masha Allah, Allah has tested you for some time, first with regards to your marriage and now with the children that He has blessed you with.

 

When faced with such trials, it becomes easy to focus on the negatives whilst looking to others who have a different lifestyle to us. All the while such thoughts lead us to feel sad and unable to attend to the immense blessings in a seemingly hopeless situation. So, I’d like to begin by highlighting these things that could be easily overlooked by you as you experience life in your situation day after day.

 

• At some point or other most parents will experience negative feelings towards being a parent and are left feeling down about parenting for a time and fulfilling their role and being happy as a parent. It is a challenge to be faced whatever the cause of that sadness is, be it disobedient children, difficulties with custody with a divorced parent, or any type of disability that a child could have. The point is, parents will struggle with their children for one reason or another and that is part of the life of being a parent, but alhamdulilah, these are tests that will come with abundant blessings if managed appropriately.
• Whilst parents are struggling to raise their children, there are also many who are struggling to even conceive in the first place, or they face consist loss after loss, sometimes even struggling with marital relations or to even find a spouse due to these fertility issues. Such people may even say that they would give up everything to have a child regardless of if they would have a disability or not. That is not to say that you are ungrateful for your blessing, but a reminder that the ability to even have children as a natural process is so easy to take for granted.
• Children are a trust to us from Allah and Allah deemed that you are strong enough and worthy of the test and great reward that comes with caring for children with more complex needs than your ‘average’ child. That is something to feel very proud of. Allah know that not all people are cut out for such challenges, or even worthy of the reward, but you are.
• Remember the Hereafter. Trials in this life will be rewarded with the best in the Hereafter and isn’t that what we are striving for? This life is simply a preparation for the next and by passing these tests. The grander the test in this life, the bigger the reward in the next. After all, we know that the beat of people before us were those who faced greater trials than we can even imagine, yet we known that the rewards awaiting them are immense. Sometimes this can be difficult to connect with which is why it is important to remain strong in your Deen and remain close to Allah in hope of His Mercy both in this life and the next.
• Others that you look to outside who don’t have children with disabilities may seem like they have the more ideal life as they are not faced with this daily challenge, but it is possible that whilst on the outside they seem to have a perfect life they may be facing other struggles that you don’t see; struggles that they cry about and may even be looking to you wishing they could be in your situation.
• As for your daughter, having disabled siblings will instill a sense of mercy and compassion in her that many children are not able to develop to a deep level at such a young age. These are great skills for her to have that will benefit her greatly throughout life, both in this life and the Hereafter. If you feel she needs time with other children who don’t have disabilities also, you can get her involved in outside activities so she can develop strong friendships with other girls and have fun that way

 

In addition to these considerations,  make sure to take of yourself. Being a full time carer means that you probably have little time for yourself which can only add to the difficulty and make it even more difficult to focus on the positives. If there is anyone who can help you to take care of your children for some time each week, or even your local social services should be able to assist, even if only for an hour or two just to allow you to have time to yourself, this would be beneficial to your own wellbeing, which is very important for you, your relationship with others and your ability to care for your children.

 

Being away from the situation for a short time will help you to appreciate it more also. You are working very hard and you to deserve some time for yourself also. Don’t felt like a failure to ask for assistance sometimes, because it is in everyone’s best interests that you get this much needed and deserved help. During this time, spend time with others and/or start a new hobby/do something new that you’ve as wanted to try and give yourself an added feeling of purpose to strive each day, leading away from the feelings of helplessness that you are currently experiencing.

 

May Allah bring you ease during difficulty and maybe reward the hard work you put into raising your beautiful family.