As salamu alaykum,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. Sister, it seems as if you and your family have been through a lot. According to you, you feel that you have been blessed because Allah saved you from Iraq before the war, from Syria before the war, to where you then went to a European country, where you are now. That is a lot of stress and trauma. It is not only on you, but your whole family.

 

Possible Trauma & Adjustments

 

I’m not sure what horrors you or your family may have seen during all these moves and transitions, however I can imagine it must have been very difficult. May Allah continue to bless and guide you and your family. As you are now an immigrant in a European country, not only do you have to adjust to a new home situation, but now that you are in a safe place you and your family may have to deal with the trauma that you may have been through in the past.

 

I am not sure if you and your family are traumatized or not, I do not have enough information. However, if you have been exposed to traumatic events, trauma if not dealt with, will surface as fear, depression, anxiety, anger, and other mental health symptoms. It could be that your family is emotionally overwhelmed right now and needs a mental health intervention to deal with all the changes and stress that you all have been going through.

 

Sister you sound like you are depressed based on how you described what you feel. I understand that you love your family very much and this is very hurtful. I also can imagine that each member of your family is suffering in their own way. I would kindly suggest sister that insha’Allah, when things are calm, sit down and talk to your mom or your dad, whoever you are closer to.

 

Ask them if it is possible that you as a family seek counseling. You may wish to point out that you have been through a lot as a family and that it would be beneficial to address the dysfunction that is going on within the family. Allah in His Mercy, did enable people to get an education, and have a white heart to help others to become doctors, therapists, counselors, nurses, and other career paths that help people.

 

Seeking Help

 

Allah states that He will not change the condition of a people until they change themselves. I’m not an Islamic scholar, however I do take this to mean that when there is something not right or something is wrong, we are to make every effort to change it or heal it.

 

This would include reaching out to those who have been trained to help. It could be an Imam at your local Masjid, a Community Counseling Center, or a referral from your family doctor. It would be very beneficial if the person who is doing therapy is trained in trauma as well as knowledgeable about the immigration process and the stressors of relocating to a new country.

 

Insha’Allah sister, your family will be open to receiving counseling. If they are not, I kindly advise that you go for counseling yourself. Counseling will help with your depression insha’Allah, help you to adjust to your situation, and give you a perspective on your family dynamics.

 

In addition to counseling, please do read Quran, make duaa and attend the Masjid for prayers and other Islamic events. The more you engage yourself in positive Islamic up building activities, the better you will feel. You need to be surrounded by a loving, positive Islamic community.

 

Paradise Lies Beneath the Feet of the Mother

 

Insha’Allah sister, please do continue standing up for your mom. It is terrible that your brother talks to her in this way, and that the family has made her a scapegoat for their problems. I can imagine she feels very much alone and hurt. Maybe suggest that you and she go out for lunch, or for a walk in a nice park just to have some time alone as mother and daughter. I’m sure she would appreciate your support and your love at this time.

 

Sister I am confident that you will get through this. You have been through worse and Allah in His loving mercy has brought you through the darkness. Allah will bring you and your family through this test as well, you just have to reach out for help and trust in Allah.

 

You and your family are in our prayers, please do get counseling as soon as possible.