Post-Ramadan Depression & Other Issues (Counseling Session) | About Islam
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Post-Ramadan Depression & Other Issues (Counseling Session)

Session Guest

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)


Saturday, Jun. 15, 2019 | 12:00 - 13:00 Makkah | 09:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session Status

Session is over.

Salaam `Alaikum dears brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Hannah for answering the questions.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

[email protected]


Salam Aleikom dear counselor. What can I do with the feeling that I have not done enough in Ramadan? I tried my best, but was super hard balancing between work, studies, and Ramadan. I feel I got better in prayers, but to be honest I have not read Quran much. I do not feel close to it anyway reading it in my own language. I need tafseer and explanation to it. So I feel now guilty and so sad and anxious that I wont make it to paradise. Do you have any suggestion?



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

This is a very common experience of many following Ramadan. We all enter Ramadan with grand plans about what will achieve during this holy month. Then, daily life gets in the way and we cannot achieve half of what we set out to do. This can lead to feelings of frustration and spiritual disconnect. These feelings then reinforce one another and can lead to a downward spiral in eman that takes time to build up again.

 

Whilst it may feel very disappointing, there is nothing you can do to change what has already passed. However, that does not have to stop you achieving what you wanted to achieve in Ramadan. It is not only during Ramadan that the Qur’an should be studied. It is a lifelong journey. You know that you tried you beat during Ramadan and regardless of how much you actually did, Allah saw your efforts and that is what matters the most.

 

So, from now, don’t stop on the journey you began during Ramadan. Continue. Make things easier on yourself by setting smaller and more achievable goals. You know you have work and studies to complete too and these also require your time. So, rather than setting yourself big goals that you couldn’t realistically achieve with other commitments, make them small, even if its just a single ayat a day. If you set very small goals like this to begin with this will grant you the sence of connection and connentment that you achieved something. If you find you are comfortably achieving these small goals then over time you can increase them. You will find that with smaller goals like this you will be able to maintain motivation. When you have big goals and struggle to achieve them then you will be more likely to give up on them altogether and abandon making any progress at all. It is a gradual process that takes time and requires patience. The most important thing is to be consistent which is best achieved through a slow and steady pace.

 

Beyond this, like I said, you can’t bring back last Ramadan, but you can learn from it instead and use this to make next Ramadan a more valuable experience by being more realistic about what you can achieve amongst your other commitments. Write a daily plan of what you want to achieve. Follow the same routine as you have been leading up to Ramadan and make these goals smaller and if you have enough time then you can jump ahead and do more. This will feel a lot more satisfying and go further to boosting your connection that aiming to achieve more than you can given your circumstances.

 

May Allah reward your efforts to please Him and may He increase you in knowledge.


I always had problems with socializing with people so I was rather lonely growing up. I'm also paranoid of different things as well but mostly people. I think that people don't like me or hate me. One of my paranoia eventually led me to have a mental breakdown and incredible tantrum. I thought of bad things and even said some of them.

Question 1: Would I be accountable for the sins ( spoken and thought ) that I committed during my paranoia and meltdown phase?

Question 2: How to deal with paranoia and anger issues?

I also hear and see things only in my mind (visual hallucinations are rare). The voice that I hear is similar to mine and speaks of rude and terrible things that are very anti-Islam. I've noticed that some of these voices are reacting to things that I hear or see. I don't know if I have some form of schizophrenia as I have never went to any mental check-ups. These voices also speak to me during Ramadhan as well as when I'm in a mosque.

Question 1: Do I have schizophrenia or is Syaitan whispering to me?

Question 2: Does having any form of schizophrenia makes me accountable for my sins?

Question 3: How do I handle Schizophrenia if I suffer from it?



Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

As you are aware Allah is watching all of your actions and they are all being written down and you will be accountable for each deed. However, the pen is lifted in certain cases, one of which being fornthose who are not in a sane state of mind. If you were not in a sane state of mind when you commit sin then you would not be held accountable for these things. Only Allah knows the state of your mind at this time to know if you will be accountable. Since you are aware of what you have done and k own of them to be sinful, there is no harm in asking Allah for forgiveness in case it may be that He does hold you accountable. Allah is the Most Merciful and li es to forgive so turn to Him. This will also soften your heart and make you less likely to commit such sums again for fear of angering Allah.

