Question 2

As salamu alaikum dear sister,

 

Thank you for writing to our live session. As I understand the question, the husband committed Zina right after the birth of his son. He then files for divorce which is supported by his parents. Later, he withdraws the divorce. During the time of the zina and divorce filing, there were police reports filed in a case was made.

 

Safety Considerations

 

Sister, I am not sure why a police report was filed, and a case was opened.  It was not stated in the question. However, if it was due to domestic violence, then that is a serious issue. In this case, under no circumstances should the wife want to get back with her husband unless there is long-term, intensive counseling intervention. Even then it is risky.  As the husband and wife are back together, if this is happening (domestic violence) the wife should seek local assistance and leave immediately.

 

Sincerely Repenting

Sister, I am not sure what the marital problems were, only that the husband has cheated, filed for divorce but then came back. However, given the fact that the husband has cheated, did file for divorce, the police were involved and there was a case created, it sounds like the marriage was extremely unhealthy. On the other hand, if the husband did repent to Allah sincerely for committing Zina and is now following Islam, it is a different story. In that case the husband has repented and will be more likely to treat his wife with the love, respect, kindness and mercy that he is supposed to as a Muslim husband. We all make mistakes in this life no doubt. We are blessed in the fact that Allah is so merciful, we can go to him in prayer for repentance.

 

If Nothing Has Changed

 

Sister, if nothing has changed and the husband is still the same, the wife will continue to suffer doubts, fears and insecurity. This will not make for a happy nor healthy marriage or family life for the children. As the wife is still afraid of losing her husband, this may be indicative that the husband has not changed his ways.  It may also indicate that perhaps he has but the wife is still feeling the hurt and pain of the betrayal.  In either case, I kindly recommend that the sister go for personal counseling on a regular basis in order to address her hurt and pain regarding the betrayal. I also kindly recommend that both the husband and wife go for martial counseling to try to save the marriage, as we are to try to save our marriages as Allah hates divorce. However, divorce is permissible if needed.

 

Emotions and Reason

 

I understand the sister loves her husband. I also understand she is pregnant with their second child. She may be fearful, I am not sure. I kindly advise the sister to love herself and her children as much as she loves her husband. This will help her make good decisions regarding her situation. Right now, it sounds as if she is caught up in her emotions for her husband which is normal. However, she needs to think of herself, children and future. As it seems to the wife the husband has not repented (and still cheating), this may be the reason for her fears of loosing him.

 

However, she must ask herself why would she want a husband who does not repent and possibly continues to cheat? Doesn’t she want better for herself?  I kindly suggest the sister speak with her husband about her feelings, the situation as a whole, as well as drawing closer to Allah as a couple. This would include praying together, going to the Masjid, Islamic events, reading Qur’an together, and applying Islamically based prescriptions to the marriage.  As the husband did cheat and apply for divorce, it is upon him to help his wife heal from the trauma he has caused. If he refuses, the wife has the option for divorce.

 

Conclusion

 

I kindly suggest that the wife seek counseling for the trauma and that the couple engages in marriage counseling. If the husband refuses, the wife has the option to divorce. If there is domestic violence involved, I urge the wife to seek assistance in her area as soon as possible so she can safely leave. Please do make duaa to Allah for mercy, protection, direction and ease regarding this marriage.  Our prayers are with the wife, may she find resolution and peace.

Thursday, Jan. 01, 1970 | 00:00 - 00:00 GMT

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