As-salamu Alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

 

Of course, as a parent we all want our children to perform well and get the best grades in school, but at the same time, not all children are blessed with academic intelligence. If everyone was blessed in such a way the world simply would not work and everyone would be Ann academic and we would have no one to perform jobs that require other skills such as physical skills to do more practical jobs.

 

If no one did such jobs we would all get stuck when our car needs fixing for example. Everyone is different and Allah created diversity in many ways, not just in our physical appearances but in intellect as well amongst other things. This is nothing to be ashamed of as this is Allah’s Will. Nobody should be left to feel that they are not good enough because ether lack in a certain area when the truth is they will excel in a different area. Perhaps your son is not good at maths and English, but his skills may lie elsewhere. Perhaps this might not be in the academic field and perhaps it is not in a sill that is immediately obvious but will become so as he grows older and experiences life more.

 

Aside from understanding that we have all been blessed with a variety of skills, it is also important to understand that we all respond differently to demands we face in life. For some people, harsh punishment for poor performance is successful in increasing motivation and improving in performance, but for others, this approach only exacerbates their failure and destroys their psychological well-being as they feel they are not good enough.

 

Such a feeling will only decrease motivation and add to poor performance both because they are not feeling good about themselves,  but because of the added stress which causes their brains to function less effectively. Perhaps this is the case for the child in question. Perhaps reprimanding your other children in the way that you are for this child have proved effective in improving grades, but it doesn’t mean that it will work for this child also,  and it seems that this may be the case.

 

Forcing him to do more housework and pray more could even have a detrimental effect in causing him to associate prayer and chores with failure which will only turn him away from them when he is older and has the choice to do these things himself. The last thing you want to ever happen to this child ifs for them to abandon prayer. It may also cause him to resent his siblings if you compare him to them, and make him don’t their chores, so be aware of this also. If you still feel like taking this kind of approach if you genuinely believe he is just being lazy then trying removing privileges if he does do his homework for example.

 

An alternative approach, that is quite different and may be more compatible with this child is to take a positive approach, rather than focusing on their failings. It is likely that he feels terrible already having performed worse than his sibling and not meeting your expectations. This will be punishment enough for him already. Instead of making him feel bad for this, make him feel good about things he has done well and be more supportive of him improving than feeling upset when he doesn’t.

 

When he achieves anything, however small, make sure to praise him for it. Some children thrive of this type of positive reinforcement. It encourages them to work even harder to seek the pleasure of their parents for example as this is what makes him feel good about himself. This also provides extra motivation to keep working hard which is a very conducive way to ease children out of laziness. Focus on the things that he is good at. It there is a particular subject he does well in, praise his achievements and this will spill over into other subjects also as he strives to per well more generally at school, for his own benefit and to please his loved ones.

 

Most importantly amongst this, pray for him, ask Allah to guide him and to support you in raising good, pious children. Pray together and pray for him in his presence so that he knows that you are supporting him and praying for the best for him. This is also another positive way to boost his motivation as he feels that you are supporting him and praying for his best interests.

 

May Allah reward your desire to assist your children to do their best and may Allah guide you all on the straight path to success in this life and the next.