Sex Education & Teenagers – Counseling Session

Salaam `Alaikum dears brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Aisha for answering the questions.

Answers will be online very soon.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

[email protected]

Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2019 | 08:00 - 10:00 Makkah | 05:00 - 07:00 GMT

Session is over.

What can I and my daughter do to guide our children in the use of the Internet not violating Islamic injunctions?



Question 3 - About Islam

As salamu alaykum,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session with your question. The internet can be both a positive aspect for children as well as a negative. There are a lot of good educational sites that are Islamically geared for children. They can learn much from the tutorials and fun lessons this can provide in their spare time. The internet can also add to their academic education, given the host of learning sites and tools. However, with so many people walking around with cell phones as an extension of their hand, it is alarming. Given the dangers of children freely browsing the internet, much danger lurks in chat rooms, online forums, porn sites and so forth.

 

Setting Limits

 

I kindly suggest that insha’Allah, you first talk to the children about what is, and is not permissible in an age appropriate language. Discuss Islamic guidelines using a list (children like visuals) of what is haram and what is permissible to look at online. You may want to restrict certain websites or set the computer/phone to “Family Friendly”. You can also create a list of sites that are only permissible to access. Have them sign a contract that they will abide by these rules. While a contract may sound silly, it does serve to act as little “subconscious” reminders.

 

Human Interaction

 

I would suggest insha’Allah, that you also set a time limit on their online activity. Chose an amount of time per week (or day) in which they can be online. Try to be present if possible when they are using it. Enourage them to read a book, talk to family and friends, rather than text or use the internet. Today’s teens have lost some communication skills as they have been raised in a “virtual” world. By expressing the importance for real life contact and interaction, insha’Allah they will come to look at online activities as an after thought rather than a normal way to communicate.

Conclusion

 

Encourage your children to talk to you about any concerns they may have concerning appropriate Islamic internet use. If they feel comfortable and secure coming to you or another family member, then insha’Allah should anything questionable take place, they will know they can tell you without fear of being judged. The goal insha’Allah, is to keep them safe while online and adhering to Islamic guidelines. If these values are instilled from a young age, insha’Allah they will use the internet responsibly. We wish you the best.


My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage who is 5 I wanted to know if it is permissible for her to share the bed with me and my husband?



Question 2 - About Islam

As salamu alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. Your question iso ne many parents ask. Sister, I do not know how long you have been married or what your relationship is with your husband’s child. I pray that you are close to her and have a bond, though that is not always possible right away. With children it may take time to build a relationship.

 

Comfort, Security and Bonding

 

There are a lot of parents who let their child (children) sleep with them. Especially during the first few years, it provides a time for bonding as well as security and comfort for the child. As she is five, perhaps she is used to sleeping with her parents if she has been doing it all along. If you are comfortable with this and welcome her, then there should be no issue. However, as she gets a little older, I would suggest weaning her to her own room which can be done in steps. Having a child sleep with you has benefits and negatives. Some of the benefit are outlined above. The negative outcomes can include a disruptionin you and your husband’s intimate time alone. If you are newly married, this could pose a problem in forming your own personal connection as husband and wife.

 

Making a Transition

 

If the case is that you are not for co-sleeping, insha’Allah discuss it with your husband to see if he is open to slowly acclimating her to her own room. Possibly she can sleep with the both of you for 6 nights, then 5 and so on. However it is done, insha’Allah, assure her of your love and remind her that she is becoming a young lady. You may want to make co-sleeping a fun night instead of a regular pattern. For instance, on a Friday or Saturday you may wish to have snacks and watch a movie in bed together as a family. If it is done in this way, it’s not looked at as a regular every night occurrence but rather it is looked at as a special occasion. As she is getting older she may begin to want her personal private space as well. She may even look forward to you and her decorating her room.

 

Conclusion

 

Many parents go through this phase just fine and the child eventually seeks their own room. It will really depend on how you feel about it sister. Please do talk with your husband about how you feel regarding his (now your) daughter sleeping with the both of you. Based on what you both desire regarding the situation, work towards a mutually beneficial goal for sleeping habits. We wish you the best.


As-salamualaikum,

Recently one of my school mates passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly. That's when I realized how unexpected life is. I was sick that same day and from then on I have been thinking of death. My fear is especially coz of my recurring thoughts of death. It has been making me unhappy and depressed for three months.

I shared my parents they tried consoling me. They get really sad about this whole incident as I was a very bold and positive person before all this. I don't wanna make them sad so I try to sort out things myself. Now I'm way better sometimes but sometimes I go back to overthinking. I am even scared to write all this down. I get thoughts like if u think so much abt death maybe that's a bad sign and all.

