Salam Aleikom.

I feel like I am trapped in this life/world. Daily life feels a burden and punishment. It feels like it is so difficult to live as this life does not give us any benefit and sometimes feel that death is a good news/ news of freedom out of this world. But we can’t choose to die. Not only that, I have no interest in daily activities like engaging with people. But as I am a mother, wife, daughter and sister and much more. I have to live and carry on even I am not happy to do so. Sometimes people get annoyed and upset because of this attitude of mine.

Nothing pleases me. I want to be alone and do not want to talk much. I do not even want to go to work but I have to for my kids and to survive. Even I am happy for my husband to have another wife and carry on with his life. I am ok to look after my kids and educate them but do not like fun, going to people and especially parties. But I am kind of forced. Last summer I planned my holiday in a way that I avoided a wedding party, to do so I left my kids alone with their dad for 5 days and came back home making an excuse that I did not have holidays anymore but I can’t do that too often and coming summer two weddings of my first cousins coming.

To understand this, can u advise me what to do, please?

As salamu alaikum sister,

Shokran for writing to our live session. Sister,  I am so sorry to hear about the things you are going through and how is it has affected your life, as well as your view concerning yourself. As you discussed, you feel like you are trapped in this situation in life. You describe your daily living as feeling like a burden and a punishment. You stated that you have no interest in daily activities, engaging with other people, or being social.

Feeling Life is a Burden

Sister, from what you described, it sounds like you may be depressed. I cannot diagnose you only a therapist in your area who assesses you can diagnose you, however, what you have described, it sounds like it might be depression. Loss of interest in social activities, friends/family, and fun times are often seen in those who are depressed. I am wondering how long you have felt this way and if you have other symptoms such as fears, feeling anxious, or physical symptoms.

Possible Depression/Postpartum

You stated that you have children, so I am wondering how long ago you give birth to your last child. I am wondering if you could possibly have postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is quite common and the symptoms are much as you described.  Sister, I am not sure what could have brought on these feelings, however, I do kindly suggest insha’Allah that you do go see a counselor and get assessed. If it is depression, it can be treated. The sooner you go, the sooner you will feel better sister.

Self Reflection

Sister, I encourage you to reflect on the way you are feeling. Keeping a daily journal is often a good start. You may want to begin by identifying what are the emotions you are feeling. Is it emptiness, fear, numbness, sadness, and so forth. Once you begin to understand what emotions you are feeling you can then ask yourself why you are feeling a particular emotion. Do you have a strong supportive loving family? Do you feel valued? Do you feel good about yourself and have healthy self-esteem? How long have you felt this way? Can you pinpoint an event or time when you started feeling this way? When was the last time you felt ’alive” and felt joy? These questions can be an important sister as they can give you some insight as to why you may feel the way you do. While it may take some time and work to sift through your emotions and where they are coming from, it is best done with a counselor who can help guide you.

First Steps

Sister, if you would like to change your condition, you need to take the first step insha’Allah and actually go for an assessment. I encourage you insha’Allah to contact your family doctor or if you know of a therapist or a mental health community center near you, call them. Please do make an appointment as soon as possible. The sooner you address this feeling sister, the sooner you will be able to resolve them and feel good again Insha’Allah you have already started this process by reaching out to us. That is a very positive and good sign as it illustrates that you have the desire to change your circumstances. Often times when one is depressed it is hard to make the first move towards diagnosis and healing. However, every small step counts. There’s nothing worse than feeling that daily life is a burden. It sounds like you have a lot of things in your life that can bring you joy. Oftentimes if one is depressed, these feelings of joy, hope, and happiness are gone. Often people don’t even know if they are depressed or not as they can feel ’numb” to external situations.

Allah wants you to be Happy

Sister, Allah wants you to be happy. Allah did not create you to live a life of burden, punishment, and sadness. Please do seek out counseling sister to address possible depression. It is very treatable. Please do be proud of yourself for taking the first step and reaching out to AboutIslam. This is a good supportive start towards making the decision to begin your healing journey. May Allah bless you and make it easy for you. Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.

We wish you the best.