 

If it is indeed the case that you do have schizophrenia then this likely places you amongst those who are not in a sane state of mind and therefore would deem you unaccountable, however, as yet, it seems you have not had a formal diagnosis. The symptoms you state are like that of someone who is suffering schizophrenia, however, there are also similarities with that of someone who is experiencing waswas also. There is no way that someone reading these things can make a diagnosis, you would need to be assessed both medically and spirituality to be sure of what your diagnosis truly is.

You should go to your doctor to get an assessment for a psychiatric disorder to confirm if it is schizophrenia that you are experiencing. If this is the case, you will be given medication to manage the symptoms and be referred to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist who will be able to advice you on managing the symptoms as there are also psychological interventions that can complement medical treatment that can be delivered to assist schizophrenics manage the symptoms and make life more comfortable.

 

If it is the case that you are in fact suffering from waswas then this is something that you can treat yourself with. It is important that you repel such voices by ignoring them and seeking refuge with Allah. Remember Allah in all that you do and give no room for the waswas to take over. This can be quite difficult at first as Shaytan does not like to see you engaged in acts of worship and getting closer to Allah and will do his very best to deter you. Your challenge is to fight this and not act upon these voices and even increase your acts of worship so Shaytan sees that his voices are having no effect and will leave you alone. Once you have reached this stage, you must continue with this so as not to let the whispers of Shaytan come back again, because he most certainly will try.

 

As well as seeking medical advice from your doctor, seek spiritual assistance from your local imam who will be able to advice you your symptoms from a spiritual perspective, such as performance of ruqyah which is always a good protection for you anyway, regardless of whether what you are experiencing is a case is schizophrenia or waswas.

 

Regardless of the diagnosis, take you difficulties to Allah and ask Him to save your from these difficulties. Turn to Him at all times as a means of protection and guidance.

 

May Allah grant you a full recovery from your ailments. May He forgive your sins and guide you on the straight path bringing you ease along the way.

 

 


Assalamu Aleikom. I committed a sin. I have 3 children. I had sex with another person, how can I continue my relationship with my husband? Or shall I seek a divorce? Please guide me I am a sinner.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

The first thing to do in this case is to take your sin to Allah and seek His forgiveness. You should also seek the forgiveness of your husband also. Depending on his reaction will determine where you marriage goes from here as to whether you will be able to get a divorce or continue you relationship.

 

If your husband chooses not to forgive you and seek divorce, then he is within his rights to do so. In which case, be prepared that things will be difficult for you and make the necessary arrangements to get the support where you need it. I’m sure you are aware that there are people that may not be willing due to your wrongdoing, but in sha Allah there is someone in your family who will be able to do so for the sake of the children at the very least.

 

If it is the case that you divorce, the most important thing is to ensure that the children are affected as little as possible. Often in the cases of divorce it is the children that suffer the most. Try not to disrupt things for them. Allow them to continue to live life as they would do normally, doing their usual activities. Things will be difficult for them as life changes so do your best to make things as smooth as possible during this time and let them not be witness to any animosity between you and your husband.

 

However, there is every chance that if you come forward and confess to your husband that he will forgive you and allow the relationship to continue. In this case, understand that he may have difficulties trusting you for some time and this may also cause disputes between you moving forward. Empathise for how he may feel by thinking how you would feel if things were the other way round and he had had an affair behind your back. You will both need to be patient in building the trust back again and you will likely need to work hard to bring things back to a good place again.

 

Even if you stay together there’s a chance that your children will feel the effectof the unusual relations between you and your husband as you try to make ammends. Make sure any discussions that you have with your husband are not in front of your children and try not to disrupt they usual routine during this time so as not to affect them as a result.

 

If necessary, it might be that you require marriage counselling to deal with the consequences of your actions and to assist you both in moving forward successfully.

