Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

First of all, I would urge you to seek counseling as a matter of urgency due to the feeling of wishing you were dead. The school in which you are studying should most likely offer such services. They will be well used to people in the same situation as you presenting and will probably be able to give better and are focused support than counseling sought elsewhere.

 

Given your circumstances, it is understandable why you are feeling so terrible. You have invested a lot in your studies both financially and mentally, yet are not getting back what you have put in as you have failed a couple of classes. This is making you feel like you are letting people down which is only adding to the burden. May Allah make it easy. I hope that you will seek counseling to get some more intensive support, but in the meantime, I hope the words I can provide here will be of some comfort.

 

The first thing I would suggest focusing on is not what has happened, but what you can do now. Use what has happened in the past instead to guide you to a better future. We all make mistakes and certainly, there were alternative ways that we could have approached many things in life. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to take that back. However, you can use this to change the future more positively. The things that you feel you could have done differently, don’t hem differently this time. Do them in the ways that you know will be me effective and avoid doing them in the ways that cause you difficulties.

 

In fact, mistakes made in the past can frequently be used to shape an even better future than you expected. For example, if mistakes had not been made then you would not have changed your ways and may have entered trouble later, or even performed poorly. Experiencing failure can actually serve as a brilliant motivation. Having failed before you will now have that added drive to perform better and do so with even more motivation than you would have had otherwise.

 

This motivation will help you to be more committed to your studies and really appreciate all the effort you have put in to reach your end goal. So, you see the time and finances you have put into this do not have to have been in vain, for nothing, but ultimately will be for a good purpose. Perhaps you may have anticipated a more smooth outcome and in sha Allah you will reach the same outcome, only you will be taking a different and more enriching route than you had expected.

 

Perhaps you feel like you have let your family down, but if they have nt actually told you this then you don’t know that they truly feel this way. If you have worked hard, they will have seen that and will appreciate that, or if you did not and they saw that they will be able to see how hard you are trying to change things around. If you feel comfortable to, maybe you could even address them about what you’re going through so that they support you over the coming year to fix things.

 

Having this added support will be very helpful in moving forward. Everyone experiences failure at some point in life and it’s this experience that equips to deal with again in the future because almost inevitably it will, but this is what helps is to build resilience and the skills to deal with various situations. Your family will have experienced this in some way or another in their life so will likely be more understanding of your situation than you perhaps realize.

Regardless or whether you are or are not able to talk to them and win their support, try to get involved other non academic things also. Things that will give you an emotional release from focus from all things academic. It’s easy to become overwhelmed in your situation and focus on nothing else, forgetting that there are other things to be done too. Take time to be with friends and do things for social pleasure and fun also. It will take you mind off your situation and help you remember that there’s more to life to be focused in also. It will also give you a break from the negativity to focus on the good things in your life.

 

May Allah make it easy for you and grant you resolve to this situation. May He grant you success in this life and the next