As salamu alaykum,

 

Shokran for writing in to our live session. I am sad to hear about the way your mom treats you, your siblings and your dad. You described her as “practicing” however manipulation, anger, abuse, hurting others, vile language and causing division are not what a practicing Muslim does.

 

Your mom obviously has some severe mental health issues going on wherein she feels a need for power, control and complete submission from everyone. If it does not occur, or she perceives it not to occur, she lashes out abusively. These are the needs and behaviors of an unstable person.

 

I would kindly suggest dear brother that you stop trying to please her. She appears as one who cannot be pleased as she is not pleased with herself. Show kindness and financial support as needed but do not keep running back looking for the love and acceptance you know she cannot demonstrate right now. Yes she loves you brother, but there are severe issues within her that she needs to address.

 

I would kindly suggest that you pick a time when things are calm and discuss what you love and respect about her as well as things that hurt you and need to be changed. Explain to her that you seek a peaceful, harmonious family but that she needs to address her anger issues to help the whole family heal. Ask her to attend counseling brother. If she refuses, I kindly suggest that you limit your and your families time spent with her. It is toxic. It is not healthy for you, your wife nor your children. Be respectful and kind, but protect your family unit.

 

In Islam we are to respect and care for our parents and treat them with kindness. However we are not to put up with abuse nor un-Islamic behavior. Insha’allah she will get the help she needs. It may take a while before she does and she may have to feel the distance of her family to understand-but insha’Allah she will seek help. I kindly suggest that you begin to live your own life separate from her brother. You deserve to be happy as does your wife and children. You are responsible for the environment you have your family in. This is not a healthy environment. Your children do not deserve to see all this abuse.

 

Separate yourself-yet provide support when needed, focus on healing and spending quality time with your wife and children and make dua to Allah that He touch her heart. You are in our prayers.