Counselor Hannah Morris On General Counseling | About Islam
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Counselor Hannah Morris On General Counseling

Session Guest

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)


Thursday, Mar. 07, 2019 | 13:00 - 15:00 Makkah | 10:00 - 12:00 GMT

Session Status

Session is over.

Salaam `Alaikum dears brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Hannah for answering the questions.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

[email protected]

 


Aslamu Alaikum, my mum's behavior is not good. She tells tales and makes trouble in the family. It has caused a lot of fitna. She cannot see wrong in her ways. She behaves like a victim. I always worry about what trouble she has caused today. Please tell me a dua I can read for her? Thank you



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It is very unfortunate when there are people that try to stir up trouble within the family. The family are supposed to be a source of comfort and support for one another and when someone causes problems, this can cause destruction in the entire family. We especially expect that the elders, and our parent, in particular, will be the source of guidance as positive role models to us but in the case when they are the ones behaving wrongly this can add to the burden.

 

Alhamdulilah that you are recognising that her behaviour is not good and are concerned about any ongoing difficulties that her behaviour could cause as this will place you in a strong position to prevent this from happening. As I am not a scholar I cannot advise you on specific duas for this scenario, but I would advise you to ask a scholar in this case.. but, I certainly can advise you to continue praying for her, that Allah will guide her aright and stop her from causing such difficulties.

 

You can also be a positive role model to her by practising Islam with her and advising her in line with Islam that she will develop a fear of Allah and desire to please Him by acting in accordance with Islam in such a way that won’t cause a disturbance in the family. Perhaps you could try inviting her to watch Islamic lectures, read Quran, or take an Islamic studies course together so that you can support her in being closer to Allah and reach this end goal in a supportive manner that will be good for you both as well as naturally encouraging her to good without being angry or forceful.

 

Furthermore, if it is that her behaviour is a result of some inner turmoil that she is facing, which this kind of behaviour commonly is, then this will serve as a natural resolve for this also by providing subtle support and guidance for her.

 

May Allah reward your concern for her and your family and may He guide her in the straight path.


What does Islam say about physical abuse by parents on adult children, son, daughter in law, grandchildren?



Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

To get specific advice directly from the Qur’an and Sunnah that can be explained in the light of a strong knowledge of Islam I would suggest you seek scholarly advice on the matter to get some strong and sound advice on the matter.

 

From a more general perspective however, abuse of any kind is not permitted Islamically.

 

We are taught to be kind and merciful to all. It does matter whether a person is older or younger than us, close relative or stranger, we are taught to treat everyone with respect. There is no room for abuse, be it physical or psychological in Islam. There is no excuse for it, nor is there anywhere in any authentic Islamic text that suggests it is ok in any form.

 

Just because someone is older and more knowledgeable than their younger counterparts, it does not give them any right to be abusive.

 

Without any specific details, only general advice can be given here. If the abused person is in any danger then they should seek shelter elsewhere to escape the abuse. They should not in any way feel that they are to blame. Even if they have done something wrong, this does not mean that the abuser should relative back with physical abuse.

 

Sometimes, it is the case that the abuser is experiencing outside issues that have nothing to do with the one that they are abusing. The reason that they abuse the person is because they are a close family member and therefore love them unconditionally. Therefore the abuser has someone who they can take their frustrations out on, in the knowledge that they are less likely to turn their back on them than if they should abuse someone who they are not close to. Unfortunately, the abused then has to carry the Wright of whatever the abuser is going through both physically and emotionally. Whilst this can help us to understand why close family members do abuse their family, it does not make it ok.

 

If it is possible to encourage the abuser to get some counseling and support to overcome their anger and frustration then this is a positive step forward, otherwise, the abused is advised to seek refuge somewhere safe where they can be free from the abuse. This will also give the abuser the space to reflect on their actions and find alternative and more healthy ways to manage their anger and physically abuse ways.

 

May Allah make things easier for those being abused and may He guide those who abuse others.


Assalamu alaikum,

My ex-wife moved to a western country along with my children without my consent (or even informing me) right after I divorced her. Now, she is asking for financial support for the kids, I agreed to provide monthly maintenance if she comes back, but she is not agreeing, instead, she has applied to that government for financial support, and has decided to live there permanently.

My question is, should I provide her the monthly maintenance; doing so will encourage her to live there and never come back. I am a devoted Muslim and fear Allah in this matter. Please suggest me a solution in light of the Holy Quran, Sunnah and Hadith. Thanks



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

Masha Allah, you are approaching this issue in a respectable manner for the sake of Allah and to the best for your children. It is unfortunate that she went ahead and made the move without consulting you as you can have discussed matters relating to you providing financial support ahead of time along with some conditions you would prefer her to abide by when it comes to matters of the children. However, as this did not happen, you have to deal with the matter retrospectively.

 

Of course, you want what’s best for children, especially when it comes to their Deen and you are aware that you are still responsible for providing for them financially. However, with the fear of how they might be influenced by the West you are concerned that this financial provision will only encourage them to stay and be potentially influenced by factors in the West that are not compatible with Islam.

 

This is a big choice to make as whichever choice you make there may be some dissatisfaction in the light of Islam; either you are left not providing for them as you should, yet potentially protecting them from harmful exposure, but then you would be disregarding  your duties as a father, but possibly supporting them in remaining somewhere that wont be good for them.