Alhamdulillah one speck of positive is that earlier I was not very strict w salah and used to go astray. but now I ask repentance from Allah and is very punctual on salah and try reading at least one surah daily. Alhamdulillah.

But again the thoughts of death and all that disturbs me a lot and also being religious suddenly makes me scared a bit also. is that shaythaans whisper? Please help me to get back to optimistic and visionary self and give me tips to overcome these recurring thoughts of death which sometimes hinder me from my studies. and most importantly I'm not happy or positive.

Also I have read people gets anxious coz of lack of tawakkul, tell me tips and views on that.



Question 1 - About Islam

As Salam Alaykum sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session. I am sorry to hear about your classmate who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. When someone that young dies, it can be shocking. May Allah grant the family ease, have mercy upon your classmate, grant her/him forgiveness, mercy and Jannah.

 

Life is Temporary

 

It is often events like this in our lives which make us think about how temporary life is and how easily it can be snatched away. Sometimes when we are too young to understand the concept of death, we can lose a loved one and be very sad and affected. Yet, it may not cause us to think about it in a very deep way wherein we seek a spiritual resolution. When one is older (past middle age) and friends, family start passing away, it is so painful but you kind of expect it because of age. You get depressed, you feel sad, you process the grief and usually one can move on.

 

However, when one is a teen-young adult such as yourself and experiences a death, it can tend to really make one analyze their life, spirituality, mortality of self and others. As we know, we cannot escape death. It is often this stark realization often by experience that we realize it does happen, that propels us towards self-exploration. This is what you may possibly be going through now, self-exploration.

 

Benefits of Introspection

 

As you stated, you are keeping your salat more, you are taking Islam more seriously, and you are trying to become a better Muslim. It may be that this very real-life experience brought you closer to Allah. It is this longing, this desire to have complete trust in Allah which ultimately soothes the heart. Aboutislam (1) has a very good article you may wish to read regarding tawakkul.

 

Anxious thoughts about Death

 

A lot of times when young people reach their early teens to mid-twenties, they begin to think about their mortality. They begin to think about death and dying and the meaning of it all. Often anxiety, fears, and phobias can surround the issues of death as one works through the process. It is not a pleasant thought or feeling, but it is a part of growing and developing a consciousness of life. This is quite common to experience. It can be considered a part of a developmental phase that some people go through. Your case, as with others, may have turned into anxiety.

 

It sounds like your preoccupation with thoughts of death are due to a possible anxiety disorder that has set in. I cannot diagnose you sister, only a therapist who assesses you can. However, as it is consuming much of your thoughts, I kindly advise you to consider counseling Insha’Allah, if you cannot resolve this in time.

 

Seeking Closeness with Allah

 

Sister, I kindly suggest that you keep seeking closeness with Allah. The more you turn to Allah for help, guidance and for forgiveness the more you will feel ease.

 

I kindly suggest insha’Allah, that in addition to what you are already doing, please do get involved in Islamic activities such as joining a sister’s group for studying the Qur’an, attending lectures, going out for social fun with friends, as well as increasing your interests. Insha’Allah, by building up a strong Islamic, familial and social support, you will gain a more positive outlook on life.

 

I understand what you are going through and how you feel, trust me. I went through a period in my early twenties when I felt the same way. It stayed with me for about a year or two and caused me to feel much anxiety. I fear losing one of my parents or siblings but with the help of Allah, I made it through and finally accepted that we have no control over things. Allah has control over all. The best we can do is to be good human beings.

 

Be kind, loving, help others, and no that our good deeds in this life will mean much in our afterlife. I am not talking about deeds done just to get brownie points, I’m talking about good deeds that come from the heart. Dhzikr also helps increase tawakkul. Remembrance of Allah when you are feeling anxious or scared in regards to death can bring a sense of peace and comfort to you. Dhzikr is very healing.

 

Conclusion

 

You sound like you have a very good heart sister. Insha’Allah, possibly you can engage in some charity work. That helped me immensely when I was going through my anxiety regarding losing someone that I loved, and others going through similar emotions have reported it as fulfilling as well.

 

Sister if you continue to seek Allah and keep your mind busy with positive things, as well keep building up your Islam, in time this preoccupation with death may leave you. The thought of death will never totally go away, because we all understand the impermanence of life. However, it may strengthen your resolve to become closer to Allah, and please Allah, which will have enormous benefits in your life and mental health. Please do seek counseling sister if the preoccupation does not go away, insha’Allah it will. Please let us know how you are doing, you are in our prayers.

 

1. https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/finding-peace/trusting-allah/4-ways-to-boost-our-trust-in-god