Q:

Me and my lover, we are in a relationship (2 years).  First few months we hold hands. Then we knew that that was haram. Then we stopped doing it.

Still we try to avoid haram things. We just talk to each other.

 Now after 2 years we want to get married to be halal because it’s so hard now to stop doing haram things. That’s why we want to be halal by marriage. But if we tell our parents they Won’t listen. They will separate us from everything. We are sure of it because It’s in nature of our country’s people.

 What should we do? We want to be halal . 

Is there another way?

Is her brother’s approval can be okey in our marriage?

But he is not religious.

Help please  

Please give a solution. Tell us the right way to marriage. We want to be halal.

A:

Wa alaykum assalam warahmatullah wabarakatuh.

In the Nam of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Mercy-giving.

All praise is due to Allah. Peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad.

Dear brother, you need first to know that your current relationship is haram. So, the first thing you have to do is to sever your relation with her until things are settled in a legitimate way.

The only way to legitimize your relationship is to prepare yourself for marriage responsibilities and then propose to her family.

Although your parents’ approval is not a must for the validity of your marriage, still you need to seek their consent so as not to be disobedient and ungrateful to them.

Regarding the girl, the majority of scholars maintain that a Muslim bride has to have a wali (guardian) in order to conclude the marriage contract.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A woman who marries without her wali’ (guardian)’s permission her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

The Hanifite school’s position regarding this issue is remarkably weak as it stands in opposition to such an unambiguous prophetic verdict.

If her family refuses, you can do nothing else. Man proposes, but Allah disposes. If you really want to please Allah, you have to resist your passion, follow the legitimate ways, and believe that the outcomes are in His Hands alone. He knows best; and whatever he decrees for both of you will be much better than what you think of.

The Gracious Quran states, “It may be that you hate a thing, while it is good for you. And it may be that you love a thing, while it is evil for you. Yet Allah knows (what is most beneficial for you), and you do not know.” (Al-Baqarah 2:216)

Almighty Allah knows best.