 

Beyond these obvious concerns, there are other things to think about that might make moving forward for you easier. As their father, you should have some say in the children’s upbringing, even if you are divorced and live apart from them. The extent to which you are obliged to be involved after a divorce is a matter that I would urge you to seek advice from a scholar who will be able to provide you with the correct rulings in light of the Qur’an and Sunnah so that you can rest assured that whatever you do will be that which is obligated upon you.

 

This will also enable you to provide a more convincing stance in approaching your ex wife. If it is a matter that she does not agree to, then you could seek assistance from an imam or scholar of knowledge to approach her either with you, or separately if necessary. From afar this is something that would obviously have to take place over the phone or Internet. Otherwise, if you are able to engage someone close to her, then they could approach her on the matter in person.

 

Do also be aware that there may other matters relating to the laws of the country of both the country you married in, as well as where she is now, and the manner in which you married (Islamic, or civil), both of yours and your children’s nationalities. These are issues that may lead to the need for legal involvement should it be deemed that you have the right to withdraw them. Islamically,  the children’s gender and age will also be relevant in the amount of control you have. Again, this is something to seek advice from a learned scholar on.

 

If it is deemed that it is acceptable for her to stay with them in the West,  do understand that whilst there are many aspects that are quite against the principles of Islam, there are also many positives also. There are good Muslim communities, good Muslim schools and plenty of opportunities to thrive as a Muslim in ways that are compatible with Islam. Even in Muslim countries their exists opportunities for Muslim to become court and go astray often in the light of cultural matters. This is where cooperation with your ex wife, working together for the sake of Allah and your children will be good for your peace of mind and their moral upbringing, even in your absence.

Make arrangements to talk to them often via video calls. This way you can consistently monitor their state and make sure that they are indeed staying strong in their Deen. If you notice anything concerning, then this is where you could talk to their mother and find out what you can do to improve things. This way, you can be as involved as possible in their lives from afar whilst also monitoring their progress.

 

As you are concerned that sending any financial support their way will only encourage and enable them to remain in the West perhaps, if is that it is deemed that they can and will stay, but that you must provide for them financially then you could consider controlling the way you support them. Rather than sending their mother money each month, instead, consider offering to pay for the things that they need.

 

For example, if they are attending an Islamic school and fees need to be paid, then you could offer to pay for them directly and pay straight to the school. Likewise, you could order items such as clothing online to be delivered directly to their address. This way, you can still support them financially but in a way that you know is going directly towards meeting their needs than funding other things that might not be compatible with Islam.

 

Do let the children and your ex wife know also that the door is always open should they wish to return anytime, or should it be deemed from scholarly advise that they should return to you. This way things still remain gentle and supportive and in line with the advice you receive between all parties without being over confrontational, especially with the wellbeing of children being at stake.

 

May Allah reward your efforts to raise your children well even after divorce. May He make them the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.


Salaam, The doctors have told me and my husband that with each pregnancy we have a 1 in 4 (25%) chance of having a child with chromosomal abnormalities. Me and my husband are both carriers of a faulty gene. We previously had a daughter who was our first child who had this problem. She had global developmental delay, had trouble eating, and various other health and physical difficulties. She passed away when she was 18 months old. I am now 5 months pregnant with my second child and I am very scared that this child may have the same problem. I just hope I have normal children. I just want to have normal children like everybody else it is really hard to take care of special children. It causes a lot of stress and depression. Is there any special dua or Surah that I should pray or do something special in order to have normal children please let me know. Thank you.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

Allah has given you the ability to have children, but He has also given both you and your husband genetic profiles that mean any children you bare have a chance of being born with a chromosomal abnormality. There are many different types of chromosomal abnormalities and any number of us can be carrying the gene that can result in the same, be it unknown or not. Having a child with some type of chromosomal abnormality comes with any number of challenges and many will say that all they wish for in a child is for them to be healthy.

 

However, this is often said forgetting that firstly, even having a child is a blest begin with regardless of whether they possess a disability or not as there are also many who pray to even have a child and suffer the emotional consequences of being unable to bare one ever in their life. Furthermore, in the event of a seeming adversity like having a disabled child, it is easy to forget the added blessings that come with the tests that one is faced in raising a child with disabilities.

 

As with any test, it is important to remember that Allah will not burden you with more than you can bare. He knows that you are strong enough to bare the pains and challenges that come with the test of raising a disabled child. Few sisters are blessed with such strength and patience. The test makes things difficult in this life, but the rewards in the Hereafter will be far greater. After all, look at the types of tests the greatest people before us faced.

 

Only Allah knows whether He will bless you with another child who has the same chromosomal abnormality so this matter is in His hands.  Of course, noone prays to go through such adversities so it’s  ok to pray for a healthy child, but also don’t his in t faith and trust that Allah will bless you with whatever is good for you.

 

You can seek scholarly advice on the best duas to say at this point, and also make sure to take care of yourself too; both physically and psychologically. I’ll health in either of these areas can add to the potential to develop other difficulties in a developing baby too.

 

Stay close to Allah and engage in worship regularly will help to relax you psychologically and place your body in a good physical state for pregnancy as well as being content with whatever Allah blesses you with. It is only natural that you will be feeling such anxieties at present since the last pregnancy concluded with the death of your child due to this abnormality,  bit it is important for you to try any keep yourself relaxed by focusing on the positives in that experience as well as your spiritual commitment in order to be in the most conducive mental state to carry your pregnancy to the end, in sha Allah.

 

May Allah reward your struggles and make this pregnancy easy for you. May He grant you a pious child who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

 


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