 

All this while, continue to turn to Allah and ask for His forgiveness. Ask Him to guide you that you won’t fall into such sin again. At the same time, you should learn from your errors and do all you can to ensure you don’t end up in a situation where you would commit such a sin again. You k ow how you fell into it so you know what to avoid in future. Also, continue to strengthen your relationship with Allah by constantly engaging in acts of worship. This will reinforce your fear of Allah that you will avoid committing sin for fear of His punishment.

 

May Allah forgive you and guide you away from sin. May He protect your marriage and make things easy for your family as you move on from this incident.


Salam,

Greetings!

I am writing here to seek a best solution from my personal problem stated below: I am from a family where parents do favoritism among children, I am a neglected child since my childhood.

I suffered a lot, sacrificed my happiness, and struggled a lot. Due to my parents’ negligence I am single. I don’t have a good family they are toxic people. They ruined my life.

When I have suffering, then I found a man of my dream that i was looking for we talked daily chats and video calling but we met only once. He is such a nice man I was looking for.. He likes me and i likes him.. while with the passage of time I found out that he is from same family problems that I have, even more worse than me. His mother ruin his business and he is not established.. he cared about me so much he loves me. But he dint liked my one nature that is im sensitive emotional lady.

He is such a humble respectful human that every good woman wants. I’m a closer to Allah since the age of 21. I met him when I was in 29 years of age and now im 32 years of age. We were together for 2 years. Then he fought for no reason, left me, and blocked me from everywhere. Im a true human a good daughter a hood sister and i loves him sincerely with pure intentions he knows and he has also good intentions but i know he cared about my life so kept me away and left.

I cries day and night since 2017 and prays day, night, and texts him but no response I tried to call from some other number but he blocked all numbers. Im in severe pain I cannot forget him i cannot allow another man to marry me, i cannot be someone else. Im looking for some scholar who can tell me that if he can be mine or not or how to make his good heart mine. I loves him alot. My life is do much tough it seems i m born with difficulties in my life, i haven't seen happiness in my life since long.

What should i do now? Im not selfish though but first time i ever find my man i thought he will bring happiness as he made me happy all the time.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

It certainly seems like you have had a tough time in life from a very young age which has impacted on you until now. You found a man that you loved and still love very much but he has since shut you out and you have had no contact since the last 2 years despite numerous efforts.

 

Firstly, as tough as this may be, take a lesson from this experience. If you want to seek marriage to this man, or any other for that matter, make sure to do so with a mahram. Talking to the opposite gender alone, even online, can easily lead to the development of the emotions that you are experiencing. With no third person present this can soon lead to haram relationships, or even if not, there is no problem in 1 party abandoning the relationship since they are not formally tied through marriage. This is what has happened in this case. He is free to walk away from what you 2 had developed as you were not married and whilst the sin is in being alone together, there is no sin in him walking away as you were never halal for each other anyway.

 

Again, as difficult as it may be to search for positives in this situation think about the following. Painful as it has been for him to walk away, it has also served as a protection for you both. Since he denies contact it means that there has been no opportunity for you to further develop your relationship and commit further sin and do things that may be even more disliked by Allah. For the last 2 years you have not had the opportunity to continue in a relationship that, whilst one that brought you happiness was not going to count in your favour until you became halal for one another.

 

You might feel right now that you will never move on and you can never love another like you love him, but it is possible. If you still wish to persue him, please ensure to do so in the correct manner by having your mahram approach him on your behalf and take all measures to ensure you follow islamic principles in making this relationship halal through marriage. Otherwise, take steps to move on and seek marriage to someone else. Learning a lesson from your past experience make sure to to everything in the correct way, according to Islam, from the very beginning to ensure that you don’t experience the same heartache again. As you get to know someone else, you will find that your past feelings will diminish as you forge a relationship with someone in the correct manner.

 

Aside from this, more generally, please give time to other things as a means to find happiness in yourself that doesn’t depend on others. Do things that you enjoy, do something new, start a new hobby, study something new and beneficial, make new friends. These types of things will help to bring happiness in to your life that has otherwise brought you much upset. You have experience much disappointment in your life at the hands of others so it’s now time to take control yourself and find happiness through other means. This will not only boost your own self-esteem, but it will equip you with the skills to manage life’s difficulties more effectively.

 

May Allah bring happiness and contentment to your life and may He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.


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